


Ghost's Reylo Storybook

by ssalemghostss



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, So much angst, finally all my prompts in one easy to find place, fuck you tumblr algorithm, it's like a little golden book but with sex, or whatever the fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:07:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 86,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssalemghostss/pseuds/ssalemghostss
Summary: I fill A LOT of reylo prompts onmy tumblr blog, reylo-solo.And sometimes it's hard to find them all on there. I've always wanted them to be more organized, so here is my solution to that!Seeing as how I'm always filling prompts, this will be continuously updated as more are published. But you will always be able to find them either here, or on my tumblr page. If you want to request a prompt, pleasesend me an ask over on tumblr!That's the best way for me to keep track of it and it's just generally a whole lot easier. Please note that I may not get to it right away! I get a lot of these things in my ask box so it takes a lot of time to get them all. Each chapter in this collection will be different, and the prompt which inspired it will be depicted at the beginning every time. However, I should clarify there are one or two that had so many requests for sequels/prequels I caved. You'll see what I mean, lol.Now, how do these things usually begin again? Oh yeah!:A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...





	1. Ever the Gentleman is Kylo Ren

[Tumblr Link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/173598151162/fanfic-prompt-reylos-first-kiss-during-a)

**Prompt: "Reylo's first kiss during a Force Skype ;-)))" - Anonymous**

She wasn’t expecting to see him again so soon. She tried telling herself that she didn’t even want to see him, but she knew she was lying.

No, she hadn’t been trying to see him, but there he was anyway. Sitting up on the clifftop, shoulders hunched as he leaned studiously forward over a pad of paper. She couldn’t tell if he was reading or not at first but as she got closer she saw his right arm twitch every now and again and she realized he was writing. Strange, she thought. No one writes anymore.

But Kylo Ren was of the strange sort. What else had she expected, really? From their confrontations thus far she had built a moderately-sized mental file on him, where she stored all the little bits and pieces of information she could gather about him, never sharing them with anybody. She didn’t think she should tell anyone. Most of what she knew concerned his feelings and inner-most thoughts, after all. Everything seemed far too intimate to share outside of their own bond. No one else would understand.

She stood frozen for a while, losing track of time just watching him; studying him. His broad, hardened shoulders called to her attention and she followed the soft C-shape of his spine with her eyes. She could see the tension he held in those shoulders; she had long ago learned the telltale signs of stress on the human body. He held himself so tightly enclosed; so afraid of opening up to anyone. Rey supposed she could understand that. At any sign of weakness his position as Supreme Leader would be called into question by the vultures (or at least one in particular) who believed they could do a better job. But at the end of the day it was still absolutely maddening to her, to see him keep Ben Solo, the man he was meant to be, hidden under lock and key. He just needed a little push was all. That’s what she kept telling herself. She just needed to find something, or someone, who could do it.

But Kylo Ren was an impenetrable wall of cool hostility. Or at least, she thought he had been, until their bond began and he was no longer able to hide much of anything from her. Slowly, cautiously, he had shown her a glimpse of the layer beneath the first, and from that moment on she had wanted more and more until each and every layer had been stripped away and he lay bare before her, completely vulnerable for her. This desire puzzled her, of course, for it felt so intrinsically wrought in the depths of her soul and yet when she put it into words it sounded oddly…compassionate, in a certain way she wasn’t accustomed to.

She must have made a noise of some sort, for his head snapped up and he sat up rigidly in his chair. His tousled raven hair swirled around his long, scarred face as he turned, and when his eyes saw her for the first time they softened ever so slightly. He was a hard man; cold and sharp as battle-forged steel. But every time she was around a little bit of that hardness melted away; a tiny sliver of gentleness, a chink in the blade’s edge, meant only for her.

“How long have you been standing there?” he asked sharply. One hand covered his notes on the paper.

“Not long,” Rey answered, craning her neck to try and inspect what little she could see of his fine black markings. “What’s that?”

“It’s nothing.” He said it dismissively before tucking the papers away out of her reach.

He then turned and appraised her with one raised eyebrow, as he often did in an attempt to annoy her out of talking with him. He knew she hated when he did that eyebrow thing. She knew he actually wanted her to stay, no matter what he said or did.

“Why are you here?”

“Why are we ever forced together like this?” Rey shrugged. “I haven’t the foggiest.”

“Come now, I’m sure you could find an answer if you searched hard enough,” Kylo said dryly.

“Hm, alright,” Rey yielded. “I suppose I came for the usual reason: to try and show you the light, even though you like to act as though you’re blind to such things.”

“Maybe I am.”

“And maybe you’re full of fodder.”

His lips twitched as he restrained a smile. His fine-boned face had relaxed into an expression of wary courtesy. Ever the gentleman is Kylo Ren.

“I concede; I’m not blind. Not in the slightest.”

“Then why do you continuously resist me?” Rey demanded. “You resist your own mother. Why are you fighting so damn hard for something that’s only going to kill you slowly?”

“Or quickly, if I play my cards right.” Kylo retorted with dark humour that was not received well, needless to say.

He cleared his throat. “You shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss your charming capabilities. At this challenge you have proved a more than formidable opponent.”

One gloved finger ghosted across the scar that ran across his orbital bone, cut diagonally over his profile, and disappeared under the high collar of his uniform. Rey swallowed. She too often thought of their battle in the snowy forest on Starkiller, late at night when no one else could see her blush at the forceful memory or hear her mutter to herself. Something about Kylo, about their bond, made her feel…different. Alive. Fearless. And a thousand other things, too. That night had been the first time she had realized this, along with all its dangerous potential.

She furrowed her brow, squinting her hazel eyes at him in confusion. He was slowly stepping closer to her, his hands now clasped behind his back, casual as can be.

“What are you saying, Ben?” she asked warily.

“I’m saying that contrary to your interpretation of things, you are incredibly difficult for me to resist,” he explained, adding in a tempting whisper, “even now.”

Rey could feel the beads of cool sweat forming along the nape of her neck. She shivered gently as goosebumps raised the skin on her arms. He was perilously close and it made her breath catch in her throat. She had to crane her neck a bit to look into his wide, dark eyes; so like his mother’s that it always gave Rey pause when she saw them up close. He had the crooked nose and scoundrel smile of a Solo though, and she could see the ghost of the latter beginning to shine through on his full, alluring lips.

“I know why you’re here, Rey,” He went on, his voice huskier than ever. “Not because you were thinking about me, or because you were hoping to win me over this time. You’re here because I was thinking of you.”

There had been multiple times where Rey had sensed this to be the case upon initiation of their connection. Instances where, for one reason or another, she just knew it hadn’t been her who had opened the channel. And yet he would never outright admit it, and if she suggested the idea he would vehemently deny it, and try to argue that he was really far too busy to be talking to her anyway. But she had never been one to enjoy that avoidance bullshit, so she had become persistent. And still, he refused to admit to anything. Until now, apparently.

She thought if her heart beat any harder in her chest she wouldn’t be able to hear him talk over her own pulse in her ears. Her cheeks burned with a heat that was completely unlike anything she had experienced in the Jakku dessert.

She was shocked to see Kylo’s cheeks were even flushed with colour. He was…nervous, but confident at the same time. Almost overly-confident, actually; recklessly so. But she could feel the harried rhythm of his nerves like a faint vibration in the air around her. She would have smiled triumphantly if she hadn’t been frozen solid with shock. He was nervous, only because he had no idea what the outcome would be with her. She was, despite their intimate bond, still something of an enigma to him. It frightened him and excited him all at the same time.

“Ben…” Her voice was barely a whisper; her throat was bone-dry. “What were you writing?”

His eyes searched hers intently. His stare was so intense, she may have had to look away, had it not been for the softness she found in the outer corners of those eyes. Just a little shadow, a little moisture, in a place that was normally so hard or manic. The lines in his skin there were smooth; almost youthful. It was a strange thing to notice, but it gave her comfort.

“A personal log,” he replied briefly. He was so close to her she could feel his warm breath tickle her face.

“About what?”

He gave her a funny, pleading look, as if to say “You really have to ask me that?”

“You, of course,” he said somewhat plaintively. “And whatever it is that binds us. How it mystifies me. How I…I can’t seem to keep you out of my head for even a second anymore. It frustrates the hell out of me!”

That ferocity suddenly returned to his voice and he gripped her upper arms, careful not to squeeze too tight all the same. She gasped at the contact, entirely swept up in the current of his emotions.

“Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to be at the forefront of a war, leading your troops into battle, only to be distracted by the mere thought of a scavenger girl appearing to you?” He shook her as he talked, just lightly, as a parent may do to a child they intend to make a desperate impression on in regards to one thing or another.

“Do you know how many times I have faltered, because your face suddenly swam across my mind and it utterly disarmed me? Do you know how weak that — how weak you make me? Even just a second, distracted by you, could be enough to get me killed. And yet…I continue to do nothing to put a stop to it. I cannot bring myself to end this; to risk never being distracted by you again.”

She could feel his chest against hers and his grip tightened on her just a little, enough to hold her immobile and flush against him. But she knew that if she wished to run, he would let her go. It was good to know, she supposed. Comforting, even. But she didn’t wish to run, not this time.

“Do you know what that’s like?” he asked in a strained whisper.

Rey’s eyes fell to his lips. Never before had she seen them so close. Never before had she felt much of a desire to kiss anybody on the mouth, until now. They drew her in like a magnet and she was weak against their pull. She wanted to kiss that beautiful, stupid mouth. As she realized this, she felt the winds of fate shift just so, and it was enough to prompt her next words, which came out clear and strong:

“Yes. I do.”

Kissing him was like lazing in the warm morning sun on Jakku. It was like being washed clean by the refreshing rains of Ahch-To. It was like cruising through endless space and bottomless stars, seeing beauty in all of it, even the darkness. But then there was the thrill of it; oh, the thrill! A sudden, lurching jump into hyperspace had nothing on this.

Their kiss was soft, like the precious, almost tentative first kiss of youth. They held each other in their arms as though they were each other’s shields, keeping one another safe from any and all forms of danger. And for the first time in their lives that they could remember, both Rey and Ben felt truly, peacefully safe.

Shortly after they parted Ben disappeared, leaving Rey to stand alone on the grassy cliff, her left arm positioned upwards, fingers outstretched, tracing a scar that was no longer there.


	2. love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ↳ what is it else? a madness most discreet …

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175027832977/fic-prompt-after-the-end-of-tlj-rey-reverts)

**Prompt: After the end of TLJ, Rey reverts back to calling Ben "Kylo" instead of Ben, and he finds that he prefers when she calls him Ben... - Anonymous**

  _Ben._

               A whisper in a fever dream. Haunting him, since the last time he had heard her speak his true name. One word. One voice. A lifeline made of hope.

               Rey.

               He was in a foul mood that day. His emotions were easily taking over, and the more he struggled with them the more Hux closed in, waiting to pounce on vulnerable prey. So it only seems fitting that, whilst he sat in his quarters and brooded, that familiar voice came back to him, like a long-lost love.

                _Ben…please don’t go this way._

His fury consumed him. His hand caught the small table where his uneaten supper sat cooling, and sent it along with all its contents flying across the room.

               All this because of some scavenger girl! Damn her, he thought bitterly. Damn her, and the way my name sounds on her tongue. How dare she make him  _like_  his given name, the very same one which he had loathed to be associated with for so many years? The one he had forsaken and traded for Kylo Ren. It hadn’t been a problem before she came along. Her, with a voice like summer honey and dew drops. His name didn’t belong in her mouth. It wasn’t even worthy of that…

               And now he hated it even more, because she hadn’t called him Ben in months, and that just made him want to hear it again. At night, the thoughts and memories consumed him and kept him awake. When he slept, they infiltrated his dreams.

                _Ben…_

_Ben…_

_Ben._

Now, since she closed the door of his father’s ship on him, it was only ever Kylo. Strictly, formally, Kylo. That familiarity was gone, all intimacy dispersed along with it. It made him feel sick. He hated himself. He hated the fact that she could make him miss his given name.

               “Why’d you have to go and make such a mess?”

               Her voice startled him that time, because it wasn’t inside his head. With a jolt he rose from his seat and spun around to find her standing there, defiant as ever, her sun-kissed skin glowing with the healthy perspiration of exercise. Her hair was pulled back in her traditional tri-bun style, but some strands had fallen out of their ties and now floated around her face and clung to her neck. She pointed at the broken dishes and food splatter that had resulted in his act of upturning the table.

               When he didn’t reply right away, she huffed and rolled her eyes.

               “Fine. I don’t have time for this anyways—”

               “I was upset.”

               Rey’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

               She looked closely at him, and, finally noticing his dishevelled appearance, her expression softened.

               “Are you alright?”

               Kylo made an “mmph” noise, which meant neither “yes” nor “no” in his language, and stooped down to right the table and pick up the broken dishes.

               “It’s nothing you need to be concerned with.”

               “But you would tell me if you were in trouble, wouldn’t you, Kylo?”

               There it was again. Kylo. Slipped into casual conversation almost like it was an afterthought, but he knew it wasn’t. It couldn’t have been. It was torture, hearing her call him that again. Surely she knew that?

               As much as it grated on his nerves, he ground his teeth together and mustered a grumbly reply.

               “Why would that matter to you?”

               She appeared hurt by this accusation.  _Good._  He didn’t ask for her to care. He didn’t ask for her to say his name in so tender a way that he became addicted to the very idea of it. And yet, here they were, all the same.

               “You know I’m not out to get you,” she muttered quietly, in defense of herself. “I just wish you weren’t so damn stubborn.”

                _Stupid is more like it,_ Kylo thought, cursing himself for the position he was currently in.

               He kept his back to her while he cleaned up after himself. It bothered her. He could feel her tension clouding up the atmosphere like a dense fog. She wanted to talk to him, even if she didn’t know the words to say, but she didn’t want to argue, either. It was a thin line to walk between the two of them.

               “Hey,” she piped up, “can you stop for just one second and look at me, Kylo? Please?”

               The sound of it made him taste blood. He did not turn to look at her. There were no more broken dishes to pick up, and still he remained kneeling, staring at the floor in the vain hope that she would leave.

               “Look at me, Kylo. Look at me,” she begged and stepped closer. “Kylo…”

                _“Why do you keep calling me that?!”_

               He whirled about and faced her, teeth bared in a rage that wasn’t entirely his own. His face burned with such emotion that it made Rey gasp and falter back, putting a hand to her chest in alarm. For just a split second she watched darkness consume him completely and it terrified her. She had never seen someone look so demonic before.

               “Stop it!” he snarled. “Do not call me by that name, not ever again.”

               Rey’s defensive hackles raised at this and she glared at him icily, regaining her footing.

               “Why not? It’s the name you gave yourself!” she snapped. “Isn’t that right? Are you not the great Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, Master of the—”

                _“I SAID STOP IT!”_

               He pinned her against the wall, holding her there by her wrists, but not in such a way that could hurt her. He wanted to scare her off, not make her hurt. And maybe it was selfish, because by pushing her away he might save himself the pain of loving her, or at least the pain of disappointing her. But he didn’t care.

               She could have fended him off with one swift kick of her knee, but the second she saw the way he was looking at her, she decided to do no such thing. The darkness had melted away, leaving the ashes of a broken man behind, and these strong emotions burned in his eyes as he looked at her. His face was so close to hers; she could see those soft, full lips trembling. Was he nervous, scared, or both?

               “Please…” he whispered desperately. “I can’t bear to hear you call me that.”  _Not with such malice on your tongue._

               Rey swallowed. “What shall I call you instead?”

               His grip lessened even further, causing her arm to slide up the wall, which in turn caused him to lean closer to her. She could feel the heat coming off of him; she could see the flame of anger dying in his eyes.

               “Call me…by my name,” he breathed. Tendrils of his hair danced along the freckled bridge of her nose.

               Kylo’s throat worked as he swallowed. He was anxious, and desperate to hear her say it just once; like an addict, he needed just one more fix to get him through the day. Just one more, and then again and again, every single day until he died.

               Rey inclined her chin barely an inch, but it was enough for Kylo to feel the sweet currents of her breath steal over his mouth.

               She whispered:

               “Show me that Ben Solo still lives, and I will never call you anything else ever again.”

               And then, like a ghost, she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this one! I also just really like the thought of Kylo pressing Rey up against a wall, so...


	3. My Salvation Snores

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174542138247/reylo-prompt-post-war-rey-resting-her-head-on)

**Prompt: post war Rey resting her head on thicc boi thighs while taking her midday nap in the field outdoors. Snoring away loudly while Ben watches and plays with her hair all peacefully - Anonymous**

“Mm…get the porg…it stole my sock…”

           She’s talking in her sleep again. I don’t know if it’s the warmth of the sun or the fresh air that does it, but she always talks when she naps outside. Usually the things she said made no sense at all. Today is clearly no exception.

           She’d fallen asleep about twenty minutes ago, and I had been unwilling to move for fear of waking her up. She looked so peaceful, so jaw-droppingly  _beautiful_ , sleeping with her head in my lap, one hand barely holding on to my knee. The grass dances around her reposed form as the breeze crawls through it. She looks as natural as the earth; as though she had grown from it, just like the trees.

           Carefully, I comb her soft brown hair away from her face with my fingers. She had it plaited today, and the braid curled around her throat like a snake. Little wisps had escaped and were eagerly caught up in the breeze. I didn’t want them to tickle her nose and wake her up. So I brushed them away, and tucked some behind her ear. And then, because I just want to touch her, and feel her warmth beneath my hand, I keep doing it in slow, rhythmic motions. Her lips twitch into a dreamy smile.

           I relish being able to join her today. Although the war had ended and peace finally reigned in the galaxy, there were still things to do, things that  _we_  needed to take care of. We had entered an era of healing, and it took a lot of work to repair the damage years of war and genocide had caused.

           Rey had been unable to join me on such missions for the last couple of weeks, and so she had remained here, on Chandrila, where it was safe and calm and warm. And so I was unable to accompany her on her midday walk to the field each day. It sucked. There’s no other way to put it. And I guess to anyone else, it may seem kind of unimportant. She just comes out here to meditate or nap, or both. But to me, it was something of a cathartic experience. Just being with her anywhere, at any time, was like that for me. She is my salvation, and I cherish her deeply.

           My salvation is snoring. Soft little purring sounds, and I can feel the gentle vibrations on my thigh. It makes me smile even wider, because it means she’s fast asleep. I know she’s been up late, worrying about me, and other things, and it took its toll on her. She’s prone to stressing over things. She needs to rest as much as she can right now; I’m just happy I could help.

           I have never loved anything more in my entire life. I look at her, and she’s glowing, looking like an angel. And I think about how deeply I love her, how she is engrained into my very soul and I could never scrub her out, not even if I wanted to. It doesn’t scare me anymore. It used to, when I was still battling my own inner demons on the side. That was back when I still felt like I was alone in everything. She had changed that, and because of her interference, I was able to grow.

           She is so beautiful and peaceful, but I can sense the power that courses through her. It thrills me, and makes me love her even more. She is as fearful as she is lovely, and people  _should_  fear her, and consider themselves lucky just to know of her. I know I do.

           Together, she and I had ushered the entire galaxy into a new dawn. She is a creator; a giver of freedom and prosperity, and a mighty force to be reckoned with at that. She is the mother of this universe. She is mother of  _my_  universe. And…

           I look down at her, and remove my fingers from her hair. I trail them along the curve of her arm to the elbow, and then across to her hip, and around the large swell of her pregnant belly. The light material of her dress frames it perfectly. I follow the full, wide curve of it, feel the bump of her expanded navel beneath my fingertips. Life. Right there beneath my hand, sleeping, just like its mother. It won’t be long now. A few more weeks, maybe. Then everything will change again. I feel like I’ve been waiting an eternity and a half for this.

           But for now, I just sit still, and look up at the soft blue sky. I feel the warm sun on my skin, and the love of my life sleeps peacefully beneath my hand. For now, everything is calm.

           Everything is exactly as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing from Ben's POV. It's oddly therapeutic, lol.


	4. Please, I Need You

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174514610057/reylo-prompt-please-i-need-you)

**Prompt: "Please, I need you." - user[baby-babushka](http://www.baby-babushka.tumblr.com/)**

Rey’s eyes widened as Kylo took a knee before her, still holding his hand out to her, his offer still wholly on the table. Tears pooled in his desperate eyes as the room continued to burn to ash around them.

               “Please,” he begged, his voice as soft as a warm desert breeze on sandy dunes. “I need you.”

               Rey sobbed, the gasping noise escaping her involuntarily. Kylo’s face contorted into an expression of pain and apprehension, seeing her cry like that. And yet, there was a flicker of recognition in those fevered eyes. He knew, for he had to be able to see it in her face, what the answer was going to be. If she was planning on agreeing to go with him, she wouldn’t be crying so. She would be smiling; happy, elated even, to get to continue her adventure with him by her side. But his request had been too loaded.  _Join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy._ Rey didn’t know what that would entail, and she was too stunned to process it. All she knew was that it was neither an attempt to sway her to the dark side nor a promise of his return to the light, and thus it was not what she needed to hear him say.

               “No.” Her voice was broken and weak. “I can’t go with you.”

               He dropped his hand, pulling it back as though she had burnt him. He tore his eyes away from her, directing them to the ground at her feet instead. She watched his back straighten and his shoulders stiffen: the signs of a man receding back into himself.

               “You don’t want to be with me.” He said it like it was a fact, but he was quiet and sullen about it.

               Rey shook her head and, a little firmer than she intended, shot back, “No! I  _do_  want to.”

               Those dark eyes flickered back up to her face, hesitant, clinging on to her words like a lifeline.

               “I know you’re right,” she continued, mildly intimidated by the hopeful look on his face. “When you say there’s something between us that neither of us truly understands, I know that’s not a lie, because I feel the truth of it every time I’m in the same room as you.”

               Kylo stood, reassuming his full, impressive height. He stepped eagerly towards her.

               “Yes,” he agreed fervently. “I feel it now.”

               She nodded in acknowledgement. She felt it, too.

               “ _But_ , I don’t think I’m the one that’s still holding on to the past.” She said this somewhat icily, intending, at least in part, to return some of the sharpness back to him for having said it to her first.

               His eyes narrowed suspiciously and his jaw worked, the muscles jumping tensely.

               “You gave up on your parents,” she explained, softly now. “I didn’t. I did more harm to myself, thinking they were still alive and they’d come back. But now that I’ve acknowledged the truth, I can start to move on. But you…you gave up. You walked away and you were angry and you still are. It’s going to be harder for you to forgive your parents than it will be for me to forgive mine.”

               Ben’s lips pressed firmly together for a moment. Rey could see him thinking hard. There were a thousand things he  _wanted_  to say, but picking the right one proved difficult. He wasn’t immediately bursting into a fit of rage, though, so that had to be a good sign.

               “They abandoned us,” he murmured. It sounded like the simple act of speaking the words aloud to another person was a tough one for him, and no doubt it was. For so long he had only himself to think about it with, and more often than not it turned into a self-conscious argument:  _maybe_ you _abandoned_ them _…_

               “Yes, they did,” Rey agreed gently. “But this isn’t about them anymore. This isn’t about whatever legacy they passed on to us. This is about us, and our own journeys, together or not, and what we can do together to bring peace to the galaxy. I think, in order to do that, we both have to move on. And we’re not quite there yet.”

               Kylo was quiet for a very long time. His eyes darted around the room as he processed everything she said. Rey, on the other hand, was beating herself up. Because even though she knew she couldn’t go with him just yet, that he wasn’t quite ready for it and neither was she, she still wanted to walk into his arms and stay there forever. She wanted to go to him and touch his cheek and make his brain stop running a lightyear a minute. She wanted him to shut it all off, for her. And she would do the same, for him. But it wasn’t time for that. They both still had lessons left to learn.

               “I need you, too,” Rey whispered, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “So when you’re ready, come find me. By then I’ll be ready too, and waiting.”

               And with that she was gone, leaving behind a man who suddenly felt very cold and alone in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kicked my own ass writing this


	5. girlfriend wears my clothes for a day challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reylo edition

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174483412697/reylo-promptrey-gets-caught-trying-on-and)

**Prompt: Rey gets caught trying on (and twirling around in) Ben’s cloaks from his Supreme Leader days - Anonymous**

Rey couldn’t help but giggle as she clipped Kylo’s black and red cape into its place upon her shoulders. It was an added weight to the already hefty costume, and it heaped around her feet in a puddle of smooth, shiny fabric. She held her arms akimbo, angled her chin upwards, and admired her reflection in the long mirror. That was all it took to transform minor giggles into uncontrollable gales of laughter.

               She drowned in Kylo’s clothes, that much was clear. Her feet were gone; lost somewhere inside the pant legs. She could just barely see the tips of her fingers if she held her hands aloft. If she slackened her elbow any the sleeve fell down and covered those, too. Yes, his clothes were far too big, and far too extravagant for her tastes, but damn it if they weren’t  _comfortable_.

               She heard the squeak of the shower knobs and the water quit flowing through the pipes. He would be out of the fresher soon. She should really take this stuff off; he might get mad.  _Pfft. On second thought, who cares?_

               Kylo had opted for the shower following a nice, quiet walk with Rey in the lush gardens of Chandrila. He had offered to save some room for Rey to join him, but she had politely declined. She much preferred baths these days.

               While he showered, Rey got bored, as she tends to do. Kylo’s closet doors had been left ajar, and, well…the temptation had been far too great to even bother trying to resist it.

               Rey had never worn anything of such a high-quality before. Most of her clothes were handmade – by her. No, these clothes were  _much_  different. She twirled around, once, twice, three times and more, making herself dizzy but enjoying the way the cape flared out around her too much to stop. It shone and the colours seemed to become more vibrant as it caught the light. These clothes made her  _feel_  different, despite not fitting in the slightest. She felt strong. Powerful. Confident enough to stop mid-spin, look a dripping-wet Ben Solo in the eye, and explain to him why she was wearing his Supreme Leader clothes.

               Kylo paused, one towel draped casually about his hips, another grasped in his hand, cleaning water from around his ear. Fine droplets fell from the ends of his hair and cascaded over his shoulders, down his chest and arms. Little puddles started to gather around his feet. He stood frozen as a statue, squinting at her, clearly not quite sure what it was he was seeing.

               “What are—are you—” he stammered. “Are you wearing my clothes?”

               Rey looked down at herself, then back up at him, and frowned.

               “Well I don’t know who else they could belong to,” she said bluntly.

               Kylo unfroze. The corners of his lips twitched up, just a little.

               “They look good on you,” he mused, running the towel roughly over his hair. “Although, you might want to get those pants taken in a bit.”

               “Yeah?” Rey asked, turning to the side and pulling the waist of the pants out as far as it could go. She could almost fit another Rey in there! Wouldn’t  _that_  be something for Kylo to see?

               “Is that all? You don’t think my shirt is too loose?”

               If she raised it, her shoulder just peeked through the neck hole.

               He laughed, a deep, hearty laugh of mirth. It made Rey’s insides feel warm and happy.

               “No, it’s great,” he said, tossing his hair towel on a nearby chair.

               He approached her and kissed her briefly, his wet locks leaving tiny little dew drops on her nose and forehead.

               “I love you.”

               Rey beamed. “I love you, too.”

               “Now,” Kylo stood back a touch and appraised her critically before nodding, as though he had just decided something very important indeed. With deft movements he unclipped the cape and it fell away with a soft but pronounced  _whoosh_ , pooling around her ankles. The look he was giving her was black fire; intensely bright yet shadowed in desire at the same time. She could feel the heat from his gaze low in her belly; a hot, steady weight inside of her, making her ache and beg for release. All of that, from just a look.

               His lips spread in a devilish grin.

               “I’d like to take these off of you now, if you don’t mind.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rey's so fucking cute


	6. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this particular prompt fill deals with night terrors. There’s no real description of the dreams, but some of the material may be uncomfortable for some readers.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174805797797/reylo-prompt-dont-mind-if-i-do-hey-hey-calm)

**Prompt: "Hey, hey, calm down. They can't hurt you anymore." - Anonymous**

 It began as a whimper. So soft and so quiet it could barely be heard.

           It wasn’t a good whimper. It sounded lonely, and scared. Rey sat up a little straighter in her chair and listened.

           The incoherent mumblings came next. Sounds that were clearly words, but none that could easily be made out. They sounded angry, though. Defensive.

           Rey got out of her chair, not wasting one more minute reading her book. She grabbed a cup of water and she was on her way. She knew what the sounds were. She thought he had gotten over this, but she was clearly wrong.

           She paused just outside his doorway. He hadn’t made a noise the entire time she was padding down the hallway in her sock feet.  _Maybe it’s over,_ she thought.

           “No…I won’t! I won’t do it!”

           It wasn’t the blanket talking, but it sure looked like it. The room was very dark; the only sign of life was the shuddering lump atop the bed, covered in a blanket shell.  _Oh, Kylo…_  A ball of emotion caught in Rey’s throat, making it hard to swallow or to stop the little prickling tears in the corners of her eyes from welling up. But this happened every time he had these night terrors, because she got them, too. She knew how horrifying and scarring they were, and she knew it well. But she never cared about how she dealt with her own subconscious problems. She only seemed to really care when it was Kylo. It started the day he came home from out of the dark.

           He continued to grunt and moan, kicking his legs with a surprising amount of force for someone who was fast asleep. Rey jumped just a little. It was time for her to intervene, before he hurt himself or broke another one of Leia’s lamps.

           She rushed into the room and approached his sleeping, fighting form on the bed with her arms spread wide. She was making loud shushing noises and saying his name – his real name. At the beginning it had been so, so hard to wake him. With time it had gotten easier, though, as he had learned to always listen for the sound of Rey’s voice, calling him back home.

           She sat on the mattress near his head as she made these sounds. Now it was time for the part she feared the most: touching him. On more than one occasion he had lashed out at her. Unintentionally, of course. His mind thought he was still fighting off the demons in his dreams; he didn’t realize it was Rey until she was sprawled onto the floor where he had pushed her or she slapped him across the face.

           Very carefully, she brought her arms in and enveloped his shoulders, rubbing and gently pinching, trying everything to rouse him from his nightmare.

           “Get off of me!” he screamed. His eyes were still closed but she could see they were moving very quick, side-to-side, like he was seeing several people inching closer and closer, surrounding him…

           “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you right where you stand!”

            _“BEN!”_

           She shook him so hard his head wobbled back and forth on his neck. He was so heavy she could only hold him upright for short periods of time, but once was enough on this occasion. His eyes sprang open wide and he gasped, sucking in all the air he could and letting it out in great, heaving pants. Sweat had dampened his hair and it stuck flat to his skull on one side, and on the other it stood straight up. Rey had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. This was a serious matter; she could make fun of his hair later.

           His throat and chest shone with a fine glaze of sweat. And yet despite that, and despite the blanket he still had (mostly) on him, he was shivering. Rey instantly fluttered closer to him, brushing away the hair that had stuck to his forehead with gentle fingers. She made soft shushing sounds now.

           “It’s okay, calm down,” she murmured. “They can’t hurt you anymore.”

           “Rey…” His voice was raspy; the sign of a parched throat.

           She offered him the cup of water she had brought with her into the room. He gulped it down gratefully, as he did every time. By the time he finished the water, he was barely trembling.

           “You’re okay?” Rey asked, looking him over once with her eyes. He hadn’t hurt himself this time.  _Thank Maker._

           Kylo nodded sheepishly. “I’m fine…thank you,”

           She smiled warmly and opened her arms one more time.

           “Come here.”

           At the beginning, he had protested her offerings of physical comfort. They had made him feel awkward and childish, and he “didn’t appreciate being treated like a frightened little boy”. But Rey had ignored his complaints and offered it every single time, without fail. And when he would refuse, she would just stay sitting with him anyway, and force him to talk about his dreams, if nothing else. And eventually, after a little more coaxing, he had entered her arms willingly; he had expected it, even, sitting there staring at her with those soft, shadowy eyes, waiting for her to make the offer.

           Now he crawled into her arms, resting his shoulders on her knees, and leaning his tired head against her chest. His eyes fluttered closed as he listened to her steady heartbeat. Nothing calmed him down quite like a reminder that  _she_ existed; she was  _alive_ , and she was with him, always.

           Her fingers gently combed his hair and massaged behind his ears. After a couple of minutes he emitted a deep, satisfied moan, and his eyes opened just a crack so he could look up at her.

           “Thank you,” he said again. His voice was a deep, sincere rumble in the dark of the room.

           “Anytime.” Rey smiled.

           And then she repeated the same refrain she had said to him from day one:

           “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. They have no power over you, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again. You’re with me now, and you’re safe. I’m going to  _keep_ you safe, and close to my heart, like you are now. I will always be here to bring you back to where you belong. To the light. To home. To  _me_.”


	7. The Child Born of Sand & Smoke Pt. 1

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/173628092367/fic-about-a-secret-reylo-baby-conceived-via)

**Prompt: fic about a secret reylo baby conceived via forcebond - Anonymous**

Rey’s screams of agony echoed around the dark, wet cave near the backside of the island. She had spent almost an hour walking there in the midst of labour pains and now, nearly spent of her energy already, she collapsed, scraping her knees on the rough, jagged rock floor. Her hand grabbed onto a natural ledge in the wall for support and she hauled herself into a sitting position, resting her back against the wall behind her.

           She was panting and drenched in sweat; strands of her hair were sticking to her forehead and cheeks. The pain was unlike anything she had ever experienced before; like being ripped in half and forced open for inspection. Tears fell swiftly down her flushed cheeks as she placed a hand on her heaving, rounded belly. This was it. This baby was coming. Here. Now. On the most desolate, isolated island she could find on Ahch-To.

           And she was all alone.

            “Ben…” she sobbed, calling to her lover across the vast expanse of space. “Please…”

           As another contraction took hold of her body she groaned and cried, throwing her head back. Her throat felt raw from screaming through the pain. She had not known what to expect when giving birth to her first child, but it certainly had not been this.

           Suddenly she felt a pair of hands rest atop her midsection, strong and warm in nature. Her eyes snapped open to see Ben kneeling before her, his eyes wide with fear and amazement. She only just had time to notice he was shaking before the next contraction seized her whole body in a painful spasm of pressure.

           When the pain finally lessened and she could catch her breath, she noticed Ben had removed her pants and undergarments and piled them off to the side. She hadn’t even felt him do it; she had been far too preoccupied. He was making small gestures to help her. She watched as he appraised the situation in pale-faced awe, gently massaging her lower belly in soft, persuasive circles.

           Rey shook her head and reached out for him, weakly grasping at his wrist.

           “Ben…stop,” she pleaded through sobs. “I can’t…I can’t do it…”

           She shook her head and little droplets of sweat fell down the back of her neck to soak into her collar. She really didn’t think she could. Her heart was pounding dangerously and she thought for certain that she would die before ever getting to see her baby. And as selfish as it may sound, she figured death would be a much better alternative to the situation she currently found herself in.

           “Yes you can,” Ben argued, steeling himself between her legs. “Rey, you can do this. You have to. I can see the head.”

           “You  _what_?” she demanded hoarsely. “No…no…I can’t! It’s gonna kill me…”

           “Shh…”

            _“Ahhhhh—!”_

           “Push, sweetheart…that’s it. I’m here; you’re going to be fine. Breathe…breathe…”

           It was blinding. For a second the pain reached such a crescendo that her body stopped registering it as pain altogether. She just felt a sort-of bright, sharp numbness throughout her entire body. She thought maybe she’d died, but Ben’s calm voice nearby told her otherwise.

           “Once more, my love,” he prompted. “Once more, and this will all be over.”

            _Oh please, Maker, let it be over_ , Rey begged to herself. The thought had just barely passed through her mind before the loud, wailing cries of a baby taking its first breath stole all of her attentions away immediately. The pain had vanished altogether, it seemed. With weak, trembling arms she tried to lift herself up so that she may see better over the empty husk of her large belly.

           Ben had his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, and his exposed forearms were nearly covered in blood and mucus, but he didn’t seem to care one bit. His eyes were trained on the crying, wiggling baby he held in those arms.  _A girl_ , Rey noticed sleepily.  _Just like I thought…_

           “She’s beautiful,” Ben whispered, carefully cradling his daughters’ head in his hand. “And so small…”

           “Can I see her?” Rey asked.

           Ben blinked as though he had suddenly been pulled back from some meditative state.

           “Of course,” he said, and he handed their child very carefully to Rey.

           He admired the picturesque scene before him: Rey holding their daughter, immediately post-birth. Her skin was still glistening and red, her hair an utter mess, but he thought she looked the most beautiful he had ever seen her look. She cooed softly to their baby and as he watched, Ben realized it was probably quite cool where they were. He swiftly removed his own shirt and handed it to a very puzzled looking Rey.

           “It’s to wrap the baby in,” he explained. “Take it.”

           She did, and she quickly bundled up her child in the soft, pre-warmed fabric. It smelled of Kylo. It was difficult to explain, but it was a scent that was wholly separate from the misty saltwater air that filled the cave. It was deep and musky and comforting. As soon as the child was securely wrapped up in its fathers’ shirt, its cries simmered down to soft whimpers and squeaks.

           “She’s probably hungry,” Ben suggested quietly. He hadn’t moved from his kneeling position at Rey’s feet. His eyes remained locked on his daughter, completely enraptured by her every movement.

           “Oh yeah, you’re probably right.” Rey muttered sheepishly.

           The child took her nipple without a problem. The sensation of having milk drawn from her body by a toothless newborn baby was a strange one. Her eyes lit up at first and her jaw slackened out of sheer amazement. How could she be capable of something so  _big_? This was creation, after all! This was the gift of life, flowing out of her, feeding and nourishing another human being. But of course, it had taken two to make something so beautiful and pure.

           Ben had slowly come closer, peering over Rey’s knees at their daughter, watching her suckle and listening to her gentle swallowing noises. He barely wanted to breathe too hard, lest it disturb her. Rey couldn’t help but smile as she appraised him. She loved Ben, very much. Although this child was unplanned and technically treasonous to both sides, it was still the best parts of each of them put together. She couldn’t be sure just yet, but she thought the baby had Kylo’s eyes; shape and all. Tears blurred her vision once more. She loved this baby, just as she loved its father, and she would give her life to protect it from any and all harm. She knew Ben felt the same.

           However, Rey couldn’t help but feel like it should have been a celebration. Leia should have been there to greet her first grandchild. It would have been galaxy-wide news, she figured. The child born of sand and smoke had arrived. But it was no such thing. Instead it was Rey, alone in a damp cave, cradling her newborn at her breast while Ben looked on, there but not really there; a whole planetary system between him and his family. It was wrong; they both knew that. It wasn’t meant to be this way. But at least they had each other, in some form.

           “No one can know,” she said quietly, her eyes boring holes into Ben’s.

           He sighed. “They’re going to find out,” he said. “She’s going to grow up and the resemblances will be undeniable.”

           “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Rey retorted quickly. “For now…she must be kept a well-guarded secret, for her own safety. I didn’t hide from everyone for four months just to risk having anything happen to her anyway.”

           Ben nodded sagely. “As you wish.”

           Rey frowned. “I need you, Ben. Now more than ever.”

           “And I promise I will come to you. I will keep you both safe, no matter the cost.”

           He leaned in to place a firm kiss on top of her head. Calm washed over her at his touch, as it always had.

           “You and our daughter are all that is important to me now,” Ben said, letting the weight of his words settle between them. “You two are all I care about. Not the First Order, or the Resistance, or the Jedi. None of that matters anymore; not now that I’ve finally found my place in all this.”

           Rey smiled and their daughter made a satisfied noise between them, which made them both look down at her with nothing but pure affection in their eyes.

           “I love you,” Rey said quietly, “and I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one got a HUGE response. so naturally i had to make it a 3-parter bc i live to please you heathens (jk ily)


	8. The Child Born of Sand & Smoke Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slightly nsfw? sexual content

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174318152407/the-child-born-of-sand-and-smoke-prequel-1-of-2)

**The first of two prequels to The Child Born of Sand and Smoke.**

The waters of her bath were almost too warm for average flesh, but not to Rey. She was used to incredible heat. Some days she even found herself missing it.

           The droid that had drawn the bath for her had infused it with a lovely bouquet of essential oils that gave the steam a delicate floral scent; earthy but beautiful. Rey didn’t want to get out. She had decided she really liked baths. She liked the way the water made the skin on her fingers pucker if she stayed in it too long. And she enjoyed how the pleasant steam, scented or not, had a way of filling her head and drowning out some of her louder thoughts.

           But eventually, she had to leave the warm scented waters behind. She towelled off and grasped the nearest available robe. It was a shimmery lilac colour, with silk adornments on the sleeves. She tied it closed about her waist and set to work on combing out her hair. It came with its fair share of snags and tangles after a long day running about the Falcon and traversing the windswept landscape of whatever outlying planet they were regrouping on that day. She carefully guided the comb through her hair, thankful that they had at least come across another sign of life this time, who had even turned out to be an ally with an incredible ’fresher room.

           Rey froze with her hair half-pulled back in her fists. Her first instinct was still to shout and raise the alarm, but logic was quick to the rescue and she remained silent. There was no danger here. The two stood there, ten feet from one another, and the silence in the room swelled unbearably.

           No longer able to stand the uncomfortable, shocked tension between them, Rey finished tying her hair back and let her hands fall sternly onto her hips.

           “What are you doing here?” she demanded, but not harshly. She had quickly learned that being too stand-offish was never the answer with him.

           Kylo’s mouth opened but no sound came out at first. He blinked rapidly, looking like a stunned sand rat, and choked, “I…uh, I—”

           Rey’s eyes narrowed. There was something in the way he was looking at her that made her heart race. It was at this point she noticed he had a shocking amount of colour in his usually pallid cheeks; a light, hearty pink, rapidly darkening to deep red blossoms.

           “Ben…you’re staring,” she said.

           “Sorry—”

           He turned away rapidly as though she had physically struck him. His dark locks hid his face but she could see one gloved hand raised to his cheek. Perhaps he was trying to rub the colour away, ashamed that he was even capable of showing such emotion?

           Rey stepped a little closer, her curiosity piqued. She was also worried for him, though. He was breathing rather fast, and trembling just barely. It was such a peculiar sight, to see such a powerful man become so timid. It was like when she was ten years old, and she had ventured down to Niima Outpost on a busy market day, only to find that someone had brought in a Thissermount to sell illegally. It had clearly been snared – Rey deduced this by the nasty, pale-pink scars on one of the beast’s stumpy back legs – and it was severely malnourished, with missing patches of hair and a very visible backbone and ribcage. Any Thissermount Rey had seen in the wild looked quite fierce and proud, despite its dopey build. But this one looked nothing like that. It looked sad, and abused, and frightened. It was tethered to a post by a rusty metal chain and a thick metal collar, and it was huddled as far away from the small group of intrigued spectators as it could get, trembling viciously. The sight had brought young Rey to tears, but she could do nothing to save it. Its captor stood protectively over it, demanding payment from anyone who stepped too close. And he had a nasty leather whip in one hand that Rey figured he wouldn’t be afraid to use on a young orphan girl who got too cocky.

           She now saw that abused animal in Kylo Ren. Some days were worse than others. Today he seemed more uncomfortable than angry or scared. He kept himself turned away from her, and he was very clearly out of his element. He possessed none of that cocky, self-righteous attitude Rey had come to expect from him. She couldn’t save that Thissermount, but she could save Ben Solo.

           She closed the space between them and stretched a wary hand out to touch his shoulder.

           “What’s wrong?” she asked.

           Kylo flinched at her touch. But he didn’t move farther away, either.

           “Nothing,” he answered shortly. His voice sounded thicker than normal.

           Rey squinted at him as realization slowly began to dawn on her. Of course! He was just like her! Silly girl, how could she have forgotten? He had been stripped of a normal adolescence too, after all.

           “Have you never…seen a woman in just a-a  _robe_  before?”

           Kylo made a low, guttural sound, somewhere between a groan of embarrassment and a groan of pain.

           “I have!” He snapped back indignantly, turning deep brown eyes on her in a flash. The colour began to rise in his face again.

           “I’ve just…I’ve never seen a woman in a robe that’s quite so  _sheer_  before.”

           Rey frowned and looked down at herself. Fresh out of her bath and without any clean clothes to speak of just yet, she had grabbed the nearest article of clothing she could find. She wasn’t even sure whose robe it was, she just assumed they wouldn’t mind if she borrowed it for a little bit. It hadn’t looked so sheer on the hanger. But now, looking at herself, she could see that Ben wasn’t lying, not one bit.

           She could see  _everything_. In lilac-hued clarity.

           She gasped and fumbled to cover herself with arms and hands and hair. Instinctively, she ushered herself away from Kylo and back against a wall. Now it was her turn to blush violently.

           Kylo watched all this with a mixture of horror and pity. He hadn’t  _meant_  to embarrass her, but she  _did_  embarrass him first…but that too had been entirely by accident.

           He couldn’t just stand there gawking, though. That would only make matters worse. The poor girl looked near tears. Swiftly, he removed his long, thick jacket, leaving himself in a black sleeveless shirt. He sidled over to Rey slowly and handed it to her on an outstretched palm, even going so far as to avert his gaze to the ceiling as he did so. Rey snatched it out of his grip and threw it on without even thinking twice. It was warm to boot, but most importantly it covered her almost down to her knees. She clutched it closed tightly around herself and gave him a meek look of appreciation.

           “Thank you,” she mumbled sheepishly.

           Kylo cleared his throat and lowered his line of vision to her face.

           “You’re welcome.”

           “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…it was just bad timing, is all.” She let her voice trail off, not really knowing how to end her explanation for the events that had just unfolded, mostly because she didn’t really have an explanation to begin with. It really had been just bad timing.

           “It’s okay,” Kylo said. “Should we pretend it never happened?”

           Rey nodded. “I think that would be best.”

           Rey was not a professional by any means when it comes to telling what constitutes as an intimate moment between two people. Having been more or less alone since childhood, she wasn’t the greatest at building positive relationships with people, especially not of the intimate variety. Yet somehow, she had always drawn others to her in a very natural sort-of way, like moths to a flame. This, combined with her limited knowledge of what a real relationship should look like and what  _intimacy_ felt like, always landed her in a very awkward place. She was in one such place right now.

           If she wasn’t mistaken, her relationship with Kylo was very intimate. But it was intimacy of a different sort; in the sense that they were capable of having these raw, emotionally-charged yet incredibly tender moments that were as therapeutic as they were daunting. She would feel the strong desire within her to reach out and touch him, his face, his hair, his fingers. And in return, she would see that very gentle glimmer in his eyes that suggested he felt the same innocent urge. These moments always left her breathless, reeling, and more often than not, confused. And although tonight she felt more embarrassed than anything after the Robe Incident, she couldn’t deny the fact that there was a certain… _clarity_  between them. Something more solid, that hadn’t been there before. Their bond grew stronger, and with it, their feelings toward one another.

           “You never answered my question,” Rey said, breaking the tension-filled silence between them.

           “Hm? Question?” Kylo hummed. His eyes had taken on a glazed-over appearance, and Rey could only imagine what he was recalling in his head.

           “What are you doing here?” she repeated.

           “Oh. That. Well. If I had known you were washing I wouldn’t have bothered you.”

           Rey smirked ironically. “I guess this means we’re even then.”

           A suggestion of a smile flitted past his lips. “I guess so.”

           He paused, cleared his throat, and addressed her directly, his steely brown eyes meeting her vast hazel ones dead-on.

           “I’m here because I was thinking about you,” he said stiffly. “I…I was alone, thinking about you, wondering if you were well. And I guess I just wanted to check in on you.”

           His delivery was awkward, but honest. That much she could tell.

           “So you’re saying you missed me,” She paraphrased, with a raised eyebrow for emphasis.

           “T-That is not what I said!” Kylo stuttered.

           “You didn’t have to say it,” Rey replied triumphantly, “I heard it anyway.”

            _Like a moth to a flame. Come closer, my dark, winged soul. Let the heat of my presence warm you and burn you up into ash, so that you may be reborn anew…_

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but humour played on his lips. He was amused and intrigued and totally, undeniably smitten.

           “I have another question,” Rey piped up. “You didn’t look away until I informed you that you were staring.”

           Cautiously, his eyebrows raised.

           “Oh, didn’t I?”

           Something in the way he said it made a warm sensation pool in the pit of Rey’s belly; a light vibration, driven by intrinsic need and selfish want. His deep, conversational voice sounded like heaven and hell combined, made of equal parts sin and salvation.

           “No, you didn’t. Why?”

           Kylo’s lips pressed firmly together and puzzlement creased his brow. “I’m…not sure how to answer that,” he said.

           “Honestly,” Rey replied, slowly stepping closer to him. “I want you to tell me the truth.”

           Kylo couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off of her. The way she looked up at him, with those long, dark eyelashes all aflutter, made his heart nearly stop. True, she had been the closest he had had to a friend in many years, and he felt most comfortable in her presence. But he couldn’t help wondering when that had changed. In the blink of an eye, it had become so much more…

           And Maker, was it ever dangerous territory he trespassed on. But the closeness of her body and the gentle pout of her lips made it worth the risk every time.

           “I was stunned,” he responded, using that seductive, low tone of voice, drawing her in. “I didn’t know up from down for a moment. All I knew and all I saw was you.”

           “That must have been quite disorienting for you; a man of your hardened emotions.”

           Kylo dared a wry smile.

           “It was.”

           Colour flooded Rey’s cheeks and the bridge of her nose; a light dusty pink, like the petals of a slowly fading evening primrose.

           “When all you could see was me, did you like what you were looking at?” she asked quietly. The words slipped off the slope of her breath, as easy and suggestive as air. But they were weighted with suggestion, and even Rey felt impressed by her own confidence.

           Kylo looked stunned once more. Those deep eyes widened in scandalized astonishment and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw his fists clench hard with restraint at his sides. He was silent for a long moment, obviously trying to fathom how to respond to such a bold question. Rey watched his lips work against one another as he twitched them in concentration.

           “Well?” she prompted. “Did you?”

           “Yes,” Kylo strained, “I did.”

           His expression darkened a touch and for a moment he looked nothing short of ashamed. Rey admired him like this. She had complete control over him, and as scary and sad as that prospect was, she couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of authority, mingled with a fierce protectiveness and just a dash of entitlement. The situation was hers to commandeer now. He was all hers, and he would follow her lead willfully.

           “I’m sorry,” he fumbled. “I shouldn’t have—”

           “Stop.”

           Rey silenced him with a touch – her hand on his. The fist he had been clenched in loosened as he warmed to her contact, allowing her to take hold of his stiff but wanting fingers, just as they had done before.

           “For reasons that are still unclear to me,” she explained, “I don’t mind that you saw what you saw. I’m even a little pleased that you liked it. Do you think that’s wrong?”

           “No,” he replied in a shaky whisper, “but it’s different.”

           Rey chewed gently on her lower lip, thinking about her next request very carefully. She knew what she wanted, but was it what he wanted too?

           “Touch me.”

           She didn’t think the colour in Kylo’s face could get any more pigmented. She was wrong.

           He blinked and stuttered awkwardly. “D-do you want—?”

           “Yes,” she interrupted, “I just want to see…what it feels like.”

           Her own voice was quiet and shaky by now. They were both entranced; wholly intrigued by the situation and scared of it at the same time. But it was the healthy sort of fear: the kind that made their hearts beat a little faster and made their blood run a little warmer.

           Slowly and tentatively, he raised a hand to her cheek, where one of his knuckles softly followed the curve of her right cheekbone, as though he was a painter and she his masterpiece. As he touched her, she watched his eyes light up with amazement. Her skin felt so warm and soft; it was like she was really there before him and they weren’t just connected across space and time by a mysterious bond.

           His caresses were slow and careful at first, but the more she showed him that she liked it – she did this by tilting her head towards his fingertips and allowing her doll-like eyes to flutter closed in peace – the braver he got. His fingers gently followed the column of her throat, making her shiver with their light attentiveness. It wasn’t long before they reached the high collar of his own jacket, and it was there that he encountered his first obstacle. His eyes searched hers for some sort of unspoken permission, which she granted to him genially with a slight, warm smile.

           With ease, his fingers slipped past the dip of the collar, successfully parting the lapels at the break line. He trembled as he touched the smooth, warm skin of her sternum. She did, too.

           He pushed aside the material with an adept hand, allowing the jacket to open and slip down over the curve of her shoulders. Due to how big it was on her, once it was past that point it fell off quite easily and landed with a dull thud around her feet.

           Once again, Rey stood to bare all in the sheer lilac robe. Ben grasped at the soft satin hems of the sleeves, rubbing the material betwixt his fingers, testing its delicacy. He followed the slender, toned shape of her arm, and then he got really brave. With the touch of a feather he caressed the swell of her breast through the soft material of the robe. His fingers shook and she saw his lip tremble.

           Her nipple stiffened at the barest provocation from him, straining against the restrictive folds of the robe. Now it was Rey’s turn to do something about it. She pulled on one end of the robe’s tie and as it came undone it fell open and she bared herself to him completely. The entire galaxy had fallen away around them. Nothing and no one else mattered or even existed in that moment.

           “What is happening…?” Kylo asked dreamily, eyes falling to the tempting softness of her lips.

           “Only what’s meant to happen,” Rey replied earnestly, lifting her chin. “Can’t you feel it?”

           “Yes,” Kylo whispered, his words trailing warm breath over her waiting mouth. “I can.”

           It was passion in its purest and gentlest form. They fell into one another’s depths and drowned, so that they may resurface as changed people joined by love and intimacy. And in that critical moment, as they lay entangled in one another’s limbs, everything changed and they knew it. They could feel it. Something important and much, much bigger than the both of them had begun to grow  _because_  of them. The winds were suddenly changing, spurred on by the catalyst of love and attraction. A new dawn was waiting on the horizon, and with it a storm of profound consequence.

           A storm made of sand and smoke.

 


	9. The Child Born of Sand and Smoke Part 3

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175450341667/the-child-born-of-sand-and-smoke-prequel-1-of-2)

**The second and final prequel to The Child Born of Sand and Smoke.**

            “You can’t go, it’s too dangerous to be there alone.”

            “Oh, I _can’t_? And just who are you to tell me what I can’t do?”

            Rey was practically vibrating with anger. It swelled and bloomed between her and Kylo until it filled the room and the tense silence between them. One look and Kylo knew he had no hope winning any sort of argument against her. She was a force to be reckoned with, all on her own. And maybe that right there should have been his first clue as to why she could handle herself.

            He sighed in resignation, bowing his head in a show of fealty. The heat coming off of her glare burnt him; it made his skin crawl in the most unpleasant way to feel her rage directed at him. He had long ago accepted the fact that if it were anyone else, he would waste no time overpowering them, either by way of violence or some other, less bloody display of dominance. But he couldn’t do that, not to her. He worshipped her too much not to submit.

            “I’m sorry,” he muttered, the edge still sharp in his voice. “I’m just thinking about your safety and that of our child’s.”

            He spat the last word out with a touch more harshness than the rest, as if to remind her that he should have a say in things, too. She may be the pregnant one, but he had helped, and she would do well not to forget that.

            Rey’s temper did not dissipate. Her hands clenched into obstinate fists at her side, fingernails biting into palms.

            “Do you not think that’s what I’m doing?” She chewed out each word. “Do you think I _want_ to spend months alone, on the desolate heap that is Ahch-To, all while I’m heavily pregnant? Surely you’re not that thick!”

            “You don’t need to insult my intelligence just because I have opinions,” Kylo barked.

            “Oh but of course not! You’re the most opinionated _ass_ I’ve ever met, Ben Solo!”

            “I am _not_ leaving you to chance, not when it involves your life and our child’s!” His hackles were raising once more, despite his best efforts to refrain. As much as he loved her, no one could make him as angry as she could.

            _“I can handle myself!”_ she screamed, angry hot tears welling in the corners of her eyes. She bit them back, annoyed at their very presence. “I didn’t survive all those years alone and terrified on Jakku and not learn anything from it! How dare you doubt me, after all I’ve been through! _How dare you!_ ”

            Kylo clamped his mouth shut. He hadn’t meant to tread on the sensitive threads of her childhood, truly. Intense guilt and regret washed over him, prompted by the sight of her, so offended and angry and beautiful. How could he ever hurt a creature as impeccable as her?

            “I have _more_ than prepared myself for this,” she snarled defensively. “I’ve already carried this child for four and a half months and I’ll be _damned_ if I don’t see it through!”

            She sobbed involuntarily and it broke up her speech and racked her shoulders with one great, gasping heave.

            “I will not let this child have a life like I did! I won’t! And if that means having to go away for a while to keep this secret, then so be it.”

            “Rey, I’m sorry,” Kylo said again, cautiously approaching her. “Of course, you’ll go. I never meant—I only want what’s best for you and the baby, you know that. And I…I never thought I’d…”

            His sentence broke off and died, but Rey could see the sentiment glistening in his eyes. Shock. Incredible, exciting shock and awe and what had transpired following their life-changing tryst in the bath. _I’d never thought it would happen to me._

            “Me either,” Rey agreed solemnly. “I’m sorry I got so angry…I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

            “You’re pregnant. That’s what.” Kylo answered simply.

            She gave him a meek smile of acknowledgement and then sighed, her shoulders sagging with the weight of their secret. Her eyes fell downwards, where she could see the bump of her belly, hardly obscured by the fabric of her shift. For the last month and a half she’d been very careful to wear her robe everywhere, in an effort to hide her growing midsection, but that had only been a temporary solution. She couldn’t hide it anymore, unless she wanted to walk around all day shrouded in a large, heavy blanket. Then again, her plan to take off for the remaining four and a half months, citing spiritual enlightenment, was shaky at best, but at least she knew no one would outwardly question that.

            One of her hands caressed the swell of her stomach affectionately.

            “I am.” she whispered in agreement.

            “Maybe I can come see you on Ahch-To,” Kylo offered excitedly. “I can be there when the baby comes.”

            Rey smiled but shook her head. “It’s too risky. You know Hux would never let you leave without sending a tail after you.”

            “I could lose the tail…” Kylo grumbled.

            “I’m sure you could, but like I said, it’s still too risky.”

            Kylo sighed, resigned to the facts of his fate. Someday they’d get to be together. Someday. The uncertainty of that ‘someday’ made him feel sick. Would his child be fully grown by then, with no desire to know their father? _No. I can’t think about that. It’ll only upset her._

            He took Rey’s hand in his and tenderly placed a kiss upon her knuckles. This was not what he wanted for them. Not in the least. He wanted Rey to be with him, so that he could be there for every stage of this experience, every memory. But the reality was that he wouldn’t be. And they both looked at one another with heartache in their eyes as they recognized this together in painful clarity. There was no need for words. Words would only make it more difficult to let go.

            “When are you leaving?” he asked tentatively, after a while. His voice was a whisper, and yet it still seemed too loud to his ears.

            “In the morning, hopefully,” Rey answered stiffly. “The sooner the better.”

            “You have everything you’ll need?”

            Her mouth opened and closed, cancelling the words she wanted to say, which showed on her face anyways. _Everything but you._

            “Yes. I’m ready.”

            “And there’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind; to make you go somewhere with me instead?”

            She smiled weakly. “No, I’m sorry. It’s the safest place for us right now.” Her hand circled her belly.

            Kylo nodded. Then it was settled.

            “I love you, and this baby. I will do anything I can to keep you both safe. Now until the end.”

            “Now until the end.” Rey whispered.

            Kylo held her close, and didn’t let her go for the rest of the night. They stayed together, in one another’s arms, sometimes sleeping, sometimes making love, sometimes just trying their hardest not to cry out at the unfairness of their situation. But between it all, between their bodies, there was a symbol of hope; something to look forward to. Their child. A promise of a better future, carved from the foundation of their love for one another.

            And so, in the morning, it was this comforting thought alone that gave Kylo the strength to let go of Rey’s hand.


	10. knife in my gut

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175328928817/reylo-prompt-something-about-ben-picking-rey-up)

**Prompt x2: user[shykylosolo](http://www.shykylosolo.tumblr.com/) suggested: "Something about Ben picking Rey up either because she's sick, hurt, or something else"; anonymous suggested "Kylo comforting Rey on her period when she has a shitty/moody day"**

 

 There is a knife in my gut. It’s buried hilt-deep, with a phantom hand twisting it side-to-side inside me, stirring my intestines into a tight, tangled, cut-up knot. I doubled-over, curling in on myself so tightly that my entire body quaked. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned in extreme pain.

         There is a knife in my gut, and it’s called my period.

         When the pain finally passed, I let out all the breath I’d forgotten I’d been holding. Tentatively, I stretched out on my bed, wiggling my toes and testing my muscles, making sure the pain wouldn’t be prompted to return by any particular sudden movement. I panted into my pillow, exhausted, sore, and outrageously grumpy.

         It was the second day of my cycle. As long as I’d been menstruating, the second day had always been the worst. When I was younger, it was never this bad. The cramps could be settled with some Midol, or Tylenol in a pinch, and maybe a heating pad at night. But as I’d gotten older, the pain had gotten insurmountably worse. It was debilitating. I’d never thrown up because of it, but I had been bed-ridden for up to three days in a row, and I was on day one of that now.

         As I laid there, I thought I might just stay in bed tomorrow regardless of how bad the pain was. I felt horrible in more ways than one. I had severely embarrassed myself, and as I reflected on yesterday’s outburst, I could actually see myself ten years in the future, suddenly cringing as I did the dishes or some such menial thing, because this very memory had resurfaced unprompted in my head.  _God damn it,_ I cursed myself.  _Why did I have to yell at him?_

Ben Solo’s unique face floated behind my eyes. That sharp jawline, long, crooked nose, brooding brow, and…the way his smile disappeared the instant I raised my voice at him. That sad glint at the corners of his eyes, betraying those pesky hurt feelings that he pretended so desperately not to have. The way he’d reverted into himself and absorbed the blows of my harsh words like a beast resigned to torture. God, I wanted to punch myself in the face. Still do. He should have; I deserved it. But Ben Solo would never raise a hand to a girl, and he would certainly  _never ever_  hit me.

         We had been hanging out at his house yesterday. I’d been there since nine in the morning. I’d woken him up, and he hadn’t yelled at me for it. He’d even managed to smile and look happy to see me when I’d shaken him by the shoulders and kissed his forehead. And  _god_ , he still had those bruise-coloured shadows under his eyes! I should have let him sleep in, because I  _knew_  he’d been working longer shifts to pay for a mortgage down-payment, but no – I needed him. And in the moment that was all I could think about.

         I needed those strong arms to encase me in their protective hold. I needed those deft fingers to comb through my hair. I needed to hear that deep, rumbling voice of his, telling me everything was going to be alright in a whisper like a warm summer breeze. I needed it. I craved it. I was addicted to it – to him.

         We’d spent much of the morning in his bed, lounging and chatting and drinking coffee. By the early afternoon, my cramps had started up, and everything was suddenly ten times more annoying. I had noticed that I had made a point of judging nearly every person I saw on the bus ride over that morning, and in hindsight that should have been my first clue to just turn around and go home. But I had ignored it, because my need to be with Ben overpowered all my other senses.

         It was stupid. So, so stupid. Ben and I had always flirted with one another, for as long as we’d known each other. Never anything serious, until a few months ago when we had finally shared a real, emotionally-rooted kiss. It was quite the incredible kiss, I can say that. But ever since then, things have been different between us. I catch his gaze lingering on me a little longer than it used to. I’ve caught myself numerous times daydreaming about him, completely lost in thoughts of Ben. It was all very new, and very confusing. It made me a little nervous, to tell the truth. More than anything I didn’t want our relationship to change or completely disintegrate all because of one kiss. So when Ben reached over and began leaving delicate kisses down the side of my throat and along my shoulder, he innocently crossed over into dangerous territory. His fingers were dancing up my thigh slowly and rhythmically when something set off the panic alarms in me. I just felt like I needed to pump the brakes before I started to like it too much, lest sex be the final nail in our coffin. So, I snapped.

         I whirled around to face him. Those nasty embers of annoyance and anxiety crackled and burned hot in my chest and no matter what I did I couldn’t keep the smoke from pooling in my mouth. It spilled out and I was no longer able to control it.

         “Stop that!” I yelled. “What do you think this is? You think I came over for  _that_?”

         His entire persona had changed, like I said. It was incredibly sad to watch, but in the moment it only sobered me a little, and that was not nearly enough.

         “Rey, I’m sorry,” he said nervously. “I’ll stop, I didn’t mean to—”

         “I don’t care! You didn’t even ask if you could, you just did! You’ve ruined what was actually turning out to be a good day, so thanks for that. Ruining peoples’ days seems to be your specialty though, judging by your family history.”

         It was a low-blow. He had entrusted me with his secret family pains and old, lingering ghosts. He had not told me his deepest insecurities so I could throw them back in his face, but that was what I had done. At this ignorant statement of mine, he had turned the TV off, now having completely distanced himself from me. He had gone inside himself, to the last place where he could feel safe. The man I looked at was barely human. His lips were a tight, thin line, his eyes shadowed and staring straight ahead, refusing to look at me. A hint of colour burned in the tops of his cheeks – he was angry, or offended, or both.

         “I think maybe you should go home now.” He said curtly.

         So I did. And the second my feet hit the pavement outside his house, my temper had vanished and I felt horrible. But I couldn’t go back, not after that, so I had walked home to suffer in my room alone with my embarrassment and my cramps.

         I could cry about it, if I wanted to. But I seldom cry anymore. I think I did it too much as a kid.

         Another wave of nausea mixed with intense pain washed over me and I groaned loudly. I’m sure my roommates thought I was dying. Nice of them to check up on me, if that was the case – oh wait, they hadn’t. Go figure.

         I curled around on my side, facing the wall. I looked up at a picture of Ben and I, taken during our road-trip to Georgia two years ago. We were both smiling and happy, with our heads pressed together in comradery. We had held hands for the first time on that trip. I looked at the photo, and I asked our past selves to end my torture.

         My door was pushed open with a gentle creak, but I didn’t hear footsteps enter my room. Someone was standing in the doorway, though; I could feel them behind me, looking at me. Could it be? Did one of my roommates actually have a conscience?

         Weakly, I flopped around to see who it was, and my heart soared.  _Ben!_  So he didn’t resent me completely after my abhorrent behaviour yesterday! I chanced a friendly smile at him and breathed a sigh of relief when he returned it.

         He was still dressed in his work clothes: a grease-stained white t-shirt, ripped-up jeans, and white socks with a hole in the toe. His hair was all tousled, which made me think he had been driving with his window down the whole way over, and he still had a little swipe of oil or grease on his brow, one more remnant from his job as a mechanic. It made it look like he had three eyebrows. I would have laughed, if there wasn’t a knife in my gut.

         He held a white Styrofoam container aloft, with a plastic spoon and napkin.

         “I brought you soup,” he announced.

         “What kind?”

         “Tomato and basil, from that little coffee shop down Main.”

         “Did you ask for—”

         “Extra pepper, yes, it’s on there. I checked.”

         He brought it over to me and I sat up slowly. The container was wonderfully warm in my hands and when I opened the lid the aroma practically lifted me off my feet.  _My favourite._

         He swung a raggedy-looking backpack off his broad shoulder and opened the main pocket. I quirked my eyebrow, leaning forward a little to catch a glimpse.

         “What’s all this?”

         Ben smirked, digging around in the bag and pulling things out as he went.

         “I also brought you two packages of Midol, that new comic book you’ve been talking about – the one with the demon girl or whatever? – Forrest Gump – so you can cry your hormones out – an entire bag of assorted chocolates and chocolate bars, a pair of warm, fuzzy socks, and…this.”

         He pulled out an oversized, dark grey sweatshirt. The collar was slightly tattered around the edges, as were the sleeves, and on the front it said AC/DC. It was Ben’s old shirt, and the one I frequently stole to use as a pyjama shirt any time I wound up stranded at his house for the night, or sometimes just because.

         I took it from him gingerly and held it to my nose, inhaling deeply. It smelled of him. I kept it close to me.

         “You’re giving this to me?”

         He shrugged. “I figure it’ll help keep you warm and, y’know…maybe you’ll think of me from time to time.”

         “I think of you all the time,” I blurted out.

         His eyebrows raised. “What—?”

         I cut him off with a tight hug that made my insides squirm unpleasantly but I didn’t care. His hugs were the best. He hugged like he meant it.

         “Thank you, Ben,” I planted a firm kiss on his cheek. “You’re seriously the greatest human to ever exist. I don’t deserve any of this after yesterday.”

         He shook his head, dismissing my sentiment with ease. “Don’t worry about that. It was my fault. I crossed a line, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

         Despite all the pain, I could still feel a stirring of a different kind of heat deep inside. A much more pleasant response to his presence. It was as if my body yearned for him, like he was the only solution to my current ailments, and he just might have been. Either way, I made sure to listen to my gut.

         “I overreacted,” I whispered, letting my eyes fall suggestively to his beautiful, pouty mouth. “I’d hate for you to think I didn’t enjoy it, though.”

         A slow smile spread across his face. His smiles always made me feel like the Earth was spinning much faster than normal.

         “Oh, I never thought that. Not even for a second.”

         He climbed atop my mattress after that and we sat together, eating soup, nibbling chocolate, and reading my comic book. Time seemed to melt away when we were together. Before we knew it, it was 11 p.m. and neither one of us wanted to retire for the night. So we put Forrest Gump into my laptop disc drive and propped it up on a couple pillows at the foot of the bed so we could watch it together. I bawled my eyes out, as I do every time. He denies that it made him cry, but I know for a fact that when Forrest’s mom tells him she’s sick, Ben sniffled and wiped away a tear. I know what I saw, and that’s all I have to say about that.

         After the movie I didn’t want Ben to go home. So he stayed for me, in my bed, with his arms securely around me, somehow keeping the worst of the pain at bay. I don’t know how he did it. Maybe he was magic. Or maybe I just loved him more than I let on.

         I really can’t say.


	11. Rey wants to kiss Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and maybe explore his nether-regions.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175252559772/finn-catches-rey-making-out-with-kylo-but-its-via)

**Prompt: Finn catches Rey making out with Kylo it's via ForceBondTM so he literally sees her making out with air and thinks she's lost her mind." - Anonymous**

 

Rey had been acting strange lately.

               Actually, it was more than strange. It was bordering on full-on psychotic behaviour. It had begun shortly after the battle on Crait. She could be found talking to herself, even going so far as to  _argue_  and  _yell_  at herself, at full volume, often late at night. Laughing at walls, reaching out into the open air as though trying to grasp a hand – needless to say, it had Finn worried.

               Although Finn had only known Rey for a rather short period of time, he felt like he knew her personality well enough. Hell, she was the only person he trusted completely; the only person who had ever made him think,  _maybe this could be something special_. She was his real friend, and he was hers, he thought. So when she began acting out, Finn felt utterly helpless and at a loss for what to do.

               His only clue pertaining to her confusing condition was a name: Ben. Whether she was yelling or laughing, serious or sad, this one name kept recurring. Finn suspected it was the name of whomever she was speaking to, but for the life of him he couldn’t puzzle out who the hell Ben was. It didn’t help that he didn’t know too many people, and most of the ones he knew had numbers for names. So, suffice it to say he was really quite frustrated about the whole thing.

               In the last week, he had noticed an uptake in the frequency of her strange behaviour. There was no explanation, as far as he could tell. But he had found her smiling to herself at dinner, constantly looking over her shoulder with distracted, glazed eyes; he had seen her crying silently late at night as she sat on the end of her bed, staring straight ahead at the blank wall of her room; and just last night he had heard her laugh, cry, scream, and moan, all in the course of a few hours. This made absolutely no sense to him. At first he had jumped from his bed, panicked to the bone, and he headed straight for her room next door without a second thought. But when he got to the door the sounds had stopped, and he had frozen, listening intently. But all he heard past the door was heavy breathing.  _She must have had another nightmare,_ he had thought. Then he yawned, still half-asleep, and returned to his bed.

               He was tired of not knowing. He was tired of letting her go on thinking no one had noticed her actions. He was worried sick for his best friend, and he needed to know  _why_.

               He turned the corner into the sleeping quarters at a determined, quick clip. Jaw set, eyes focused, shoulders back. He was going to ask her what was going on, and damn it, he was going to get his answer.

               He turned sharply to face her, fist up and ready to knock, when he paused. Her door was ajar. He could see her inside, next to her bed. She stood on her tiptoes, hips angled forward, with both arms outstretched, elbows pointed out, as though resting atop some broad shoulders. Her fingers combed through phantom hair. But that wasn’t the weirdest part.

               Her eyes were closed, and her jaw was slack as it worked. Finn didn’t know much about romance and passion and everything that went along with it, but he knew a kiss when he saw one. Only, there was no one there to kiss, so…what was she doing?

               Whatever it was, she appeared to really,  _really_  like it.

               All that determination had evaporated from Finn’s body. Without a sound, he backed away, and walked the opposite direction as fast as he could. His mind raced with possible explanations for what he had just seen, but they all jumbled together. It was just too complicated a scenario to try and make sense of. It took him about twenty minutes to finally accept this fact. Only then could he start to try and wipe the image from his mind.

               As he always did in times of duress, Finn escaped to the kitchens at the back of the ship. He sat on a hard seat, drinking milk at a warped aluminum counter. His gaze was far-off, and his hand was gripping his cup just a  _little_  too tightly. He raised the drink to his lips with an arm that was disconnected from his mind.

               Eventually, Poe came to join him. Poe was always hungry. Other members of the Resistance always poked fun of him and said he had a never-ending stomach. Poe agreed with them.

               The two men sat in silent contemplation for a little while. Poe had happily busied himself with his requested meal, but Finn’s mind was still racing. The only word he could catch in his battling mind was Ben. That same name, that belonged to a person he didn’t know. He turned a curious eye to Poe.

               “Hey, Poe? Question for you. Who’s Ben?”

               “Ben?” Poe asked, around a mouthful of food.

               “Yeah, Ben. Who is he? I, uh, keep hearing his name around here.”

               Poe swallowed and fixed Finn with a nonchalant stare.

               “Ben is Leia and Han’s son. Or, the man previously known as Ben. You might know him as Kylo Ren now.”

               Finn choked on his milk. It dripped down his chin from his nose and mouth, and the kitchen droids all beeped angrily at him for having made such a mess.

               “Whoa, you okay, buddy?” Poe asked, lifting an arm so as not to get milk stench on his clothes.

               Finn, still partially choking, wheezed, “I’m…good…I uh—gotta go…”

               “Oh-kay…”

               Finn stumbled out of the kitchen and fell back against the nearest wall, chest heaving as he tried to regain his breath. His eyes were as wide as the plate Poe had just been eating off of. His mind wasn’t screaming gibberish at him anymore, though. Now it was screaming the truth, over and over and over again.

               “Oh my God,” Finn gasped. “Rey wants to kiss Kylo.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somethin' a little silly.


	12. Coffee and a Derringer

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/172180010842/reylo-fic-prompt-dont-mind-if-i-do-d-kylo-ren)

**Prompt: "kylo ren is assigned as rey's undercover fbi agent" - Anonymous**

 As Rey turned around from the till at her favourite coffee shop, she saw him again. He stood out like a sore thumb in the mostly-empty seating area. The man with the dark hair and facial scar.

           He had been following her.

           For the last three days she had seen him everywhere she went. At first she didn’t think much of it, then she thought she most certainly must have been dreaming. Her mind was playing tricks on her because she wasn’t getting enough sleep at night, that sort of thing. But then he began to haunt her in her  _actual_  dreams, and she would wake drenched in a cold sweat, tangled in her bedsheets, terribly afraid. That was when she knew this was real. He was following her, but why?

           She had a few ideas.

For the last several months she had been working with an underground resistance organization to combat the restrictive and punitive regimes of the First Order, which currently ruled the whole country with an iron fist. The Resistance had been cooking up something quite big in the time Rey had spent with them, and as a highly-trained professional engineer and all-around handy-woman, she had been helping them reach their goal faster than they even anticipated. Now, it seems, the First Order knew of her involvement. As present as her follower was, he did nothing to distract anyone from the fact that he was a cog in the Order’s machine. He wore a fancy black suit, reflective sunglasses, and if Rey could hazard a guess, she would say he also had an earpiece and a gun tucked into the waist of his pants. This obviously posed several problems for Rey, the first being that for the last three days she had been unable to meet with the Resistance because of her persistent tail. As she began losing sleep over it, she got more and more frustrated and annoyed. And it just so happens that today, after seeing her intruder pretend to read yesterday’s newspaper with a full cup of joe in front of him in her  _favourite_  coffee shop, she had had quite enough.

           She stared straight at the man with the dark hair as she took a sip from her coffee. Dark eyes caught hold of hers over the top of the newspaper for the briefest second before they disappeared. She watched him shuffle the pages like nothing had happened. Then, she turned her heel and walked out.

           She kept a quick, even pace down the sidewalk, listening hard for noise coming from behind her. As she was crossing the street she thought she heard a familiar chime; she looked over her shoulder in time to see the man exit the coffee shop, straighten his suit jacket, and begin to trail her. She began to walk a little faster. Carefully, so as not to spill hot coffee all over herself, she cradled her cup in the crook of her elbow and dug around inside her purse until her fingers came to rest around the smooth, cool handle of her small derringer pistol. Then, she suddenly ducked around a corner into an alleyway, backing up just a few paces, and there she waited.

           Her coffee safely set on the ground behind her, she held the gun tightly in both hands, keeping it low against her thighs, amidst the folds of her yellow skirt to hide it from any other potential passerby. She began to hear footsteps getting closer. Not more than one set. Her heart raced and she could taste blood in her mouth as her teeth clamped down on the tip of her tongue.

           As the man turned the corner, he was met with quite the sight: an angry young woman, dressed in a flouncy yellow polka-dotted skirt and jean-jacket with cute little ankle boots, pointing a pistol right between his eyes.

           “Holy shit—!” He yelped and staggered back, his own hand quickly brushing aside his jacket and reaching for his gun.

           “Don’t!” Rey snapped, advancing on him quickly until the tiny barrel of her gun was pressed against the middle of his chest.

           He froze immediately and put his hands up, watching her like a hawk for any sign of her next move.

           “Okay…alright…” he said, as calmly as possible. “Let’s not do anything to crazy.”

           “Why have you been following me?” Rey demanded.

           In the blink of an eye the man’s entire demeanor changed. He straightened and fixed her with a cool, bemused stare that held her unflinchingly in its grasp. A smirk that was almost cruel and almost charming at the same time pulled at the corner of his full lips.

           “I think you know why,” he purred, “don’t you?”

           Rey didn’t say anything to that; she couldn’t. She would admit to nothing for as long as possible. But the way he was looking at her…god, it felt like he could read her mind. He already knew everything he needed to know about her; she had nothing left to hide. But she wouldn’t let his disarming nature affect her. It may have won other battles for him, but it wouldn’t win this one.

           “Who are you?” she asked icily.

           The man sighed. He looked bored now. His raven hair fell across his forehead and he carelessly pushed it back, his eyes roaming around the small confines of the alley as though searching for anything better to stare at. Rey’s finger twitched longingly upon the trigger.

           “My name is Kylo Ren,” he explained. His eyes searched her face. “You don’t know about me?”

           “No,” Rey shot back, “should I?”

           He smiled. He actually smiled; a broad, cheeky smile, like she was suddenly the most entertaining thing he had ever seen. It annoyed her almost as much as the heat rising up the back of her collar did. There was something in those eyes, in the way they lit up when he smiled, that threw her for a very sudden, lurching loop.

           “I can see why the Resistance recruited you,” he commented. “You’re kind of a plucky thing, aren’t you? That’s a good quality to have.”

           He admired the barrel of her gun with his fingers. They slid along the top of it slowly, roaming back to encircle the chamber. She used the side of her gun to smack his hand away violently before withdrawing it. She had other options available, and besides, she didn’t really  _feel_  like shooting a man in the middle of the downtown area where anyone could hear her gun go off.

           He still had that smug, knowing look on his face. But she could tell he was just as disarmed as she was, if not more. He was incredibly distracted by her, for one. It was clear he had no intentions of restraining her or bringing her in for questioning. If he had, he would have done it already. The First Order does not believe in wasting time, or in allowing potential enemies the ability to walk free. He was just playing with her, like a cat with a mouse between its paws. The only problem for him was, this mouse had particularly sharp teeth, and a fondness for biting.

           “Oh, so you’re  _not_  going to shoot me?” he asked, raising his brows. “Damn. I was looking forward to it.”

           “It may happen yet,” Rey said calmly, reaching into the pocket of her jacket as discreetly as possible. “Don’t let those hopes down too low.”

           “Is that right?”

           “Mmhm. In fact—” The powdery substance was soft as beach sand between her fingers as she grasped it inside her pocket. Once she was sure she had enough, she flicked it into his face, making him cough and sputter and blink. “—it might happen sooner than you think.”

           “Augh, what the hell?! What is this?!” he screamed. His hands furiously dusted the white substance out of his face as his eyes watered.

           “A new product the Resistance has been working on,” Rey answered sweetly. “Since your kind plays dirty, we decided we will too.”

           Kylo fumbled, reaching out for the nearest wall with which to brace himself. He was panting and although the coughing and sneezing had subsided, he looked drained of all his energy. He slumped against the wall, heaving.

           “Are you feeling a little sleepy all of a sudden?” Rey inquired. “That’s perfectly normal. Just lay down…there you go…close your eyes…”

           He was out, just like that. She grinned at the success of the magical little powder, admiring its effects for just a moment longer before pulling out her phone and dialing a number.

            _“Hello?”_

“Finn? It’s Rey. I need your help. And can you bring handcuffs?”

**

           Rey splashed water on top of Kylo’s head to rouse him. He awoke with a start; his spine straightened and he tried to stand up but when he found himself restrained and incapable of doing so he fell back down to his knees. His head twisted this way and that, trying to piece together his current location. His chest and shoulders heaved with each panting breath of panic as he wielded no answers in the dark room.

           When the dim lights came on they nearly blinded him. He looked up to see the girl standing over him, but looking at a point straight ahead rather than at him. He followed her gaze to an empty chair, made of maple and fitted with red velvet cushions.

           Suddenly a door opened and a group of four people walked in, dressed in flowing robes and gowns. As they took their seats and Kylo could see each and every one of their faces, he groaned audibly and hung his head.

           The older woman took her seat in the chair and as her eyes fell upon her prisoner she too had a strange reaction (by Rey’s standards). At first, pain flashed in those brown eyes of hers, sharp and clear in its reflection. Then she sighed, put her head in her palm, and massaged her temple.

           Confused, Rey cleared her throat.

           “I-I’ve brought you the man who’s been following me,” she explained. “He says his name is Kylo Ren.”

           The woman sighed again. “Yes, I know who he is,”

           “You…do?” Rey asked.

           “Yes. He’s my son.”

           Shock lanced through her.  _He couldn’t possibly be Leia and Han’s son,_ she thought frantically to herself.  _He’s…_ evil _or something, he has to be! He works for the First Order! He just couldn’t be…_

           But as she looked down and saw those dark eyes looking ahead with an air of morbid amusement, it all clicked into place for her. He had his father’s chin, his mother’s cheek, and the thick, undeniable hair of a Skywalker prodigy. Her limbs felt frozen and she couldn’t move; she just stood stock-still, staring at him in mute horror.

           Kylo sighed, just as his mother had done, and rolled his eyes up to her, opening his mouth to speak.

           “Now look at what you’ve done.”

 


	13. Helluva Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all aboard the feels train

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/172331405157/hi-i-have-a-suggestion-i-like-to-believe-han-was)

**Prompt: "Hi. I have a suggestion. I like to believe Han was force sensitive. That said, my one-shot suggestion is; Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is having a difficult time sleeping tonight. He misses his family. Rey, his mother and his father. Han visits Ben as a force ghost for a father to son chat." - user[jugheadnoir](http://www.jugheadnoir.tumblr.com/)**

  _Daddy, I fly now! I fly!_

_Alright, take it easy there, kid. You fly, eh? I bet you’ll be an amazing pilot, won’t you? Might even give me a run for my money. Here, sit on my lap, take the controls – yep, just like that. That’s my boy. Now you’re flying…_

           A grunt of discomfort from somewhere amidst the blankets. The head of tangled, tousled black hair sunk lower beneath the sheets.

            _You are so special to me, do you know that? Look at you. My handsome little boy. You are my everything, yes you are. Are you Mommy’s sweet boy?_

_Mommy! Mom-mama!_

_My sweet boy…_

“Mom…”

           A hand stretched out from beneath the blankets, short fingernails clawing desperately at the mattress, reaching out for something that was not there.

           A shift in the subconscious; as imperceptible as the slightest change in a summer breeze. A bright light that faded to a soft yellow glow, like the light of the receding sun in the evening. And then a face. The beautiful, youthful face of a young scavenger girl, splashed with freckles where it had been frequently kissed by the fiery sun of Jakku. Those eyes of hers, a rich hazel green the colour of lush forest planets, seemed to be bottomless. To search the depths of her stare was to fall into it completely; to be consumed by it, heart and soul. But they were so terribly sad. The tears that made them shine so bright reflected a blurred, shadowy figure offering a hand.

            _Please…_

The plea of a broken man. Her fingers stretched out towards his, so close he could almost feel the ghost of them brushing against his own. Just a little closer now…if he just stretched a little bit more, she could take his hand…

            _Ben. Get up._

           “Rey—!”

           In an instant Kylo sat up in his bed, eyes wide in disoriented alarm. He was drenched in sweat and breathing hard. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest at any second. The echoes of his dreams still danced around his head, taunting him like the painful memories they were. But why? Why tonight? Of course, he knew why.

           Ever since the battle on Crait, when he had lost his uncle and Rey in one fell swoop, the new Supreme Leader had been accordingly troubled. The weight of his final confrontation with Luke, combined with the last, disapproving look he had received from the girl he loved had nearly been enough to break him, and certainly they had kept him up long into the night on several occasions, respectively. But that was not what bothered him tonight. Tonight, there was another ghost that was demanding his attentions.

           His father’s dice, placed in his own gloved palm, had served their intended purpose: a painful reminder of who he was, who he still could be, and of what he had done. And now, he couldn’t stop thinking about those infernal dice, or his father. Han Solo. The man Kylo had idolized as a child. A war hero. A star pilot. A smuggler; an outlaw. A victim to his own son’s blade. For so long Kylo had told himself that his father’s foolish blind love and devotion for his son, for Ben Solo, had been Han’s undoing. And in a way, he was right. But now he couldn’t help wondering if his own love for his father, which had been viciously repressed and tainted with darkness over years of outside influence from Snoke, was beginning to make Kylo foolish, too.

            _Ben?_

           Kylo jumped, so sure he was that he had heard the voice come from somewhere inside his room. His head swivelled this way and that, eyes searching the shadowy corners for any sign of movement. There was none. He was alone. But still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t, not truly. Slowly, he began to peel back the layers.

            _Can you see me? I can see you._

That voice…it was clear enough now that Kylo could recognize it, and he did so immediately. How could a son ever forget the voice of his father?

           Suddenly very afraid, Kylo tensed up.

           “Who’s there?” he demanded, surprising himself with the sharpness in his voice. “What is this?”

            _Ben, I’m here._

           A cold hand touched the side of his face. It was just for an instant and as light as a feather, but he could feel the individual fingertips as they made contact with his cheek. He yelled and retreated, jumping back off his bed and crouching in a defensive position, staring at the place where the hand had apparently come from. Only now there was something –  _someone –_ there.

           Han Solo.

           But Han Solo was dead. Kylo had killed him. So how could this be?

           A Force ghost was Kylo’s first thought, but that was impossible. Han wasn’t Force-sensitive, not to anyone’s knowledge, anyway. Kylo had never sensed his father to be in possession of such a skill. But there was a chance Han had repressed it somehow; refused his potential in return for a simpler life, even if that isn’t quite what he got.

           “How is this possible…?” Ben whispered. “You can’t be doing this…I’m still dreaming, I must be.”

            _Well I am doing this, and you’re not dreaming,_ Han retorted, rather proud of himself.  _I’ll be honest, I don’t understand it any better than you, kid. But I’ve been trying to reach you for what feels like a very long time. You’ve been ignoring me._

           Kylo didn’t say a word. He just stared, stunned and frozen.

            _I guess I can’t blame you. You’ve had a lot going on, I see._

“What  _did_  you see?” Kylo swallowed.

            _I saw enough. I see you and that little hijacker I found are starting to get along…sort of. How’s that for you? You know, I always had a good feeling about her –_

“Why are you here?” Kylo stood up straight now. He did not want to talk about Rey, or about Luke, or about any of that.

            _Mmphm._ Han smiled that snarky, crooked smile of his.  _I’d say I’m here because you want me to be, even if you don’t know it or want to admit to it._

Ben’s lips pressed together tightly for a second. He had been dreaming of his father, after all.

           “So what now?” he asked bitterly. “Are you going to ask me to apologize for killing you?”

            _No, no. I can’t ask that. And I think you’ve punished yourself enough over it, anyway._

“So what then?”

            _Son…I love you. Then and now. I know I didn’t say it enough when it counted; I was a crummy parent, I know that. I was never there enough, for you or for your mother. But I’m saying it now, because you need to hear it._

           “Don’t do that—”

            _I_ said  _you need to hear it. You’re struggling, son. You’re not meant to be here, with the First Order, and you’re not meant to be Supreme Leader. You know that, deep down. And you also know where you’re supposed to be._

Kylo exhaled a long breath. “I can’t go back. Not anymore. There’s nothing there for me.”

            _There’s your mother. And there’s Rey. I know how you feel about her. C’mon, kid, she even told you she wanted you to come back with her; to be with her. She can’t exactly make it more obvious than that, can she? But you made a bad decision. It happens. I’ve made more than I can count, obviously. And anyways, who says you have to do a full three-sixty? You don’t have to join the Resistance but you do need to get away from here. Say, you could be a smuggler just like your old man! Remember – heh – remember when you were just a kid, and you were dead-set on doing what I did for a living? Your mother hated that._

Kylo didn’t respond but instead stared long and hard at the floor. The memory brought a painful sting to his chest.

           Han cleared his throat.

            _No, you’re right; it’s probably best you never followed my footsteps, at least not in that respect. But you are a helluva pilot, aren’t you?_

Kylo raised his head, looking at his father for the first time in a long time with the vulnerable eyes of that young boy he had been, so many years ago now. Han was smiling affectionately back at him, tears twinkling in the corners of his eyes. He would never let those tears fall, because Han Solo didn’t cry. But every now and then he would show them to those he cared about most, just to let them know that he could cry, if he wanted to.

           The compliment brought a surge of emotions into Kylo’s already heavy chest. Thrill, pride, embarrassment, and boyish honour, to name a few. He would never tell his father how much he loved him, nor how sorry he was, because Kylo Ren didn’t say those things. But Ben Solo just might, and lord knows he wanted to in that moment.

            _Didn’t I always say you’d be an amazing pilot someday?_


	14. Wish You Were Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dark side of the moon.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174063612302/can-you-write-a-reylo-fic-based-off-wish-you-were)

**Prompt: "Can you write a Reylo fic based off 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd?" - Anonymous**

She could sense him somewhere behind her, as though he had materialized out of thin air; like a light someone had just turned on. She didn’t look away from her task of polishing, but she acknowledged his presence with speech alone.

           “Have you changed your mind?” she asked genially.

           A beat of silence, and then:

           “About joining your band of traitors and fighting for the Rebellion? Hardly. Have you changed yours?”

           Rey raised her slender eyebrows just a little.

           “About joining your crew of murderers and monsters? Not a chance.”

  There was no reply, but he didn’t go away either. She could still sense him there, rooted just a few feet away. Those dark eyes watched her; she could feel them travel slowly down the soft slope of her neck to her shoulders. Another strange sensation overcame her: a cool sweat began to bead along her hairline, just as her stomach began to do flips of the nervous/excited variety.

           Wishing for the torture to end, she finally set down the hunk of metal she had been so vigorously cleaning with a loud  _clank._  She spun around in her chair and fixed Kylo with an icy stare, one of several she had perfected during the time they had been bonded.

           “What do you want, Ren?” she asked sharply.  _He wants something. There’s always something._

           She was actually surprised to see the shadow of a small, alarmingly boyish smile still on his lips. It took a significant amount of self-control on her part not to let her eyes widen in astonishment, lest she betray herself. There was still a touch of wickedness in those deep, dark eyes.

           “What can you offer me?” he replied calmly, clearly trying to get a rise out of her.

           “I can offer you a brand new chance at life,” she said somewhat dryly, “as the man you were meant to be: Ben Solo.”

           Kylo rolled his eyes dramatically. “Is that really all you have? You said that the last time, too.”

           Rey’s searching eyes narrowed. “What else could you want?”

           His smile returned, far more crooked this time. His whole face seemed to light up when he did that, in a mischievous sort of way. He looked like a dastardly rogue or a charming pirate.

           He looked like his father.

           They had been playing this game with one another for a little while now. Rey supposed it could be considered “flirting”, but her feelings were still confusing her, so she refused to admit it to herself. Instead she referred to it as “bickering”. Often playful in nature, they would toy with one another, asking monotonous, pointless questions round and round in a circle until one of them yielded. It seemed as of late the only time they actually had a “normal” conversation was when one (or both) of them was in a particularly bad mood, and even then it typically just dissolved into arguing. But any other time they found themselves alone together and vulnerable, they each put their guards up. So they would go on flirting for ages, neither willing to make the step beyond and face their true feelings in the realm of pure, brutal honesty. It was a game of torture, in case you are still wondering. Self-inflicted, more than anything. But there was something different tonight. Rey couldn’t tell if it was because she had slept poorly the night before, or if Ben himself held a distinct air of unhinged desperation, but there was something new between them tonight.

           His expressive face shifted ever so slightly. His left eye twitched; barely noticeable to anyone but Rey. His full lips worked against one another as his frustrated thoughts showed behind his eyes, churning frantically. He knew about something she didn’t. Her eyebrows knotted together in speculative angst.

           “You know what I want,” he said clearly. His voice was a little too sharp around the edges.

           “And you know what I want,” Rey retorted, firm as ever. “Or rather,  _who_  I want. This isn’t it.”

           Kylo said nothing but instead pierced her with his stare. She always felt like he could see the most hidden parts of herself when he looked at her like that. It made her feel naked; like a vulnerable, foolish girl whose secrets were entirely exposed to him. No one else had the ability to make her feel like that. And it’s not that it was a particularly bad feeling; on the contrary, she felt oddly safe in Kylo’s presence since their bond began. Although it was worrying, wondering what he could possibly see in her and being unable to shut him out, at the end of the day she had bigger fish to fry. Because despite what he knew, Kylo would never tell a single soul anything that she had shared in private with him.

           “Ben…” she pleaded, stepping closer. It was her turn now, to take control of the situation. He had initiated it, and certainly had thought he held the upper hand, but she had a profound proficiency in deteriorating that notion within seconds, turning the tables on the Supreme Leader of the First Order as though it were as easy for her as navigating the wreckage on Jakku had been. Second nature, almost.

           He backed away half a step, instinctually wary of her. He had come to expect these things from her. And each time she pulled this move, it  _almost_  worked. Almost. But never quite enough.

           “Won’t you come to me?” she asked. The refrain was her siren song. “This isn’t the way it’s meant to be; you know that.”

           “It doesn’t matter what I know. The Force is stronger than the both of us. The Dark Side calls to me, as it calls to you, in your dreams, where you try to deny it…”

           “If that’s the case, then it seems we’re both in denial,” Rey shot back.

           Kylo’s lips twitched, somewhere between a grimace and a begrudgingly impressed smile.

           “Ben, I know you,” she continued, getting even closer. He had quickly stopped trying to dance out of her reach.

           “You’ve felt so lost for so long. All that time in Snoke’s clutches, you always thought in the back of your mind that maybe you were better than that; maybe you chose the wrong path after all. But you would hide those thoughts away and punish yourself for ever having thought them, too afraid of what Snoke would do to you if he ever found out you had doubts. He treated you like a weapon; an object he could twist and manipulate to do whatever he desired. You were nothing to him. Nothing at all. Once you gave him what he wanted and no longer possessed any value to him, he was going to do away with you. You knew that. Late at night, as you laid shivering on your hard bed in your dark cell, afraid and alone, you recognized this as fact, didn’t you?”

           Rey could see his hackles raising. But she wasn’t speaking to him in the way he was used to, like he was a child who had done wrong. She spoke to him as an equal, as someone she understood and could relate to. In that calm, alluring voice she had created just for him, she attempted to break his self-made cage.

           “Snoke is dead, and you no longer have to be afraid and alone. Please, Ben. I can help you, if you’ll just let me.”

           Casually, she stretched a hand towards him, daring to brush a stray lock of his dark hair out of his eyes. She was so close she could hear the shakiness of his breath; feel his warmth against her skin. One of her knuckles glanced over his forehead, just above his brow bone. He visibly trembled.

           “Sometimes I wish you were here,” Rey admitted softly, “ _really_  here. And then I remember that you could be, so easily, but—”

           “But what?” Kylo’s eyes narrowed. He was pulling away, as he typically did after showing any sign of weakness in front of her. “But I won’t change into who you want me to be? But you can’t accept me, all of me, even the dark parts?”

           Rey shook her head and sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

           “Yes it was,” Kylo’s voice swelled. “You think there’s some stark difference between who I used to be and who I am now. There isn’t. I’ve always had this darkness inside me. So have you. The only difference between us is that I didn’t continue to deny it.”

           “No, instead you continue to punish yourself, day after day. You lie to yourself. And for what? You don’t want to be Supreme Leader. You want more than that; more than the Order and the Rebellion, more than all of it.”

           “I asked you!” Kylo yelled, his frustration finally boiling over. “I asked you to come away with me, to leave all this behind! I  _begged_  you for my freedom and you refused it.”

           “Because I can’t give it to you. Ben,  _you_  have to be the one to move beyond this. Your captor is gone. Take the keys and unlock your cell door.  _Come to me now._ ”

           Despite the fact that he yelled at her, she still spoke to him in that same, soothing tone of voice. It made him think of being a young child, cradled in his mother’s strong arms as she wiped his tears away and ushered off his fears with just her words. He crumbled beneath the weight of it all.

           Something cracked in him. Rey could see it. Was it finally working? Had she finally crossed that deadly gorge that kept him split in two?

           “You’re better than this,” she pleaded, “than all of it.”

           “I’m not,” he argued, shaking his head sadly.

           “You are! Ben, please…”

           She reached for him again, desperate to touch his cheek, his hair, to just close to gap between them and take him in her arms. She wanted to wash all his pain away, even though she knew it was a much bigger task than she had ever faced before. It didn’t matter. Despite everything he had done, she had come to know him and care for him. The man that looked back at her now, with the air of a broken boy who had fallen so far, was not Kylo Ren. It was Ben Solo.  _Her_  Ben. The lost boy whose heroes had betrayed him and turned to ghosts. Swimming around in circles, a constant victim to the merciless current stirred up by the manipulative Supreme Leader Snoke. She wanted desperately to pull him from the water.

           But before she could get to him, he was gone, casting her back into a lonely existence in her bunker, where there was no one else besides her. She dropped her hand and it smacked uselessly against her thigh. If she was ever going to bring Ben Solo back into the light, it wasn’t going to be through their Force bond. She would have to go to him, in person, risking life and limb for his salvation. But that would be her sacrifice, and she was willing to make it, simply because she believed it to be possible.

           She knew Ben Solo was interwoven into the very fabric of her destiny.

           “I still wish you were here,” she said out loud. “But for now, I’ll make do with the knowledge that one day you will be.”

 


	15. the fear of being eaten alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter deals with nightmares.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/170117990207/kylo-having-nightmares-w-rey-comforting-him)

**Prompt: "kylo having nightmares with rey comforting him ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ" - Anonymous**

A knotted, mottled hand with long, yellowed fingernails reached out from the shadowy darkness and gripped him by the throat. He choked and gasped, powerless against the ghostly hold, unable to writhe or escape the vicious attack.

           He could hear the blood pounding in his head, along with curious overlapping whispers in languages he couldn’t quite understand. His veins burned and swelled, needing oxygen but receiving none. Stars danced across his vision; tiny, flashing glimmers of light, orbiting around his head. Nestled in a vast darkness that easily could have been the far reaches of space, they almost made him forget about how his lungs felt like they were on fire.

           The disembodied hand tightened. Somewhere out in the distance, someone was laughing. It sounded humorless, dead and cold. It was laughing at  _him_.

           The darkness began to swallow him then. Its sharp teeth sank into the flesh of his legs. He could feel and hear his bones snapping like twigs under the great pressure of the phantom jaws. A scream could not escape his raw, dry throat. He could feel himself dying slowly. It was cold, so much colder than he had imagined it would be. It cut straight to his soul and stayed there, replacing his humanity with a cold, impenetrable, frozen parasite. His eyes began to close as his last breath rattled from his throat…

  And then the great dark beast was shaking him, tossing him side-to-side betwixt its jaws like he was a plaything. It began to speak his name, repeating it over and over again, garbled at first and then growing into a distinctly feminine crescendo of noise.

            _Kylo…Kylo…Ben!_

His eyes snapped open. With a hard gasp of air that shocked his lungs he sat bolt upright, chest heaving and heart racing. He was drenched in a cold sweat; it dripped from the ends of his hair onto his nose. Blinking furiously, he came back into his surroundings. His room. His bed. His body, still whole. His hands, his arms. His…Rey.

           She sat next to him, coated in the moonlight pouring in through the open window, making her look like an apparition. She wore a mask of concern, with even a touch of terror woven in. Her eyes were wide, looking at him as though seeing him for the first time.

           “Wh-wha—” Kylo stammered. His mouth was bone-dry.

           Rey handed him a glass of water, which he drained quickly and gratefully.

           “You were having a nightmare,” she explained. “I…felt it.”

           Kylo wiped his mouth. “Oh.” He mumbled. “Did you see it, too?”

           “No,”

           “Good.”

           “Are you okay?”

           Kylo fixed her with a perplexed stare. No one ever asked him that. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

           “I’m fine.” He said stiffly.

           “It just…seemed really bad, is all.”

           “It…” He had been about to brush it all away with one quick lie, but the way she was looking at him made him stop. Did she really care? The frown she wore said yes. So did the crease between her eyebrows.

           “I get them too, a lot,” she offered sheepishly. “They’re terrifying. I can never make myself go back to sleep afterward.”

           Kylo was stunned. “Me neither,”

           “Do you…would you like me to stay for a while? So you’re not alone?”

           Kylo nodded. He really would like that.

           He wrapped his arms around himself, still feeling that chill of death that had nearly claimed him in his dream. It made him feel so empty, so…absent. He shuddered involuntarily.

           “You’re shivering,” Rey observed. “Here.”

She gathered up his blanket which he had kicked to the very end of the bed and tossed it over his broad shoulders, crossing it in front of him. He gripped it thankfully but did not verbally thank her for her kindness. Instead, he looked at her like she was a stranger.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked bluntly. “Why are you helping me?”

Rey gazed at him for a long moment. It was a valid question, after all. They were two people on opposite sides of a galactic war. They weren’t supposed to be meeting after dark and wrapping one another in blankets to keep the demons away. They should hate one another. They should want to kill one another. That was how it  _should_  be, anyway. But it wasn’t. When Rey looked at Kylo just then and saw the darkness of the nightmare that still swam in his mind, any ounce of hatred she had been holding for him disappeared. Just like when they were in the hut on Ahch-To, and she had confessed so much of her inner turmoil to him without really knowing why. Yet he had sat and listened and even comforted her. Rey was unsure, but she felt that it was supposed to be this way. They were meant to show their humanity to one another. They were meant to help one another, not destroy each other like enemies. That would fix nothing. Compassion, on the other hand, may just be the answer they were searching for.

“I don’t really know,” she finally replied, casting her eyes downward. “I know I shouldn’t. After all you’ve done, I should hate you, but I can’t.”

“Why?”

She raised her head, piercing him with a stare that was almost too intense, with eyes that were almost too glassy.

“Because, when I look at you now I don’t see a monster. I see a tormented soul who never had much of a chance. You’ve done terrible things, Kylo. Things that I can’t ever forgive you for. These things will follow you for the rest of your life. There’s nothing that can be done about that. But I can show you kindness, still. I can show you your redemption; I can give it to you.”

“It’s too late,” Kylo said dismissively.

“It’s not!” Rey retorted, leaning in closer. “I told you I saw your future. It’s because of that, that moment we shared, that I feel—no, I  _know_  you’re our only hope. You’re my only hope. And I can’t give up on you, not completely, no matter how badly I may want to.”

“Everyone else has already,” Kylo said morosely. “My father, my mother, my uncle most of all.”

“They made mistakes, too. They thought your choice was made when it wasn’t. They put too much emphasis on your bloodline; your relationship to your grandfather. They thought you were doomed because of that, and they let you fall prey to Snoke’s influence without even knowing it. But I don’t think they know you like I do.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“This does.” Rey gestured between them. “The fact that we’re connected through the Force. You know that means something.”

Kylo didn’t reply, but he agreed in spite of himself. He couldn’t ignore the magnitude of their connection. The Force would not have bonded them if it didn’t mean something.

“Not to mention the fact that we’re equals,” she went on. “Snoke said it himself, did he not? Darkness rises, and light to meet it. Ben, we can bring balance to the Force. I believe we could end it all; the Jedi, the Sith…but after all is said and done, it will still be me and you, as it was before, as it was always meant to be. Don’t you feel it?”

He wanted to say no, he didn’t. He wanted to tell her to drop it, to stop putting her faith in him because he would only disappoint her, but he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t deny what he felt, no more than she could. She offered him her hand and his heart raced as he stared at her palm, open to his touch.

“My dream,” he said through a parched throat. “In my dream, I was being eaten alive by the darkness. It was pulling me in, consuming me, heart and soul. I felt death begin to take me. Everything was so dark and cold and hopeless…and then I heard you calling me. I felt you. And just like that I was free and awake and…alive.”

Rey’s eyes were pleading. “Yes. Don’t you see? I can save you, Ben. But I need you, too. I need your help. Please.”

Kylo hesitated for a moment longer before his hand extended from beneath his blanket and joined with hers. That same warm, alarming sensation raced up his arm, as it had in the hut. Suddenly everything was brighter, more vibrant, more hopeful. He no longer shivered. The cold within him had been replaced by something more. Something warm and alive and  _real_. He was no longer a dark apprentice or a tortured boy who had nightmares, but rather a human man with blood pumping through his veins and a mind of his own. The taste of his own salvation made his eyes widen and his jaw slacken. This was it. This was real. This was all because of her, a scavenger. A girl. Rey.

“Then you’ll have it,” he said in an awed whisper. “You will have every piece of me. From this moment until the end. You’ll never be alone again.”

A single tear fell down Rey’s cheek.

“Neither will you.”


	16. Don't Say I Never Got You Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is slightly NSFW.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175292544122/prompt-rey-casually-finds-out-its-ben-solos)

**Prompt: "Rey casually finds out it's Ben Solo's birthday from Leia and gives him a gift" - Anonymous**

Rey sat quietly eating her meal at the dining table, watching Leia move swiftly from this room to that one, commanding at least seven droids at once to complete odd tasks that Rey didn’t really understand. One droid was busy baking a three-tier cake, another three were viciously cleaning every surface in the place. Everyone was moving, except for Rey.

           When Leia finally got a second to pause and monitor the progress on the cake, Rey decided it might be her only chance to ask.

           “What’s all this for, anyway?”

           Leia blinked at the girl for a moment, as though she’d completely forgotten Rey was even sitting there. She recovered rather quickly, though, and her face warmed in delight.

           “It’s Ben’s birthday,” she said. “It’s his first one back after…well, after. He never really cared for big flamboyant parties, but we’d always have a family supper with cake and games and Alderaanian food. I’m trying to recreate that as best as possible. I think it’ll be good for him to be reminded that things like familial love don’t have to change.”

           It was very difficult for Rey to continue chewing her food during that explanation and not choke on it. By the time she actually swallowed it, she was no longer hungry. She was one part angry for not having been told sooner by a certain someone, and equal parts nauseous and guilty at the thought of not having gotten Ben anything. The strange combination of emotions made her feel light and dizzy.

           Thankfully, she was able to coax herself back from the edge of panic before Leia took any notice. She pulled her lips into a faux smile and nodded as energetically as possible. In hindsight, she wasn’t totally sure it hadn’t just looked like her neck was a cooked noodle, with her head wobbling dangerously on top of it. But, as far as Leia was concerned, it was believable enough.

           “I think it’ll be good for him too. If you’ll excuse me.”

           And with that, Rey deposited her dishes in the already-full sink and hastily left the kitchen, headed for the sanctuary of her room.

            _A birthday party?!_  She thought as she paced.  _It’s his birthday and he never told me! I’m going to smack him into next week for this._

           For a moment she stilled; one foot held precariously in front of the other, mid-stride. A birthday party. That was why she hadn’t recognized why everyone was so busy, or what they were doing. She’d never been to a birthday party before. She hadn’t even seen one. All she knew about birthdays was that they were important, because it meant someone was a whole year older. She had always thought there must be celebrations for it. She didn’t even really know when her own birthday was. She had a vague idea, but at this point she was no longer sure if it was anywhere near her actual birthday, or if it was simply a random date, conjured up by a young girl who had been abandoned by her parents.

           The only other prong of her birthday knowledge was that which dictated gift-giving. Gift-giving was a major part of any ceremony, big or small. She had never really given a gift, per se, but she’d witnessed that much before. The only problem she now faced was what kind of gift she was going to give to Ben.

           Ben. Her Ben. Handsome, tall, broody Ben. He had been through so much in such a short amount of time. It made Rey’s heart ache just thinking about it. She knew how much it still haunted him. He needed a good distraction. A light went off inside Rey’s head and as it did so, her stomach flipped over anxiously.

           She was pretty sure she loved him. The way he can make her feel, with just a look or a touch, as though she is completely invincible, still has a capacity to shock her. Every time she caught those deep, dark eyes of his looking at her, her heart raced and her blood ran about two degrees warmer than normal. The heat would burn in her cheeks as though they had been ravaged by the Jakku sun. She felt like she  _belonged_ with him; a feeling she had chased all her life. And although she couldn’t quite understand just why she felt so drawn to him, she knew enough to accept it for what it was. She cared for him more than any words she could possibly speak would explain.

           And therein lied the solution to her gift conundrum. She couldn’t say it in words, but she could say it with touch. The way only two people who love one another can.

           And she was  _very_  sure she loved him.

           Ben was out in the yard, training and meditating. He didn’t like to be interrupted during that time. So Rey went to his room and snuck inside to wait for his return. His window was open, and a cool breeze passed through, raising goosebumps on her exposed skin. She stood in the centre of the room and did some of her own meditation, to prepare herself for what she was about to do.

           Would he turn her down? Rey didn’t think so. They had kissed before, and Rey had found she enjoyed that part of it very much. And, in a moment of weakness, she had confessed to Ben that she would share her body with him, if he was ever so inclined. She had cringed over this moment after it happened more times than she could count, but looking back on that day, she could see him smiling coyly and blushing in response to her bold sentiment.

           “You don’t want that with me,” he had said. “I’ve never done that before.”

           “Neither have I,” she had argued. “I just wanted to let you know that you could. If you wanted to.”

           She had thought he was going to say something after that, but he never did.

           Soon, the doorknob turned and Kylo walked into his room, quickly stopping in the doorway as he spotted the intruder. She kept her back to him. The breeze from the window blew her clothes around her body, hugging the material to her silhouette.

           “Rey?”

           She looked at him over her shoulder, angling her body just a little to see him better. She smiled shyly.

           “Hello.”

           “What are you doing in here?” He closed the door, lest anyone else see.

           “Waiting for you,” she responded bluntly.

           “Oh. What for?”

           “It’s your birthday and you never told me.”

           A beat of silence. He was trying to figure out if she was mad at him or not. She could practically hear the gears in his brain squealing as he tried to scrape up an excuse, but it was to no avail. He sighed in resignation.

           “Yes, and I’m sorry, but it’s not a big deal,” he explained slowly. “I didn’t want to make a big thing out of it. Is that what my mother is doing? Is she making a big thing about it? She is, isn’t she?”

           “Yes, she is.”

           “…Fuck.”

           “I forgive you, this time. I still had enough time to get you a present, so you’re lucky.” Her voice cracked.

           “A present?” Ben’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How did you—? What is it?”

           She turned to face him, meeting his eyes squarely, without flinching. She held her shoulders back so she appeared taller and stronger. For all her efforts, from an outside gaze it worked. But inside, she was melting down. Her heart was pounding hard against her ribcage, and it felt like her ears were either going to pop off from the pressure of her pulse, or burn up with heat.

           “Me,” she answered meekly. “I’m your present. I hope that’s okay.”

           He was puzzled. It was obvious even though he tried (and failed) to keep it from showing on his face. The tiny voice in the back of Rey’s head piped up,  _uh-oh, he wants to return your gift._

           “Like, you mean…you’re going to hang out with me all day and keep me sane while my mother tries to throw me a party I never asked for?” He offered her a confused smile.

           “No, not exactly.”    

           Slowly, she loosened the tie around the waist of her shirt. It began to fall away from her shoulders and slip down her arms and hips. He watched, mesmerized, as the thin material cascaded down her warm, sun-soaked skin, exposing a galaxy of freckles across the tops of her breasts. The dark dip of cleavage, suddenly exposed to him behind the crumbling folds of her shirt, made his mouth go instantly dry.

           “ _I’m_  your gift,” she repeated, smiling invitingly at him. “Should I keep going, or do you want to unwrap me yourself?”

           Ben swallowed and instantly stepped up to her, but didn’t touch her right away. Instead, his eyes swept over her, appreciating every scar, every freckle, every curve and every line. She felt herself turning pink under his gaze and she wanted nothing more than to melt into his touch until they became one person; one entity, made of two entangled souls. She longed for his touch, for his love. The longer she looked into his eyes, the more she could see that love, just there – wet in the corners. Pride. Joy. Nervousness. Lust. It was all there, spelled out on his face like her favourite book; the one she knew every word to. How desperately she wanted to reach out and touch the page, to turn it to the next chapter…

           Delicately, with one finger, he pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. His fingers fell to the curve of her shoulder, down the length of her arm to the crook of her elbow, and over to the edge of the fabric; that teasing, troublesome fabric that he would rip right off of her body if he didn’t know it was the only outfit of its kind that she owned.

           “I’ve never cared for birthdays,” he said, his voice a thick grumble – the sound of a great holy beast rousing itself from eons of slumber. “But then again I’ve never received a gift like this before.”

           She smiled dreamily, leaning in to the sensation of his cool fingers on her heated skin, removing her clothes layer by layer until they lay pooled around her ankles.

           “What kind of gift is that?” she whispered.

           “The kind that I desperately wanted,” he answered. “The kind I’ve dreamt of having. I’ve never wanted another gift quite as badly before…”

           “Mmm…”

           Rey reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him. His lips quivered softly against her own, but his arms were strong and firm around her naked body. They kept her warm against the breeze. When he deepened the kiss she didn’t shrink away, either. She leaned into it, holding him tighter, melting away into the promise of his love.

           “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered urgently as he laid her down atop his bed. His eyes took her in with a curiosity and light she had never seen on him before. He was trembling.

           “You won’t,” she promised. “I know you won’t.”

           He left fevered kisses over her skin. She was so enveloped in the sensation of it that she didn’t even break away to help undress him. He took care of that himself. Now fully exposed to her, she let her eyes fall for the first time to his manhood. She admired it, and the short, dark shock of hair that grew around it; it was as impressive as the man it was attached to and she found herself suddenly short of breath. For reasons she couldn’t quite comprehend, she wanted to run her fingers through the night-black hair there. She wanted to feel the steady pulse of him, alive in her palm, growing and taking shape at her prompting and nothing else.

As he lavished her body with kisses, his strong hands, and the swirl of his tongue, she felt like she was falling backwards into the most refreshing pool of water. Her mind seemed to detach from her body and float somewhere up above them both, like a bystander watching it happen. Now her primal, physical instincts were in control, and they knew what to do.

           She grabbed Ben about the shoulders and flipped him onto his back. He made a surprised ‘oomf!’ noise at this, and he looked up at her with wide, intrigued eyes. She settled herself confidently atop his hips, straddling him tightly with her knees and thighs. She could feel him just there, between her legs, eagerly awaiting her touch.

           She smirked down at him in triumph.

“Happy birthday, Ben Solo. Don’t say I never got you anything.”

 


	17. Forceplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is slightly NSFW.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/174967420207/id-like-to-make-a-suggestion-if-rey-and-kylo-use)

**Prompt: "I'd like to make a suggestion if Rey and Kylo use their forcebond for inappropriate reasons, we call it Forceplay" - user[limpdicksamurai](http://limpdicksamurai.tumblr.com/)**

The water was warm and scented with essential oils so that it smelled like sweet forest rain. That, mixed with the continuous white noise of bubbles popping atop the water’s surface, and the sounds of happy birdsong outside the cracked window above the tub almost made Rey fall asleep in the water. Almost, but something was keeping her awake.

               She hadn’t been in the bath for very long. Just long enough to feel the hot water warm her blood, soften her skin, and soak away the swipes of dust and dirt that typically found their way onto her flesh. There was something about baths that made her feel…confident. Naked, immersed in water, with the promise of renewed relaxation and cleanliness, it did things to a person. To Rey, at least.

               She had never been particularly impressed by her naked body. She felt her limbs were too long, her hips too narrow and sharp. That used to be all she had a problem with. That, and the boniness of her knees and shoulders. But then she had gotten older, and certain parts of her body had… _bloomed_ , so to speak.

               She’d never really cared for her breasts. They were small and freckled, just barely filling the palms of her hands. With a couple careful folds of her wrappings, she was once able to mask them quite well. In fact, up until she was sixteen, she could still easily pass for a boy, which aided her in making trades at Niima Outpost (a shocking amount of people on Jakku were unwilling or outright offended at the prospect of trading goods with a ratty-looking, grimy orphan girl).

               She cupped her breast now, testing its weight under the water. Her nipple stiffened responsively as her fingers glided over it. A strange, foreign shiver crawled down her spine and settled somewhere deep in her belly, between her hips, where it grew warmer and heavier, transforming into a far more prominent sensation.

                _Hmmm._  She couldn’t exactly put it into words, the things she desired at that particular moment. She’d felt these familiar pangs before many times, but she didn’t fully understand them. What exactly did it mean – that aching, squirmy feeling deep in her gut, like an itch begging to be scratched? She had an idea, but it made her face feel like it was on fire just thinking about it.

               That same burning warmth was crawling up her chest just then, not at all prompted by the temperature of her bathwater. Her free hand traversed the planes of her stomach, slowly circling, swirling the current of water across her skin so she could feel the warm waves dancing along her ribcage. Her breath caught in a gasp as her fingers found a different sort of wetness.

               A thousand blurred images passed through her mind’s eye, none of which were discernable to her, at first. But then they slowly got clearer and clearer, and she tried to piece it together. A dark room, lit only by the light that pooled in from the hallway. A discarded, rumpled outfit on a sleek black floor. Somewhere out of the darkness there came a sigh, and then there was a faint  _whoosh_ ing sound, followed by a gasp—

                _Kylo_. His face floated before her, scarred but beautiful. That brow, which normally was so strained and angry, looked somehow more resolved and calm. His jaw inclined just a little, and she noticed his deep, dark eyes were staring straight at her, penetrating her mind and soul…

               “We really do need to stop meeting like this.”

               Rey yelped in alarm, jumping and causing some water to spill over the edges of the tub onto the floor. Kylo stood languidly by the sink, arms folded over his bare chest, looking at the drips and puddles with some scrutiny.

               “Wh-what are you doing here?!” Rey demanded. That heat scorching her cheeks now, and she was willing to bet all the portions she’d ever received that she was bright red in colour. What if he had seen?!

               Kylo shrugged, unperturbed by her obvious state of undress. His eyes simply found other things to look at. But if Rey wasn’t mistaken, a little bit of pink was growing in the apples of his cheeks, too.

               “I don’t know.”

               “How can you not know?”

               “I just am.”

               “Well…I don’t want you here!”

               “I’m sure you don’t. Your bubbles are almost all gone.”

               His lips twitched up in a wicked smile that disappeared as quickly as it came.

               Rey gaped in horror as she looked down and saw that he was telling the truth. Only one little patch of bubbles were left floating on the water, and she scooped them hurriedly over to her chest. If she wasn’t red in colour before, she was now.

               “Get out!”

               “Where am I going to go?”

               Rey sputtered in response, mostly because she didn’t have an answer. He wasn’t  _really_  there, after all. Well, he was to her, but not in the sense that he could just open the fresher door and go into another room. If he was there, it was for a reason. She just couldn’t puzzle out what.

               The most unfortunate part about the stretch of silence that grew between them in that moment was Rey’s realization that all the things she had been feeling when Kylo arrived still lingered within her. She still felt that familiar fire, burning happily inside. She wished it would just stop, but it seemed like Kylo’s appearance had only made it more prominent. She had been thinking about him just before he showed up.  _Why? Why did I do that?_ It made Rey squirm uncomfortably in the water.

               She glared at him suspiciously. Had he sensed her emotions? Would he even recognize them if he had? Her eyes roamed over his shirtless upper body, following the swell of his arm muscles as he still held them crossed over his chest. She had obviously caught him in some form of undress, too.  _Ah, the discarded clothes on the floor…_  she remembered. The images she had seen were from his point of view, on the other end of their strange connection.

               Her gaze slipped, and that’s when she noticed it: the bulge, just a little ways below his navel, which had never been there before to her knowledge. It took her a painfully long moment, in which Kylo even bothered to angle himself away from her, before she understood. Her eyes widened in shocked realization.

               “Is that—are you—?” Her voice didn’t sound like it belonged to her.

               Kylo’s lips pressed into a tight line for a moment and he shifted uncomfortably.

               “Yes. I believe I have you to thank for that, do I?” He gave her a pointed look. So he did know what she had been doing.

               “Oh, no…” Rey whispered, bringing her knees up to her chest. They crested the water with a gentle sound.

               “You should go,” she warned him. “I’m…not decent, and this isn’t very polite of you.”

               He raised an eyebrow, amused. “Why? Isn’t that why I’m here? Why you called me here? No need to be bashful now; an eye for an eye, no?”

               “This is  _not_  the same as when you were shirtless—”

               “You were thinking of me, though.”

               The words made her argument die on her tongue. Her retort was sufficiently choked off, and she had nowhere else to run to. He had her cornered, and she could see in his eyes that he knew it, too. He was looking at her like he had that night, when she had found him changing in his quarters. Like he was just daring her to do something without actually speaking the words. Challenging her. It thrilled her, somehow.

               “Maybe,” she replied quietly. “Just for a second.”

               “Only a second? Are you sure?” He stepped a little closer, hunger in his eyes.

               “Yes.” she shot back. Her confidence was returning after having been so terribly shaken. She watched him steadily now, barely even blinking. It was her turn to challenge him.

               “You’re lying.”

               Rey smiled like a knife. If he wanted to play games, she could play too, and she could win.

               Slowly, so that he may appreciate every part of her, right down to her narrow hips and bony knees, she rose from the tub. Water ran down her body in small, dwindling rivulets, and dripped from the ends of her hair like a waterfall. Steam rose off of her skin as her flesh met the cool outdoor air that leaked in through the open window. She looked like a river goddess, sent to lure men to their death. And for a brief moment, Kylo was caught in her spell.

               “You’re right; an eye for an eye,” she said calmly. “So go ahead. Let’s make it even.”

               It was a clear dare, and he ravenously took the bait. His breath was suddenly ragged and his pupils dilated; his lips parted as though he wanted to speak but no words could make it past his parched throat. His arms fell away from his chest and hung at his sides, all but useless in his current situation. Rey admired the strain in his pants with a devilish grin.

               “I was thinking about you,” she admitted quietly, like it was a secret she could only share with him. And it was. “Just your face, and just for a moment. I don’t know why my mind immediately went to you, but it did. All I know is I look at the depth and passion in your eyes, and the shadows at the corners of your mouth, and I see beauty. I see eyes that I want on me always, and a mouth I’d like to feel against mine. Do you know this feeling?”

               He nodded.  _Yes._

               “I should keep pushing you away. This shouldn’t feel as right as it does. It’s not supposed to be this way, and if you feel it too, then you know that yourself. And yet, as you said, we continuously find one another in these scenarios…”

               “It’s not wrong to want someone,” Kylo said it so quietly Rey almost didn’t hear him. “It’s not wrong, when you’ve barely known a loving touch…”

               “Would you touch me like that? Like you love me?”

               “No.”

               “Why not?”

               He was close. So close that the fronts of his thighs nearly touched the rim of the tub. The air between them felt thicker; saturated with unrestrained lust and a burning desire neither of them really understood at the time.

               “I’d touch you like I  _want_ to love you. Like I want you so desperately it hurts. I’d want to touch you with passion more than love, like this…”

               His fingers were cool on the wet skin of her arm. His touch was gentle, but with a desperate yearning guiding it that made it feel more rousing somehow; more intense and direct, in a way Rey had never experienced before. She grabbed his forearm with her hand, her fingernails digging into his flesh with a firm bite. He released contact with her immediately, but that wasn’t what she had wanted.

               That aching, burning feeling was back, twice as strong as before, and as she looked at Kylo she saw someone who could help alleviate it. As though her body was acting for her, she used her grip on his arm to pull him in, just close enough that she might kiss him. She lost herself in the warmth of his soft mouth. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair, gripping at the roots, holding him flush to her.

               She had always thought her breasts felt small in her hands, but in Kylo’s, it was another story altogether. And yet, judging by the attentive motions of his thumbs and palms, he didn’t seem to think they were too small.

               Water sloshed around her legs as Rey arched her back and spread her feet. She gasped in delight as his sturdy arms wrapped themselves around her, slipping some against her wet, soapy body. She thought her heart was going to stall inside her chest; it was beating so hard and fast that it sounded reminiscent of furtive knocking on the door of an empty, echoing house, the way it rang in her ears. This was not a pulse of fear, however. She had never known excitement like this before. This was what she had longed for. This was the answer to  _everything_.

               To a trained eye, their touching may have looked awkward, but they knew better. Every single touch felt like it was being guided by something much bigger than their own cognitive minds.

               Kylo’s voice was a fierce rumble in Rey’s ear:

               “Why do you make me feel this way?”

               She might have answered had she known, but she didn’t have a clue. All she knew was that she could ask him the same question, and likely receive the same response.

               His hand, now flecked with water from clenching her hair, descended down, across her sharp hipbones and over, prodding against the desire that pooled just beneath the surface. Rey made an involuntary noise that sounded to Kylo like some kind of angel song.

               His fingers followed the same pattern she had created just moments ago with her own exploratory hand. They circled around, once, then twice, before they sunk inside, deeper and deeper until Rey could no longer keep from crying out in pleasure. She felt a strong pull, a release of something great, and she moaned his name,  _“Ben…!”_

               And suddenly the lips that had been on her throat became ghosts, and she faltered without the support of his arms. She had to bend over and grip the edge of the tub for support. Her legs felt like jelly beneath her and, with shaking knees, she settled herself into the water once more. Its temperature matched with her body fairly evenly; but perhaps by now her skin was just a touch hotter.

               She thought abstractly of Kylo, and that bulge she had spotted earlier, and just how he was going to go about fixing it, all by himself…

               Kylo, on the other hand, stared at the droplets of water in his hands, glazed eyes open wide in complete and utter fascination.


	18. i could swear i love you

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175863788932/i-could-swear-i-love-you)

**Prompt: "Can you write about what would happen if Kylo whispered I love you at the end of every Force Skype TM session and Rey never heard until one particularly heated one?" - user[anationrising](http://anationrising.tumblr.com/)**

 The last thing Kylo sees is the girl. She stops, and looks over her shoulder at him; that charming brow creased in anger. He truly thought she was right there, in the room with him somehow. But now she was gone, as if she had never been there in the first place, which left a cold, hollow chill in Kylo’s gut.

           He can still taste her rage on his tongue. How he had missed it; that familiar spice, oddly sweet and innocent, yet scorching enough to make him perspire. Anger directed at him for appearing to her, and also at herself, for hesitating even for a second. He had watched her self-correct; had seen each individual emotion pass over her freckled face: shock, confusion, mystification, and then panic as it dawned on her, stumbling fury, and embarrassment. Her ire, although very clearly directed at him, burned in his own cheeks and made him short of breath. His heart is still beating double-time against his ribs, but why? He never got so anxious before a foe! But, of course, she wasn’t a foe at all…

            _She’s just a stupid scavenger,_  he tells himself bitterly, when he finally unthaws enough to move after their surprise encounter.  _Her mind has been poisoned by the rebel scum she spends her time with. If she would just open her eyes, she would see what I see. She belongs at my side, and I at hers. She needs a teacher. She needs_ me _._

           The desperation, even in the voice of his own mind, severely embarrasses him. His lies are so transparent, so hollow. Even he can’t bring himself to believe them as truth. If anything,  _he_  needs  _her_. He can feel this in the marrow of his bones. Ever since he first laid eyes on her, and at this point he can no longer recall if that first time had been in the forest on Takodana or in a dream, he had felt a strange attachment to her. And every time since then that she had left him, he had felt an empty ache deep inside himself. He had felt this type of thing before, only a little differently, when he would lose sight of his mother as a child.

           The last thing he saw was the girl, looking over her shoulder at him. The last thing he had thought before she vanished was that he wished she was really there. And, fleetingly, in some far recess of his mind, he swore he loved her.

           When he sees her again, it is much sooner than he expected. There’s rain. It is cool and refreshing on his skin and tastes salty.  _Where is it coming from?_

            _Ah. Her._

Just like that she’s there, rain-soaked and windswept, and she’s glaring daggers at him again. But at least she was looking at him – meeting his eyes, not daring to shy away from confrontation. He liked that about her. She is strong; much stronger than even she realizes. But he knows it.

           She calls him a murderous snake. Initially, it wounds him; her words seem to pierce through his flesh and embed themselves deep inside. But he is no stranger to insults, no stranger to deflection. She is just as curious as he is; he can see it in her eyes and feel it wrap around him like a blanket made of wonder. He experiences her tenderness, but also her wrath.

           And suddenly he finds himself drawing closer to her, lowering the tone of his voice into a seductive purr, inspecting her closely with his eyes. He’s just so happy that she’s actually there; Maker forbid he show it. He taunts her a little, and enjoys the looks of incredulity she gives him. It’s like a game between the two of them. Whoever gets the last word, the last jab and dare, wins. He’s so enthralled by her and he yearns for their conversation to be lengthier, but it isn’t meant to be. With one final, scalding look, they part ways again. And, just as he did the last time, and all the times before that, he felt that now familiar sting of abandonment and loneliness. He wonders if she feels it too. He wonders if she loves him like he loves her.

            _I love you._  He tests the words on his tongue.

           The last time Kylo felt so seriously, uncomfortably vulnerable, he was lying half-mangled in the snow, staring up at Rey, who had his grandfather’s lightsaber gripped in her fists with her teeth bared menacingly down at him. And now, he found himself in a much similar position, minus the half-mangled part. This time, he was half-naked.

           He had worked hard for his body. It had its fair share of scars, bruises, and cuts, but it was his, and it was strong. It was something Kylo and  _only_  Kylo could control. So for the last three and a half hours, he’d been training. Releasing pent-up frustration and rage. Breaking things.

           But despite all of that, he still did not feel proud or confident when he turned around to face her. He felt small and, for just a moment, afraid. Afraid of what she’d say. Afraid of what she’d do. But it passed like a ghost as he watched that rosy pink colour flood her cheekbones. Even in the dim light of his quarters he recognized her blush. It was too beautiful not to remember. Her eyes were downcast; she had hurriedly looked away upon realizing his indecency. He desperately wants her to look at him again, because the feeling of her eyes on his body makes his head spin in delirious, euphoric circles. But oh, that’s right, he’d almost forgotten. She’d said something about his father.

           When she finally does raise that proud chin of hers, there are tears in her eyes, and something inside him curls in on itself, like a dying plant.  _Why is she crying?_ He asks himself.  _Am I truly that monstrous to her?_

           Once again he can’t resist stepping closer to her, until she has to crane her neck to meet his gaze. Never before had he found himself wishing so hard that she didn’t hate him. As their conversation goes on and the words tumble uselessly out of Kylo’s mouth, he wants nothing more than to wipe the tears from her cheeks and bid her not to cry. But he can’t. Instead, he stands like a statue a few inches away, forgetting to breathe because he’s so focused on her and how close she is to him. In this moment he realizes that maybe there was a way to lessen her hatred. If she knew the truth, she could understand him better. He tells her what happened between him and his uncle and sends her away with that knowledge, that burden of skewed truth, in the hopes that she would understand.

           Because he truly doesn’t know what he’ll do if the girl he is hopelessly in love with continues to despise him.

           An outstretched hand. To some it may seem a small gesture, commonly given out of courtesy and nothing else. But not to Kylo, and not to Rey. Not on that night.

           With tears in both their eyes, their fingertips touched gently. Each emitted a quiet gasp of surprise. Kylo watched the firelight catch the tear streaking down Rey’s left cheek and turn it gold. It makes his heart jump in his chest. His fingers grip hers, never wanting to let go, not even for a second’s respite.

           If there was any doubt in his mind about it before, it no longer existed.

           “I love you,” he whispers, his voice just barely audible over the crackle of the fire between them. The words more or less fall from his mouth. He had grown used to saying them to the thought of her. This simply felt natural now. He couldn’t hold it in any longer if he tried. In that moment, it was all he could feel, all he could think about, and all he knew. He had nothing else to say that mattered even a fraction as much.

           Her eyes go wide. She blinks, astonished, and nearly pulls out of his grip. As stunned as she is by his confession, even she doesn’t wish to break their mystifying bond.  

           “What?” Her chapped lips form the words but no sound comes out.

           Kylo swallows a lump and his mouth moves nervously, preparing to say the words again, more clearly and honestly than ever before.

           “I love you, Rey.”

           It feels good, to say it out loud to her. He’s a bit rusty on his use of the word ‘love’. It feels somewhat foreign on his tongue, but good all the same. He wants to say it again and again and again, relishing the flavour every time, experiencing its tantalizing warmth. He wants to scream it until his throat is raw. But he withholds, because he’s waiting for her to speak.

           She doesn’t, for a very long time. But neither does she release her hold on him, and that is likely the only thing keeping his glass heart from shattering into hundreds of sharp pieces. Her lips part and for a moment it looks like she’s about to say something, but then they close again and her chest heaves with some great, labouring breath that makes her shoulders tremble. Finally, she manages to get her words out.

           “Is that what this is?” she whispers. “Love?”

           “It has to be,” Kylo replies. “I’ve never felt anything else like it. Have you?”

           Rey shakes her head, eyebrows cinching together in puzzlement. Soon enough she relaxes, and the blanket she had wrapped around her wet body falls off her shoulders. Suddenly the heat of the small fire feels too overpowering on Kylo’s body. He watches her closely, trying and failing to guess what her next move is.

           Their fingers interlace delicately. Her hand is so small in his. Small, but not without its signs of maturity and adventure; callouses, scrapes, and scars, all of which had their own stories he wanted to hear about. She leans forward just slightly and her hair, still wet from her descent into the cave, slips off her shoulders. He follows her movements like a mime, eyes falling to her supple mouth…

           There is a sharp yell. Kylo’s head swivels to the right in time to see his uncle, hand outstretched towards them, the whites of his eyes showing in panic. The rock walls of the hut fly and crumble away with a loud crashing sound and he notices that he can no longer feel her hand in his. Desperately trying to hold on to her he extends his hand a little further but he can’t find her. When he looks back at her, her alarmed eyes are already trained on him, tinged with fear.

           The last thing he sees is her.


	19. Ride Of Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a sweet little drabble.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/171735132462/ride-of-your-life)

**Prompt: "Reylo in the Millennium Falcon." - user[rosalysaoirse](http://rosalysaoirse.tumblr.com/)**

 “Let’s get off this frozen hellscape!” Rey said excitedly, leaping into the cockpit of the Falcon. She didn’t pause before she began flicking switches, making the ship hum louder and louder at her touch. She only paused when she looked to her left and noticed the seat was still empty.

           She looked over her shoulder at Kylo. He was standing in the doorway, staring around at the walls, the dash, the old, ripped seats. He breathed in the familiar scent of dust, sweat, and leather; the scent of his father. The ghost of Han Solo greeted him like a chilled breeze, stealing the breath from his lungs as it passed. A thousand memories flickered in his mind’s eye; images of a young, bright-eyed boy with dark, tousled hair, jumping from his father’s lap to Chewbacca’s, eager for any chance to co-pilot. His eyes dropped to the small green switch, off to the side. That had been his favourite one to click. It was the switch for the lights in the cockpit. As a child he would flick it repeatedly, pretending they were sailing through an asteroid belt, screaming nonsensical orders at the top of his lungs like only a child can. He shivered at the memory.

           “Ben…?” Rey asked tentatively. Her concern creased her brow.

           Kylo blinked rapidly, stunned back into the present moment by the sound of her voice softly speaking his birth name. He gazed at her blankly.

           “Are you alright?”

           He cleared his throat. Her eyes resting upon him gave him enough courage to step over the threshold and enter the cockpit with her. His hand quickly grasped for the headrest of the empty pilot’s seat, desperate for something to steady himself.

           “I’m fine,” he responded quietly, staring out the wide, orbital window. “Just working through some nostalgia is all.”

           “Let it in,” Rey urged, placing her hand atop his on the headrest.

           She met his gaze steadily. They had only touched a handful of times, all relatively brief encounters. But this time, Rey squeezed his fingers, offering comfort, confidence, and warmth to a man who had gone so long without any of those things. His own hand barely trembled. He used the pad of his thumb to brush along her knuckles, in a way of offering those things, that comfort and warmth and confidence, back to her in his own way.

           She smiled at him, beaming like the fucking Sun itself, stripping the cold, dark folds away from his soul. He couldn’t help the small, dreamy smile that pulled slowly on his lips in response.

           “Do you think you remember how to fly this thing?” she teased, arching her brows.

           “Do I think I  _remember_ …? Buckle in, sweetheart. I’m about to give you the ride of your life.”


	20. Shut Up I Love You

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/171491617897/reylo-au-where-kylo-rey-are-senators-on-the)

**Prompt: "Reylo au where Kylo & Rey are senators on the opposite political spectrum and secretly married a year or so ago, but Rey has to flirt with another senator at a party to find out if he's spying/doing shady shit and Kylo is glaring the entire time." - Anonymous**

 “Kylo Ren, are you jealous?”

               The tall, dark man glared at the small, fiery brunette. His wife. His reason for existence. His greatest treasure. The only woman he had ever loved or laid with. Also, the only person who knew exactly how to push his buttons and got great pleasure out of doing so.

               “I am not,” Kylo retorted bitterly. “I just think it’s a stupid plan.”

               Rey wore a sharp grin. She knew him  _far_  too well.

               “It’s the only plan we have right now. You want Malachi removed from the Senate just as much as the rest of us. Just…focus on how much you hate him.”

               “That’s just it. I do hate him. And now I have to watch my wife make eyes at him?”

               “ _Pretend_  to make eyes,” Rey interjected.

               “Makes no difference to me,” Kylo grumbled. “If he so much as touches you I’m going to rip his arm out of its socket and beat him about the head with it.”

               Rey appraised him flatly for a second. “You have such a beautiful mind, have I ever told you that?”

               “Shut up. I love you,” Kylo pulled her into a firm kiss. The kind that he knew she wouldn’t forget about anytime soon. “Let’s just get this over with.”

               Making sure no one was coming, the pair exited the small alcove they had been hiding in and went their separate ways, to rejoin their respective political parties, who just so happened to be in direct opposition to one another. Love works in mysterious ways and that sentiment was nothing if not alarmingly true in the case of Kylo Ren of the Empire and Rey of the Republic. Despite all indications that they should loathe one another (and, to be fair, they had each tried to villainize the other at the start, but their bickering had quickly turned to flirting, which then turned to something else entirely) the two had fallen quickly and carelessly in love. For over a year they had kept their relationship a secret from the rest of the Galactic Senate, living seemingly separate, private lives, far away from one another. They had become so confident in their little scheme that they had secretly married one another just under a year ago. Still, no one suspected a thing. But now, a problem had introduced itself into their little game.

               It had seemed so minor at first, but had quickly ballooned into dangerous territory. A Senator in Rey’s party by the name of Malachi was suspected of the crime of embezzlement and fraud, and the Republic needed to coerce a confession out of him somehow. It was common knowledge that Malachi had long held a soft spot for the charming, young Rey, and so she had been enlisted as the tantalizing piece of bait he would hopefully fall for. Little did everyone else know, Rey was not single, and her husband seriously disapproved of this plan. But the couple had no choice but to see it through, lest they bring unwanted suspicion upon themselves. But it seemed now that Kylo’s jealousy posed the very same risk. Rey could only hope that he would keep himself in check at the party.

               Things actually seemed to be going okay for the first hour or two of the formal function. Rey and Kylo did what they normally had to do in such situations, which was to stay on the opposite end of the room from one another at all times. Rey was sitting near the bar, talking to Malachi, and Ben was all the way across the room, immersed in a heated debate with four other Senators. All seemed to be going well. But then, during a particularly flirtatious conversation, Malachi had rested a hand on Rey’s knee. Instantly, a cool chill of dread passed through her. Her eyes darted out to the crowd imperceptibly, just in time to see Kylo crossing the floor with death in his eyes. She shifted her legs so he would remove his hand.

               Thankfully, Kylo stopped just a few metres away, under the pretense of ordering another drink. He was now close enough that he could see and hear what was going on between his wife and the dirty conman, Malachi. Rey had to take a long drink from her glass to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

               “But if you have an appreciation for the water, I can take you on my ship sometime. I have a…special friend who allows me access to his private island planet in return for some favours. You just say the word and we’ll go.” Malachi offered.

               Rey nearly threw up in her mouth.  _What a slimy scumbag,_ she thought to herself. Not to mention the fact that he stunk of expensive perfume which, for how much money it likely cost, smelled god-awful. But she put a sultry smile on her face and pressed on nonetheless, for she was so close to a confession she could almost taste it.

               “My, you certainly do have friends in high places, don’t you?” she asked playfully. “How do you come upon these people? I’d like to get in touch with a few myself.”

               “Oh, well, sweetheart, you just tell me what it is you want and I will get it for you,” He pushed a lock of her shiny brown hair out of her face. “I can give you whatever you want, and no one will be the wiser. I have offshore bank accounts that would blow you away.”

               “Is that so…” Rey smirked victoriously.

               “Tell you what. You give me a kiss, and I’ll take you away from here. That’s all it’ll cost you.”

               She could see Kylo glaring at the back of Malachi’s head; the look was sharp enough that even she felt a spike of fear pierce her as she caught it.

               Malachi winked at her and picked up his glass, which was still quite full. As he lifted it to his lips it suddenly exploded, cutting him with tiny shards of broken glass and then drenching him in burning alcohol. He squealed and yelped like a wounded animal, clawing at his eyes. Rey sat back in shock for only a moment before she saw the dark-haired culprit, sipping from his own glass, the picture of innocence. She tried to hide her smile.  _Tried_ , but failed.

               Later that night, when they were finally alone together in their own bed, Rey took to giggling at the memory of Malachi, stumbling around, temporarily blinded, being handcuffed by the authorities and carted off to jail.

               “What’s so funny?” Kylo asked.

               “That was a neat little Force trick you pulled back there,” she complimented. “Very mature.”

               “I have no clue what you’re talking about,” Kylo argued flippantly. “Malachi is a terrible klutz, everyone knows that. It’s not my fault.”

               “Oh, c’mon. I was watching you the whole time. You had me worried for a second there. I thought you were going to blow the whole operation out of the water.”

               “I wanted to, and I would have, if it wouldn’t have blown back on you. Malachi will get his,” Kylo mumbled, “but he will never get you.”

               Rey agreed fervently, kissing her husband for good measure.

               “I still can’t believe the  _‘son of darkness’_  himself got so jealous over little old me…” she prodded, resting her head on his chest.

               “Shut up,” Kylo chuckled, “I love you.”


	21. Simulation Training

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/170312389387/simulation-training)

**Prompt: Kylo's simulation training gets interrupted by a scavenger.[Based off of this video.](https://millennial-falcon-spacer.tumblr.com/post/170066131644/ambris-ser-fredrick-highlandvalley) Submitted by user [millennial-falcon-spacer](http://millennial-falcon-spacer.tumblr.com/).**

 Kylo stood alone in the training range, making sure to catch every metallic brick that came gliding towards him with his saber. Shards of the bricks lay scattered at his feet, ruined by his expert decimation. The pattern in which the bricks floated towards him was always randomized, but it never took him long to figure it out. As the speed of the bricks increased, so too did he. The zap of his saber slicing into metal was music to his ears. He had to keep his agility up and this was the best way to do it, save for actually doing battle. Regardless, he hadn’t missed one brick, until his focus was broken by a startling female voice, speaking up from behind him.

           “That looks fun,” it said idly.

           Kylo jumped, having been so attuned to the task at hand. The second one of the bricks crossed the sensor line, the module turned off. Breathing hard with exertion, he cursed under his breath and turned around to see Rey standing nearby, leaning casually against the wall, watching him with a keen smirk on her face. He frowned at her.

           “It  _was_ ,” he remarked coolly, “until you came in.”

           “Oh, don’t be bitter,” Rey chided, pushing off from the wall with her shoulder and striding over to him. Her eyes roved over the training module with curiosity. “But since you’re done, could I give it a try?”

           Ren scoffed, running a hand through his damp hair. “It’s harder than it looks,” he remarked.

           Rey raised an eyebrow. “And? What’s your point? I bet I can still beat you.”

           “Yeah, you probably can,” Ren sighed, fondly remembering how she had bested him in battle.

           “Gimme your saber,” Rey requested, holding her hands out for it. When Ren didn’t release it into her custody right away she sighed laboriously.  _“Please.”_

           “You want  _my_  lightsaber?” Kylo barked a laugh. He would never deny her, though. He couldn’t. So he released the large, heavy hilt into her grasp. “This could be interesting.”

           She smiled triumphantly and, gripping his saber with both hands, she turned to face the module. She watched as Kylo programmed it for her, smugly setting it to Beginner Mode. He positioned his thumb over the red button and fixed her with a steady gaze.

           “Are you ready?” he asked.

           She ignited his saber and planted her feet firmly on the ground, staring at the module screen intensely. She gave one nod in response. The module hummed as it powered up again, and it didn’t take long for the metal bricks to begin coursing towards her as though on a conveyor belt. She started out quite well, all things considered, but she couldn’t help thinking about how  _slow_  it was moving. When it finally began to speed up she delighted at the prospects of an actual challenge. Unfortunately, the ever-increasing speed threw her for a loop. Kylo’s lightsaber quickly began to feel even heavier and more difficult to control. Her brow creased and she grit her teeth as she struggled to maintain her focus, but that one damned brick still managed to sneak past and put an end to her first attempt.

           “Oh, tough luck,” Kylo remarked with barely-concealed humour. “Cute try, though. You were impressing me, for about half-a-second there.”

           “Shut it,” Rey snapped, steeling herself. “Press the button again.”

           “If you insist.”

           She tried again, and then again, and then one more time after that. With each attempt, she began to lose her stability when the speed increased past the third gear. After the last try, she was thoroughly frustrated with the module and herself.

           “Mind if I help you out?” Kylo offered. He’d been standing silent nearby for quite a while, simply watching as Rey got lost in the module. He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that it had been somewhat entertaining watching her get angrier and angrier with each failed attempt.

           “Sure. Do you want to find me a lightsaber that isn’t a hefty piece of—”

           “Hey, now,” Kylo warned, stepping closer. “It’s not the lightsaber that’s the problem.”

           “What are you saying?” Rey demanded, glaring up at him.

           “I’m saying you’re the problem,” he said bluntly. “It’s your stance, and I notice you’re having trouble figuring out the pattern, too.”

           “Thanks for the tips,” Rey grumbled impatiently.

           “No, listen—”

Kylo continued. He stepped behind her and delicately placed his hands on her waist. She jumped a little at his touch but didn’t pull away from it. Using one knee pressed into her inner thigh, he coaxed her legs into a more open, slightly-bent position. He aligned her hips for her, and repositioned her elbows. The way he did it, using barely any pressure at all, was almost mesmerizing. He seemed to have every inch of her body figured out, as though he knew her as well as he knew the ins-and-outs of his own personal ship.

“Next, you need to relax,” He spoke in low volumes by her ear, his hands now resting on her hips. She made no attempt to shake him off. “Take a breath. Stay calm.”

She hated those prompts. She had to hear them constantly from Master Luke. They seemed so trivial to her. But for some reason, the words radiated through her as they escaped past Kylo’s lips, as though he spoke them on an entirely different frequency. Her eyes fluttered closed as she centred herself. When they opened again, a fresh new energy coursed through her veins.

Kylo started the module. The bricks crawled towards her on a slow path, practically lining up for the slaughter. As they got faster she easily met their speed. Suddenly she could foresee the pattern, such as it was. Every swing of the blade, every direct hit, was perfectly timed and aligned. Kylo watched her success closely and with deep admiration. She was a force all of her own; small and slight, but deadly and feral.  _This girl could destroy the planets and stars,_  he thought.  _She could bring entire galaxies to their knees in an instant…myself included._

When she finished the module she sheathed Kylo’s saber. She was breathing hard from the exertion but when she turned around her face was flushed and excited; the grin she had plastered on plainly showed her pride at accomplishing the task.

“Well done,” Kylo said with a hint of a smile. “Care to give the next level a go?”

Rey’s brow furrowed with determination as that bold smile continued to linger on her lips.

“Do you even have to ask?”


	22. Phantom Pain

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175904947182/fic-prompt-rey-gets-badly-hurt-and-kylo-ren-cant)

**Prompt: Rey gets badly hurt and Kylo Ren can't connect with her through the force, so he rushes into Resistance territory just to be by her side!" - Anonymous**

The pain was jarring. With one quick swipe of the blade Rey was on her knees, clutching at her midsection, which felt like it was on fire. The deadly weapon just barely got her – she had fast reflexes, despite everything, and so she was able to miss the worst of the assault. But even so, she could feel the hot blood trickling through the thin fabric of her shirt, wetting her hands and making them feel sticky. Her shoulders started to quake and – when did she start crying? Faintly, somewhere off in the distance, she could hear a voice screaming her name. _Finn?_

            She barely even noticed when she was grabbed by the armpits and hauled off to the medical tent. The world kind of faded around her; sounds were dulled, all motion was a blur. The only thing she could hear above all else was the panicked, heavy beat of her own heart. She could feel it in her fingertips, and in the wound across her gut.

            As they laid her on the hard mattress and took to work cutting off her shirt to access the wound, she stared up at the white peaked roof of the tent and only one word crossed her mind, again and again and again:

            _Ben._

            All the way across the battlefield, Kylo Ren screamed in pain and fell to his knees, although no weapon had touched him. His fingers gripped the earth below him as he shook, one hand cautiously going to his abdomen, searching for an open wound that wasn’t actually there – but it felt like it was.

            “Sir!” a voice screamed at him in alarm. “Sir are you alright? Are you hurt?”

            Kylo clenched his teeth together hard and stood up, glaring sharply at anyone whose eyes still lingered once he was on two feet.

            “I’m fine.” He chewed out before walking away.

            He wasn’t fine. He was anything but fine. His head was racing and one hand was still searching his midsection for an injury, because it _had_ to be there, he’d felt it. Unless…oh, no.

            Kylo froze, eyes going wide in mounting fear. He wasn’t injured, but she was.

            “No,” he breathed. The icy shock of it all slid down his throat and settled uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong, but what could he do? What he _wanted_ to do was go to her immediately and be by her side; to give her all of his strength if it meant she would get to keep her life. But that would arouse suspicion. Just the sight of him crossing into enemy territory would be enough to make the entire battlefield stop moving. He couldn’t do that. But…it was Rey.

            He hadn’t seen her since she closed the door of his father’s ship in his face. Back when it happened, Kylo had thought the pain he experienced in that moment, as pure and sharp as it was, had to be the worst thing he’d ever felt. But this was far worse.

            This was uncertainty. This was fear. This was _overwhelming_.

            Then he heard it, and the sound of her voice was all it took to set him back into motion.

            _Ben._

            His legs couldn’t stop even if he wanted them to. He was just moving forward, pushing any obstacle out of his way; people, droids, supplies, anything. Gradually he picked up speed until he was full-on running, weaving around people the entire way. He could hear people say his name as he went, he could hear them pointing him out to others, and he knew then that if he ever got back to the Order after this he’d be completely screwed. The only thing was, he just didn’t care.

            He had one objective: to find Rey. Nothing else mattered.

            As he crossed into enemy territory, he had to defend himself if he ever hoped of finding her. Shots were fired at him but continually missed; somehow they were always just a little bit off-centre. The farther he went the more people followed, screaming and shooting and shouting until finally one voice boomed above the rest of them. Another voice Ben recognized instantly. His mother.

            “Stop! Let him through! That’s my son!”

            Well, people stopped, but none of them looked very happy about it. Kylo didn’t bother turning around to look, though. He shut his eyes for a second. He could see white walls and smell antiseptic. There was the familiar sound of medical droids fast at work, along with pained groaning and fast-paced chatter. Of course she was in the medical tent. He looked up for the flag that marked it and once he saw the flash of red, he veered right and disappeared amongst the tents.

            “Rey!” Kylo screamed her name the second he entered the medical tent, causing several people to jump and yelp in surprise and then terror.

            Kylo’s hair was wet with perspiration and sticking to his face. His saber was holstered at his hip. He didn’t presume to look awfully intimidating at that moment, but apparently it didn’t matter. People automatically backed away from him, hissing and cursing him as he walked past. It didn’t bother him any. He had long ago stopped caring about the reactions he got from people. There weren’t too many people he cared about for it matter.

            She was all the way in the back west corner of the tent. The droids had left her side, but her stomach was all bandaged up, with only a red shadow of seepage to hint at the wound lying beneath. Her skin tone was pallid; there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked thinner, somehow.

            The second he got to her bedside he fell to his knees with a dull thud and carefully took her hand in his. All those people that had been chasing him were standing around within the limits of the tent now, still and silent, watching things unfold with a certain amount of confusion and wonder.

            There was that familiar spark of electricity, dancing between their fingertips as they touched. Rey’s eyes instantly twitched and opened. Those lovely hazel irises roamed lazily back and forth for a second before finally coming to focus on Ben’s face, mere inches away from hers. Worry creased his forehead and the muscle in his jaw stood out, telling her he had his teeth clenched again. There were tears in his eyes and when she saw them she felt a little pang in her heart. Those eyes were too soft and too beautiful to have so much sorrow and pain inside them.

            “Ben…” Her lips were chapped and the roughness of her parched throat made it hard for her to speak above a whisper, but she didn’t need to. He had heard her just fine.

            “I’m here,” he replied quietly, squeezing her hand.

            “You shouldn’t be,”

            “You called me, so I came.”

            “You’re going to get yourself killed over here,” she said, as sternly as she could in her current state.

            Kylo shrugged, entirely nonplussed. “Not knowing if you were alive or dead probably would have killed me anyways.”

            Rey smiled weakly and gestured to her wound. “Did you feel it too then? Or did you just hear me call your name?”

            “I felt it too,” Kylo confirmed.

            “Oh,” Rey’s face fell. “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t,” Kylo shook his head. “Don’t apologize.”

            His thumb ran back and forth along her knuckles, and she held onto him with all the strength she could muster. She didn’t know how long she’d get to do it for.

            “So is this your way of surrendering yourself to the Resistance, then?” she asked with a small smile.

            Kylo let out a shaky breath of laughter. “I guess so, yeah. Which means I’m probably going to die here anyway. It was worth it, though. I got to see you again.”

            Rey shook her head. “If they want to hurt you they’re going to have to go through me,” she argued.

            “Ah, but of course. You’re a force to be reckoned with, even with…how many stitches?”

            “Fifty-two.”

            “Even with fifty-two stitches.”

            Rey drew in a breath, warily watching the wall of people that were slowly closing in on them.

            “Thank you,” she whispered. “I didn’t expect that you’d come. I just…wanted you there. I was scared for a second, you know…that it was going to be worse than I thought.”

            “Of course,” Kylo said softly. “I had to come.”

            Very slowly he leaned forward to kiss her head. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she was able to savour every part of the moment. His lips were warm and soft on her skin; she wanted to feel them all over. The thought made her blood run hot. But now was not the time, not in front of all those people.

            “I’ll see you again very soon,” Kylo promised. “And, well, I guess you’ll know where to find me?”

            Rey smiled knowingly. “I guess I will.”

            Kylo gave Rey his lightsaber and she took it in good faith. Then, he put his hands behind his head.

            Everything happened so fast. A group of men closed in and cuffed him before hauling him upright and walking him to the prison camp. The entire time he went peacefully, with a smile on his face. And Rey simply held his saber over her heart and told herself that she’d better be up and walking within the hour or there’d most certainly be hell to pay.


	23. Say It With Roses

[Tumblr link](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175931455527/reylo-neighbors).

**Prompt: "Reylo neighbours au." - Anonymous**

                The house at 515 Parkwood Crescent was built in the early 1950’s. It had a beautiful widow’s walk and an enclosed porch, picture windows, a cobblestone walkway, and a lovely fenced-in backyard, perfect for parties. It had also been vacant for two and a half years.

                Every morning when Ben Solo woke up, he would take his cup of coffee and drag his feet over to his living room, where he would gaze sternly out the bay window and his eyes would always roam over the weathered ‘For Sale’ sign next door to his house. He would think to himself, _For Christ’s sake, is the place haunted or something?_ He had seen any number of people get a tour inside by the realtor over the last two and a half years, and not a single one had made an offer on it. They always left smiling, but it never amounted to a damned thing.

The company that oversaw the management of the lot consistently forgot to mow the lawn, and Ben consistently had to phone and complain to remind them. It drove him insane. The picketed half-fence his property shared with that house was pristine on his end, but was peeling and hideous on the other side.

Ben Solo was a perfectionist. He liked things to be just as he wanted them to be, no more, no less. He liked things to be kept tidy. 515 Parkwood Crescent had not been tidy in almost three years. So obviously, this was a big point of contention for him.

Until one fateful morning when Ben’s alarm roused him from his deep slumber at 7:30. He all but fell out of bed, stretched, and put his comfortable sheepskin suede slippers on to walk downstairs to the kitchen. This time when he looked out his window, something was different. The ‘For Sale’ sign had changed. Now, it boldly proclaimed ‘SOLD’.

“Holy shit,” Ben cursed under his breath, “it’s finally happening.”

Now came the anxious wait. Who had bought it? Was it a family? A single person, like himself? Would they be lazy, or proactive? Would they keep their lawn nice and orderly? Would they have children? God forbid they had a _dog_ , whoever it was. Dogs always chewed up gardens, and Ben had a lovely row of prize roses along his side of the fence that he would sure like to keep planted in the soil.

The rest of May went by quickly, with no signs of life next door. But Ben knew how this worked. They would get possession on the 1st of June, and after that he would know who his new neighbour(s) would be.

He had grown oddly used to having no one living on that side of his house. For instance, he had enjoyed walking about naked with the blinds on that side open, because no one could see him, especially when he was upstairs in his room with its window that faced the vacant house. It would suck not to be able to do that anymore, but if it meant the fence would get painted he supposed he should be grateful.

June 1st came and went. There were no moving trucks that day, but Ben did spot an old Volkswagen car parked out front and some lights on inside the house. He wondered if he shouldn’t go over and say hello, but then he remembered that Mrs. Graham, who lived on the other side of his house, had done that when he had first moved in, and he still kind-of resented her for it. _No,_ he thought. _I’d better give them a few days to get situated first._

 By June 2nd, the moving trucks were there. He saw them in the morning when he was going to work, and spotted some moving company workers laboriously hauling a heavy-looking leather loveseat into the house. But still no sign of the occupant(s).

He didn’t have to wait much longer, however. When he came home from work at 6:00 on the dot, grabbed his briefcase from the backseat, and began heading up his walkway, he was surprised to hear excitable yipping getting closer and closer to him. When he looked down he saw a small blur of white and brown.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he grumbled under his breath. “A fucking dog.”

Indeed, the rambunctious little pup, with the brown spot on its rump and the streaks of rust colour in its ears, was jumping up at Ben’s legs, stubby little tail wagging in pure euphoria. Ben looked down at the dog with unbridled distaste.

“ _Bo!_ Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Ben’s head snapped up at the sound of a human – female – voice. A petite brunette was launching herself off the porch of 515 Parkwood Crescent, rushing down the cobblestone walkway, crossing over into Ben’s yard, and scooping the pup up into her arms. Ben was stunned into paralyzed silence.

She was young, not far into her 20’s, with lively eyes and a sun-kissed, bronze complexion. Wherever she had come from, it had been warm there. Freckles were splashed across the bridge of her nose, a few dabbled along her cheekbones. Her smile was 10,000-watt; so bright and intoxicating in nature. She had her hair pulled up in a bun and she wore a ragged old tank-top and camo cut-offs. She had a touch of periwinkle paint smeared across her left shoulder and dirt under her fingernails. She extended a hand to Ben.

“Hi, I’m your new neighbour, Rey.”

Ben swallowed, surprised at just how dry his throat felt. He shook her hand firmly.

“My name’s Ben. Nice to meet you, and your, uh, dog.” He said the last word with just the right amount of sour inflection.

Rey blushed lightly. Ben could feel his own face warming significantly.

“Yeah, again, I’m sorry. He slipped out right when I opened the door. He really likes meeting new people.”

“How cute.” Ben muttered.

The two spoke for a short while. Rey told Ben all the minor details he could possibly want to know. She had grown up in London as an orphan, and had just finished travelling the world with a photography scholarship. Apparently she was world-renowned, but Ben had never heard of her. She was doing a lot of renovation work to the house and couldn’t wait to “put down roots here”. Ben had been as cordial as he possibly could be. In truth he didn’t mind listening to her speak. Her accented voice was intoxicating. But eventually her spell broke when little Bo took to barking at a biker riding down the street, squirming in his owner’s toned arms.

“Ah, you’ll have to excuse me. I need to get him back inside before his little heart just can’t take the excitement anymore. It was really lovely to meet you, though. I hope we can talk again soon over the fence someday!”

Ben smiled stiffly, eyeing Bo with a healthy amount of wariness. “I’m sure we will.”

The two parted ways. After that their contact was minimal for a couple of weeks. Ben was busy with work and was out of the house six days out of the week (on the seventh he stayed in his man cave watching terrible movies on Netflix in his pyjamas, smoking one premium joint at around 5 p.m. – his special secret tradition to thank himself for getting through the week without killing anyone). Rey, on the other hand, clearly remained busy on her renovations. Ben would see lights on in the house into the wee hours of the morning, and if he went outside on his deck and listened closely, he could hear muted hammering noises and soft, echoing music playing from somewhere inside the house. He can’t say he wasn’t curious about what she was doing in there. The interior of the house was beautiful wood and tile, with a stone fireplace, _and_ crown moulding. It was a mid-century antique-lover’s _dream_. Surely she wasn’t making the mistake of trying to _modernize_ it?

They met once more in the evening on a Tuesday, when Ben was on his knees along the fence line, pruning his roses. Rey walked by with a heavy-looking camera bag slung over her shoulder and a binder full of papers in her arm. She gave him that dazzling smile of hers, which made his heart actually skip a beat, on her way by.

“Evening!” she chirped. “Your roses are absolutely lovely. I’d love to have a garden like yours someday!”

He smiled back, somewhat awkwardly. Ben’s smile was usually quite crooked in nature; kind-of goofy-looking but in a charming way, like when a dog ‘smiles’.

“Thanks…” he replied belatedly.

She was clearly in a hurry. She unloaded her burdens into the backseat of her car and drove off somewhere. Ben went back to work, the look of her smiling face burned in his brain for the rest of the night.

Rey had barely been living next-door for a month when _The Incident_ happened. Oh, it was a doozy, in more ways than one.

Ben woke up that morning and sauntered to the kitchen in his slippers and plaid flannel pyjama pants. His hair was a chaotic mess – he had tossed and turned a lot in the night; June was turning out to be a hot month, and the fan in his bedroom couldn’t keep up with the heat. He was just barely awake. He nearly forgot to put a fresh K-cup of breakfast blend into his Keurig. That would have been disgusting.

Crisis avoided and with a fresh, aromatic mug of hot coffee in his hand, he wandered over to his window. The sun had just come up, and the morning sky was streaked with pink and yellow. A rose gold palette of natural beauty. Speaking of roses…what was wrong with his roses?!

He blinked and rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to wake up completely. Rich, dark dirt was scattered across his freshly-trimmed lawn, interlaced with shredded rose petals, leaves, and a couple whole stems, dug out from their home in the soil. And there, in the midst of it all, was a little white dog butt with a brown spot along the back.

“Are you _fucking shitting me_ right now?!” Ben bellowed. His coffee was instantly set down and forgotten about.

Bo, having heard Ben’s outburst from the garden, lifted his dirt-stained face up, floppy puppy ears perked towards the noise. When Ben emerged shortly after, still bare-chested in his slippers and PJ pants, with a look of dark fury on his face, Bo froze in terror, completely unsure of what to do or where to go.

When Ben got close, Bo suddenly rolled onto his belly, short little tail tucked in shame as much as it could be. Ben bent down and picked the dog up by the scruff of its neck. Bo couldn’t even meet Ben’s eyes.

“What the hell, _dog_?” Ben snarled. “I can’t fucking believe this shit. It is 7:30 in the goddamn morning, and you’re going to hurl this crap in my face? I don’t fucking think so…”

He swiftly moved down his walkway and over into Rey’s yard, carrying the dog all the way, tucked at his side. His slippers didn’t really make a very intimidating sound effect as he stomped up the stairs and across the porch to her front door – which she had painted bright red for some fucking reason. _Bright red. Fuck. How original._ Ben’s knuckles rapped hard on the painted door.

No answer. The lights were off inside, but her car was most certainly parked out front. Nope. No. He was going to get mad at somebody, goddamn it. The dog didn’t count.

He pressed the doorbell repeatedly and kicked at the door until finally, _finally_ , she emerged, one eye shut to the brightness of the morning, hair falling out of its messy bun, wrapped in an old threadbare robe that was much too big on her.

“What is going on…?” she mumbled, slowly registering the very angry half-naked man with a very nice chest she was now facing. “Bo?”

“Your fucking dog tore up my roses,” Ben growled, holding the dog up so she could see his face, smeared with the evidence of his crime. “And I have to beg the question: what the hell was he doing in my yard at 7:30 in the morning?”

Rey blinked, colour quickly fading from her face. _There it is,_ Ben thought poisonously. _There’s that ‘oh, shit’ look I wanted to see._

“I-I swear I don’t know…there’s a doggy-door out to the backyard. He must have gotten through the fence somehow, I—”

“Well. That fucking sucks, doesn’t it?” Ben spat. “Meanwhile my garden is destroyed because you think it’s fine to let him go out without a leash any damn time he wants!”

Rey’s expression instantly soured. Her eyes narrowed and her chin stuck out.

“I can assure you he won’t do it again,” she chewed out bitterly.

“Oh, you’re damned right he won’t,” Ben argued. “Because he’s not going to be let out without a leash until he gets his little digging habit under control, right?”

“How dare you tell me how to take care of my dog?” Rey snarled, taking Bo roughly from Ben’s arms and setting him down at her feet. Bo whined, blatantly uncomfortable with the situation he had created.

“Well clearly someone has to!”

“Why don’t you piss off? Why do you even grow roses? What kind of soft-side bullshit is that?!”

“What are you fucking talking about? I’m not allowed to grow fucking _roses_ in my own damn yard?”

“I’m not allowed to let my dog go _outside_ in my own damn yard?!”

“Listen, I’ve been here a lot longer than you—”

“Oh, yeah? It shows!” Rey gestured to her facial area, even tugging down on one cheek, clearly suggesting dark circles and eye wrinkles.

“Oh does it?!” Ben yelled.

“Yeah, _it does_!”

Their banter was ended by the sound of Mr. Johnson shouting from a couple houses down, reminding them both of the lovely, peaceful neighbourhood they called home:

_“Shut the fuck up!”_

They both stopped, chests heaving, angry eyes never leaving the other’s face. It was at this point Ben realized that, oh – Rey sleeps naked.

The threadbare robe she had so thoughtfully put on before answering the door was hardly cinched at her waist, creating a very deep-V neckline that showed Ben a lot more than he had been expecting to see. It only made it more eye-catching when she crossed her arms like that.

He couldn’t help the sudden flush in his face. He was the first to break their staring contest, and he wasn’t proud of it. Rey had only a second to appreciate her victory before she too realized why she’d won. With a soft gasp she hastily tugged the collar of her robe closed. Now she was vibrantly blushing too, and she also looked like she wanted to slap him, which in all actuality she had every right to do. But she didn’t, and in the moment she couldn’t quite understand why.

“Keep your dog on your side of the fence,” Ben grumbled. Most of his fire had died out by now. He jabbed an accusatory hand at her side of the fence in question as he descended the porch steps. “And for fuck’s sake, would it kill you to paint it?”

 

The two carefully avoided one another for the next week, always checking out the window before daring to go outside. Ben watered his garden in the morning, Rey mowed her lawn in the evening. Bo didn’t escape again. He didn’t even bark. Ben saw Rey out painting her side of the fence one day, but he didn’t dare go out and say anything about it. And it went on like this for a whole, painfully long week. Until the first fault in the ice cracked to life.

It was a Saturday morning. Rey was always gone on a run on Saturday mornings, and Ben left for work at 9:00. This morning though, when he opened his door at 8:57, he had to pause in the threshold. For there, right outside his door and awfully close to the toe of his shoe, was a small potted rose bush, freshly-grown and healthy, with one small, deep-red bloom on top.

Mystified, Ben picked it up. Amidst the leaves and (this was no doubt done on purpose) thorns, there was a small piece of folded-up paper. Fine stationary, made of soft natural paper, and written on the outside of the fold in fine, flowy script, was his name.

Much to the (likely) chagrin of the sender, he only received one particularly nasty prick on his ring finger when he reached in to grab it. He sucked on this as he brought the plant inside and set it down, before opening the letter addressed to him.

_I’m sorry my dog tore up your roses, and I’m sorry I didn’t apologize in the moment. I should have. You were right to be angry. Bo feels really, really bad, and so do I. Just so you know. I bought this at the Farmer’s Market and I thought you could maybe plant it and start fresh. If you don’t want to that’s fine. I understand your roses were “one of a kind”. I hope you’ll keep this little guy alive, anyway, even if you don’t forgive us. – Rey & Bo (your apologetic neighbours)_

Ben would be lying if he said the note didn’t make him smile a little bit. He set it fold-down atop his piano, and admired the little rose bush. Its leaves were a vibrant, lush green, and it was covered in buds. He flicked a leaf and watched it tremble. He grinned. It would do just fine in his garden.

He kept coming back to that little rose bush all day long. At work he’d catch himself doodling, something he rarely did anymore, little sketches of roses in the margins and bright, dimpled smiles. The plant was a sign of surrender; asking for a truce. Would he give in? Well, yes, he would. It hadn’t taken him long to come to that conclusion. In all honesty, over the duration of the week his anger had faded. Once he had cleaned up his garden he noticed that the damage wasn’t as extensive as he thought. He could forgive it, he supposed.

But how could he let her know it? It just didn’t feel right to him to go over to her house and offer her a plate of store-bought cookies, because lord knows he couldn’t bake them himself. It felt fake, derivative, and cheesy. “Hey, it’s all water off a duck’s back! Here’s some Pillsbury crap on a plate!”

It was 3:36 in the afternoon when the idea struck him. _The_ _Grand Gesture_. The way he was going to let Rey know all was forgiven. He had been inspired by something she had said the other day; her words floated back to him as though coming out of the ether of a dream. And suddenly he couldn’t wait to get home. Of course, he’d have to make a couple stops along the way, pick up some supplies and the like. He planned it out to the last detail, effectively wasting the last hour and a half of work. And when it was finally time to leave, his desk chair had barely stopped spinning before he had left the building.

He knew that starting at 5:00, he had only two hours before Rey would be home for the night after she stopped at the gym (in the short time she had been living next door, he had quickly taken note of her daily activities). He could pull this off in an hour and a half, if he was quick and had no interruptions. He hauled everything over to Rey’s front lawn and set to work.

Thankfully, the universe was smiling upon him for once and everything went smoothly. He had successfully started a garden for Rey, in front of her large picture window in the front yard. He had carefully transplanted a shoot of his own prize roses, right in the centre, with a colourful array of flora and grasses all around. To him it looked magnificent, but a nagging voice in the back of his head kept asking ‘Would she even notice it?’

                When all was said and done, his watch told him it was 6:51. She would be home soon. He took this opportunity to plant his new rose bush in the spot where Bo had dug up the last one. He was just packing the dirt around the base of the plant when he heard her car pull up. He held his breath.

                Her car door shut. He heard her unlatch the front gate and re-latch it behind her. Then came the soft shuffling sound of her shoes walking up the cobblestone pathway…and then all sounds stopped with a sudden, loud gasp.

                Ben peeked precariously over the top of the fence. She was standing halfway up the walk with her jaw slack, staring wide-eyed at the beautiful arrangement that had seemingly _appeared_ in front of her house. She slowly walked up to it and bent down to examine the flowers closer. Ben couldn’t see, but when she saw the roses, she grinned because she recognized them instantly.

                At this point, Ben realized he probably looked like a total jackass, crouched and watching her from across the fence. So he stood up, brushed the dirt from the worn-out knees of his jeans, and cleared his throat.

                “You’re forgiven, in case it wasn’t clear,” he said. “Bo, too.”

                She stood up straight and turned to look at him, that one-of-a-kind smile glowing like the moon in the sky.

                “You did this?” she asked quietly, her voice laden with emotion.

                Ben nodded. “I didn’t know how else to say it…and I remembered you telling me you wanted a garden like mine, so I figured I’d help get you started.”

                “I love it,” she confessed. “It’s beautiful, and it smells amazing.”

                “Well, good. I’m glad.”

                Rey sighed, shifting her weight to her left foot. She gave him an apologetic look.

                “I guess we’ve been lousy neighbours, huh?” she asked.

                “Uh, when the guy down the street has to tell us to shut the fuck up, I’m going to say yes, we have been,” Ben answered.

                Rey chuckled. “Woops.”

                “Woops.” Ben agreed with a crooked smile.

                Rey smiled back at him somewhat bashfully, fiddling with the wire of her headphones.

                “Would you like to come inside?” she asked quietly. “I think we could both use a drink, maybe. And…I’d like to get to know you better, if that’s okay.”

                Ben’s eyes widened. He had been expecting a hearty thank-you, maybe some joyful tears, but not an invitation inside – into her _life_. Before his brain could even formulate an answer, he was nodding his head yes and hopping over the fence.

                “Careful,” Rey cautioned playfully, “I just painted that.”

                Ben smirked. “I know, it looks good.”

                “Thanks.”

                As he climbed the steps of her porch for the second time in his life, he found himself in a very apologetic mood. Heat burned high in his face, turning the tips of his ears a deep pink.

                “Oh, um…I also want to apologize for, uh…well, the night of _The Incident_ , I…I promise I wasn’t staring,” he mumbled, “at you.”

                Rey smiled warmly, and Ben didn’t miss the way her eyes jumped down his body and back up again in one quick, scanning motion.

                “That’s okay,” she confessed as a sly grin spread across her face. “I just hope you don’t mind that I was.”

                Ben didn’t know what to say to that, so he just grinned like an idiot and followed her inside without a second thought. She had freshly-baked cookies on her countertop and no Pillsbury container in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this one and DEFINITELY got carried away, lol. Oh, well. Also, my entire life I thought Pillsbury was only spelled with one L? Mandela Effect or just plain old stupidity? You decide!!


	24. A Mother Always Knows

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175388349452/can-you-write-a-fanfic-about-leia-finding-out-that)

**Prompt: "Can you write a fanfic about Leia finding out that Rey is in love with Kylo/Ben? Either Rey confides in her or she senses something is up on her own?" - Anonymous**

 Rey didn’t think Leia had noticed. Sure, she had her tells, but certainly Leia didn’t know her well enough to recognize what the little secretive smiles meant, or the late nights spent walking the ship, or the way her mind continuously floated off to another planet, as though she was lost in a daydream. She had tried to keep it all under control.

         But Leia had noticed.

         That’s why, one evening, after a lengthy meeting in the chambers, Leia had kept a close eye on Rey. She wanted to make sure the young girl didn’t leave before she had her chance to speak with her. After all the years she had spent longing for her son, any matter which directly pertained to him immediately became her number one priority. Leia recognized that. She had been rebuked by her husband and her brother for this habit of hers, but their worried advice to “just let it go” fell on deaf ears. She could not just let it go, and she never would.

         Once the chambers had, for the most part, cleared, Leia saw her opportunity and swooped in. The long, airy sleeves of her forest green gown trailed behind her.

         “Rey, might I have a word?”

         The former scavenger paused halfway through turning towards the doors and fixed Leia with a stunned but glowing expression, which slowly blossomed into a graceful smile. Rey had a very special quality that many people didn’t: with just one look she was able to make anyone like her. And clearly, that really did mean  _anyone_.

         “What can I do for you, General?” Rey asked politely, practically skipping to Leia’s side with curiosity.

         Leia gave her a warm smile. She had long ago sensed that, although the girl was scrappy and fierce, she had a very strong flight instinct, learned from years stealing and scavenging in Jakku, amongst the dregs of society. Any sense of danger was not to be taken lightly. So, trained in this type of scenario, the General played it very careful so as not to make Rey panic.

         “There is a… _separate matter_  that I did not wish to discuss in front of everyone, but which I feel I can bring to you,” Leia spoke in hushed tones.

         Rey’s ears perked up. Her face shifted into seriousness.

         “Of course, anything,” she promised.

         “I still want my son back. Everyone has told me he is a lost cause, but I know—I just  _know_  that isn’t true,”

         Rey’s eyes widened. “You’re right, it’s not!” Her voice was a whisper, and colour flared in her cheeks. Had she said too much already?

         “Without Snoke in the picture, I feel it will be easier to cleave him from this path he’s chosen; to set him right,” Leia continued earnestly. “I know you’re my only hope to accomplish this task.”

         Rey’s eyes narrowed just slightly. If she didn’t have reason to be concerned before, she did now. But there was no obvious sign of anxiety in those soft eyes yet.

         “Why’s that?” she asked slowly.

         A beat of silence. The two women just looked at one another, trying to figure out how much the other knew. Eventually, Leia smiled and relaxed her shoulders. Rey’s lips were beginning to twitch – the sign of nervous teeth, looking for something to nip at.

         “How is my son, Rey?” Leia asked, quiet as the night. “Do you talk about that sort of thing, when you see him?”

         There it was. She could see Rey’s heart drop into her stomach. But the girl was tough. She steeled herself, stood her ground, and kept her panic from showing on her face too much.

         “I-I’m not sure what you mean,” Rey replied hoarsely.

         “But you must! You were just talking to him last night, weren’t you?”

         Rey blanched. “I…I wasn’t—”

         “Dear, it’s alright,” Leia put a comforting hand on Rey’s shoulder. “I’m not mad at you for not telling anyone; in fact, I can see why you didn’t. There’s a large number of people around here who would be all too willing to attack you as a spy if they found out you had a secret link to my son.”

         Rey’s mouth hung open but no words came out. She didn’t move an inch.

         “I certainly won’t tell anyone,” Leia promised. “I just wanted you to know that…well, that I know.”

         Rey blinked, slowly coming out of her trance. “B-but…how…? How did you figure it out? I’ve been so careful…”

         “You have! You really have! Anyone else wouldn’t have figured it out. But I know my son, and I know the Force, and I saw the way you had changed when you came back to us on Crait. I already knew you saw Ben; you were with him when Snoke died. But I saw something different in you, after. You seemed just a little more distant, a little more distracted than before. Just the little things. But I noticed them.”

         Rey still looked confused. Leia ushered her over to a couple of chairs and they took a seat, their heads bent close together.

         “You and Ben are both incredibly strong with the Force; so much so that you’re equals. Do you know the Force recognized this before you were even born? Before my Ben was barely five years old? It knew about the two of you, and it communicated it to me via a prophecy. The Force is a very complicated thing, certainly. But it recognizes soulmates faster than most, and it is what brings those soulmates together. Do you understand me?”

         Rey nodded stiffly.

         “Now, ‘soulmates’ doesn’t  _necessarily_  mean romantic. It could just mean two people who are destined to play a major role in each other’s lives, whether that’s as friends, allies, or maybe even enemies. I think that’s for the two of you to figure out on your own, when it wants you to. However, if it  _were_  to be romantic between you and my son, well…I’d be okay with that. But I don’t expect you to tell me that. I mean, one secret is enough for a day, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you or—”

         “You’re not,” Rey interrupted Leia’s rambling with a firm headshake. She blinked, still adjusting to this new deluge of information that she had not been expecting in the least.

         “Pressuring me, I mean. You’re not.” Rey clarified awkwardly. “I should have told you. Maker, it’s your son, for crying out loud! If anyone needs to be told this stuff, it’s you. I shouldn’t have kept any of this from you. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

         “It’s okay,” Leia whispered.

         “As for it not being romantic…” Rey’s voice trailed off and for a moment Leia wondered if she wasn’t slipping into another ‘daydream’. But the girl recovered after fumbling words about in her head for a minute, testing how they tasted on her tongue.

         “It is,” she said, so quietly Leia had to strain her ears to hear her. “I don’t know why, or how, but, it is. I want to save him, Leia, and I know I can.”

         “Oh, Rey…” Tears sprang to Leia’s eyes. This girl, this former scavenger from Jakku, was her very own beacon of hope. The very person she had been looking for. The other part of the prophecy which had foretold her son’s fall to the Dark Side:

          _Darkness rises, and light to meet it. As his strength in the Dark Side grows, so too does that of his equal in the Light…_

Leia shivered.

         “I think I love him,” Rey said thickly. Her nervousness showed in her downcast eyes and busy fingers. “I hope that’s okay.”

         Leia couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up from her chest. She hadn’t felt this happy, nor this hopeful, in a very long time.

         “Yes,” she chuckled, embracing Rey tightly, so very thankful for the girl’s presence in her life. The answer to all of her prayers. The daughter she had been waiting for.

         “That is perfectly okay with me.”


	25. The Practice of Repetition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to "A Mother Always Knows".

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175420015297/can-you-pls-write-a-sequel-to-the-prompt-about)

**Prompt: "Can you pls write a sequel to the prompt about Leia finding out Rey is in love with Kylo/Ben? Maybe Ben overheard part of the convo? (; Or maybe Rey decides to tell Ben about the convo?" - Anonymous**

_I love him. I hope that’s okay._

_That is perfectly okay with me._

_I love him…_

Kylo awoke with a start, his entire body jolting forwards in one great, dizzying lurch. His scalp felt cool where it came away from the pillow and his bedsheet was clinging to his skin. The dark shadows of his sleeping quarters slowly floated into place around him, all still and quiet and peaceful. Kylo, on the other hand, felt like he was going to self-combust.

         His heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage he thought he may vomit. His entire body was covered with perspiration and yet he felt ice-cold; his skin raised in goosebumps all the way to his toes. And all he could think about was the fact that he didn’t know what to think.

         Had it been a dream? Those floating voices in his head had been crystal clear, like the tinny echo of a tuning fork. Even now, as he sat up in bed fully awake, they circled around and around inside his head, repeating over and over again the same words:

          _I love him…is that okay…I love him…that’s okay…_

As he settled into his conscious self, he grew more and more positive that it had not been a dream, but rather a distant conversation, spoken lightyears away, between the only two women he had ever cared for. It had been real; it had to be, because he didn’t think he could accept the alternative.

         He pulled the sheet off of his body and stepped out of bed. He was only dressed from the waist-down but he didn’t care. He needed to find her; to ask if it had been real or not. Anything else could wait until after.

         She was easy to locate; always at the other end of his line, just waiting for him to reach out. His heart was trying to suffocate him as she drew nearer. Suddenly he didn’t feel so confident in his ability to ask such a daunting question. Instead, he felt tongue-tied and foolish. Heat burned in the apples of his cheeks and yet he was visibly trembling all over, as though he had been struck by a sudden and fierce chill.

         “Ben?”

         Just the sound of her speaking his name made him feel weak. He had never before savoured his name the way he did when she spoke it. She made it sound so…sacred.

         She was frazzled. Whether it was due to her meeting with his mother or the fact that he was half-undressed, he couldn’t tell yet. She struggled to meet his gaze straight-on, as she had done the last time they found themselves in this predicament. Kylo looked her over tenderly, drinking in her image, swearing to himself to never forget the way those eyes made him feel.

          “I need to ask you something,” Kylo said awkwardly. His mouth was dry and it made it hard to speak.

         Rey’s stare was speculative. “Yes?”

         “Did you…ah—did you meet with my mother today? Just now?”

         Her reaction was infinitesimal, but by now Kylo knew all her micro-expressions and what they meant. Her eyes widened just slightly, and her shoulders tensed. That one muscle in her jaw flexed and he caught its shadow upon her cheek. Once again his heart was doing leaps and bounds inside his chest, forcing blood that was quickly increasing in temperature to all his extremities. He felt sick and elated, nervous and excited all at the same time. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

         “How did you…?” Rey’s mouth worked as she fumbled for the right words.

         “I heard it. It woke me up.”

         Rey paled significantly. The weight of the words she had spoken to Leia were still very much on her mind. She knew well enough what this meant. As always, she cursed the Force bond for being so damn inconvenient and unpredictable.

         “Rey…did you mean it?” His voice was barely a whisper; as soft and tentative as a nervous child’s.

         Her gaze softened instantaneously. His apprehension was obvious. He wanted to know, and yet he was so hopeful for a particular outcome he was almost scared to find out. But he had nothing to be afraid of, not anymore. He knew that the second she cracked a smile.

         “I did,” came her reply. “Is that okay?”

         He didn’t answer with words. Instead, he swept her up in his arms, allowing himself to register how incredible her body felt against his. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ever felt this happy. It was a feeling he could see himself chasing for the rest of his life. He had never thought he’d get to this point. No one had known all it would take was her. One lonely scavenger from Jakku.

         “I love you,” he swore. “I love you,  _I love you_.”

         They very quickly lost count of how many times they said those three words that night.


	26. The Sun Casts Them In Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A finale to "A Mother Always Knows" and "The Practice of Repetition".

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/175458780097/i-think-that-youre-an-amazing-writer-youre)

**Prompt: "I was wondering if you could please do a one shot based on what you think would happen if Ben asked Rey why she loved him" - Anonymous**

_Post-salvation ~_

It was sometime in the early dawn hours when Ben asked her why she loved him.

               The sun had not yet crested the horizon, but its coming glow stained the sky outside a pale lavender crowned with gold. Birds sang off in the distance, slowly awakening for the morning bug hunt.

               Rey had been drifting in and out of sleep for quite some time. The flowering trees of the meadow had perfumed the air with a lovely soft scent, and this had coaxed her into a state of complete relaxation – that, and the calming sensation of Ben’s fingers, tracing phantom patterns along the skin of her arms. The feeling of his large, warm body beside her; hard with muscle and yet, somehow fitted to her body. She had never felt so comfortable, sleeping atop a ship out in the open before.

               She wasn’t even sure what planet they were on anymore. She was just happy he was there with her, finally, in person. A part of her felt like she had been waiting for this moment her entire life.

               She pulled herself out of the steady delirium of sleep and opened one eye to peer at him. As always, his handsome, dark features instantly struck her. She could feel his gaze burn deep inside her; smouldering and analytical.

               “Why do I love you?” she repeated drowsily.

               “Yes.”

               She sat up a little. “How can you ask me something like that? And this early in the day, no less.”

               Ben shrugged. His bare skin caught the light in an eerily beautiful glow. “It’s just something that I’ve been wondering.”

               “Well, stop wondering,” Rey muttered, somewhat grumpily. “I love you because I love you and that’s that.”

               “You have no reason?”

               “Do you?”

               “Several.”

               “Indulge me.”

               “Okay,” The corners of his mouth twitched in a brief smile. “First, allow me to preface this by stating that yes, there are some aspects of my love for you that I can’t quite explain—”

               “Ah-hah!” Rey jabbed an accusatory finger at him. “See? So why are we even having this conversation if you admit it?”

               “Because there’s  _more_ ,” Ben deftly nudged her hand back down, eyes glimmering up at her. “The Force is something I  _understand_ , but not necessarily something I can  _explain_ , is what I mean.”

               Rey couldn’t argue with that.

               “You saved me,” he continued, much softer than before. “You brought me back from a ledge I was all too willing to jump off of. For that, I love you.”

               Rey chewed speculatively on her bottom lip. The way his eyes remained so steadily fixed upon her made heat score her cheekbones.

               “You are one of the strongest, most intelligent women I know, and I’ve had no real shortage of those in my life. But you are your own special brand of strong, and for that, I love you.

               “You have suffered so much, and yet compassion comes so easily to you. It astounds me how much faith you still have, after you have been failed so horribly before. For that, I love you.”

               Rey finally broke her gaze away from his. The heat in her face and along the tips of her ears was too much to handle. No one had ever boasted the ability to make her blush so deeply until Ben came along.

               Ben’s hand crept enticingly up her arm. He tossed her that charming, pirate smile he had inherited from his father. It made her heart soar.

               “Do you see what I mean now?” he asked.            

               “I suppose,” Rey admitted begrudgingly. “It’s still kind of difficult to answer, though.”

               “Why?” Ben’s brow creased in puzzlement and, maybe, just a little bit of concern.  _Can she not think of one reason why she loves me?_ He thought. It was a conditioned way of thinking. He had been groomed to express doubt about his feelings, or the feelings of others. He was still working on it.

               “Well, because…” Rey’s fingers fumbled around with his for a moment, brushing along his knuckles, slipping into place amongst his.

               “I love you because I’ve always loved you. And I don’t just mean since the first time I saw you. In fact, the first time I saw you I was quite positive I didn’t love you, not one bit.”

               Ben’s eyes narrowed.

               “I mean…I feel like I’ve loved you since a time long before I was born. In another life, maybe. Another place. I think you’ve always been my other half, it just took us a while to find one another. So, when you ask me why I love you, it just seems kind of…trivial. Because there isn’t just one or five or twenty reasons why I love you. There’s a thousand. A million. There’s enough reasons to fill the span of a hundred million lifetimes and maybe more. And that just can’t be summed up in a simple answer that will satisfy you.”

               Ben looked stunned. His jaw was slack, and his hand had stopped moving on her arm; it remained frozen at her elbow.

               “Oh,” he breathed.

               “I love you because I love you. Because it’s a part of me. And that’s all.” She offered him a consolatory smile.

               He didn’t move or speak for another beat; long enough to make Rey worry she’d said the wrong thing somehow. He quickly put that notion out of her head, however, by practically launching himself at her, laying her down on her back, and kissing her firmly and deeply, until her head swam. When they finally parted they were both breathless and shaking.

               “Somehow, that was the exact answer I wanted to hear, and I didn’t even know it,” Ben whispered.

               Rey giggled happily and entangled her fingers in his dark, feathery hair, pulling his mouth back down to hers. She leaned in to the kiss, arching her back to make further contact with him. A deep rumble of enjoyment, like the purr of a big cat, emanated from his chest. One of his knees casually coaxed her legs apart and he angled his hips downwards, so that she could feel the full affect her words had had on him. Her lips pulled into a broad smile against his.

               The rising sun cast them in gold; a tribute to their love.

 


	27. even before the sun comes up

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/176173126597/hello-are-you-still-taking-prompt-if-so-i-got)

**Prompt: "preggo Rey craving the weirdest food combination ever (hehe, in the middle of the night!) and Ben being the dearest husband he is, will do whatever it takes to satisfy his wife." - Anonymous**

          The overpass was empty, and dark. The atmosphere was foreboding and strangely, deeply lonely. I swear, at least ten streetlights flickered as I drove beneath their eerie orange glow.

            Bob Dylan was crooning about a Mr. Tambourine Man through my speakers. The flowing, warbling words seemed oddly suited to my current situation:

_Though I know that evening’s empire has returned into sand…vanished from my hand, left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping. My weariness amazes me, I’m branded on my feet…_

My eyes burned with a fierce need for sleep as they jumped over to the green numbers of my car’s radio clock. 3:19 AM. The sun would be up soon. And I…I would be in the frozen food section of the 24/7 grocery store, looking for the biggest tub of pistachio ice cream I could find. And after that, a special visit to the condiments aisle, for dill pickles. To dip in the pistachio ice cream.

Yep. Pistachio ice cream and dill pickles. ‘Dill’ underlined three times. That’s what my shopping list says.

The thought of eating the two together makes my stomach clench and my throat want to close up. But thankfully it’s not for me. It’s for my wife. My Rey. My very pregnant wife, Rey.

It was a weird request, one of several I’d been tasked with over the last eight months. Oh, yeah. When I said _very pregnant_ , I wasn’t kidding. Honestly, I’ve seen the ultrasounds, and the doctor keeps telling us there’s only one baby in there, but I’d be lying if I said I believed him. I’m not totally convinced it isn’t twins. It runs in my family, after all.

But when Rey has a craving, or something that she needs – even just a foot rub – I will always be there to make sure she gets it. Even before the sun comes up. No matter how weird, or random, or troublesome. I’d promised her that a very long time ago. It was the first of many promises I made to our child.

So when she’d rolled over in bed, gently shaken me awake, and asked for pistachio ice cream and dill pickles, there was not a chance in hell I was going to say no to her – even though I was fairly sure at first that I’d misheard her. I didn’t hesitate.

The grocery store was almost as dead as the freeway had been, save for the one lonely cashier at the front. A pecky-looking kid, with flaming orange hair and watery blue eyes, he had his dirty combat boots up on the desk. As soon as I walked in and he caught sight of me, he dropped them back to the floor with an indiscreet _clomp_.

“Morning, sir,” he greeted me.

“Mmphm,” I grumbled back. It was too early for conversation, no matter how casual. And I was not there to make friends.

It took me almost ten minutes just to find a container of pistachio ice cream. I was almost ready to admit defeat and go ask where they kept it when I pushed aside one more mint chocolate chip and found it. I gave it a dirty look when I pulled it out of the freezer, as if it had wronged me somehow. In a way, I felt like it had.

I threw the day’s newspaper down onto the till counter with my dill pickles and ice cream. As I dug my wallet out of my pants pocket, I watched the cashier kid raise an eyebrow at my early morning choices. His eyes searched me, as though he was trying to peg me for a pistachio guy, but when he caught me looking back at him he quickly averted his gaze. I’m usually not the type to be messed with, but I can only imagine how alarming I must look half-awake, with five o’clock shadow and horrendous bedhead.

I yawned about five times on the way back to my car, and then again when I was in the driver’s seat. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to scrub that stubborn, burning ache away. _Yes, I am tired. Yes, I can feel it in my bones. But I just have to get back home, and then I can curl up in bed next to my wife while she eats her ice cream and pickles. And I will love her to death for it, even though it’s weird and will make the bedsheets smell like dill and vinegar, because she’s my_ wife _, damn it. And she’s beautiful as hell._

The house was quiet when I came in through the garage door. The only light source was the soft, ember glow of the nightlight in the hallway. I kicked off my shoes, dropped my jacket on the floor, and faithfully brought the paper bag of goodies back to the bedroom.

Rey was sitting up in bed, a book perched on top of her round belly. The porcelain lamp that looked like a Dalmatian, with the dusty pink, fringed lampshade, was turned on beside her bed. She had picked that gem out at a garage sale two years ago, and had since insisted on having it in the bedroom for good. I, of course, was powerless to say no. I could never say no to her.

She smiled prettily at me as I walked in. It still made my heart flutter when she did that. Her dimples stood out very well in the dim, shadowy bedroom. I couldn’t resist smiling back.

“For you.” I set the bag down beside her. She quickly opened it up and pulled out the contents.

She made a squeal of glee. “Thank you so much, Ben. God, what would I do without you?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be pregnant for one thing, so you would likely be able to get it yourself,” I quipped sarcastically, barely stifling a yawn.

She rolled her eyes at my poor joke, like she always does. But there was still a smile on her face when she did it. She thought I was kind of funny. Sometimes.

 She fluttered her eyes at me and I knew what was coming next.

“Could you get me a spoon, please?”

I smirked, because I was right.

“Of course. But wait,”

I rushed to her side and kissed her. She blinked at me, pleasantly surprised.

“I wanted to do that before your breath smells like pickles and pistachios,” I explained. “You will brush your teeth after this, right?”

She grinned like an evil conspirator bent on my destruction.

“We shall see,” she replied.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” I whispered, quickly stealing another kiss from her. “Stop; you’re too attractive right now. You’re making me want to _try_ for twins.”

“Oh shut up and fetch me a spoon,” she giggled, peeling the lid and plastic off the ice cream. She moved to the pickle jar next. “I’ll use one of these babies until you get back.”

I just shook my head, laughing, and shuffled off to the kitchen to get her a spoon. When I was there, I noticed the sun was just barely starting to peak over the horizon.

I smiled, and brought her spoon to her, and watched her eat that strange combination of food, and I was so very happy. It didn’t matter that I was tired.

I would do anything for her, anytime; even before the sun comes up.


	28. Baby Pictures

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/176358378352/can-you-please-write-a-one-shot-where-ben-finds)

**Prompt: "Can you please write a one-shot where Ben finds Leia showing Rey baby photos of him :)"**

            Ben was in the kitchen getting a glass of milk when he heard the relentless giggling coming from the adjoining living room. He recognized the laughter immediately as belonging to his mother and Rey. His heart leapt into his throat. What were they laughing at?   _Oh, dear god,_ _what are they laughing at?!_

            He paused on the other side of the shared wall and listened. He could make out words, interspersed in the giggles.

            “Oh, look at that face! It’s so red…”

            “Yes, he was very angry because no one was holding him.”

            “The ears! Oh, god, the _ears_! So cute…”

            Ben felt like he was drowning in his own palpable horror. It was like the embarrassment alone had physically separated his soul from his body. Could a person astral project over sheer humiliation? He thought he had the answer.

            “Oh! Then there’s this one. Christmas, 1991. His aunt sent him these jammies—”

            In an instant, Ben’s limbs thawed. He came around the wall, inquisitive eyes roaming over the room before landing on the two women, seated close together on the couch, with an open photo album between them.

            “What…what’s this?” Ben asked, cautiously stepping into the room. “What are you laughing at?”

            Rey snorted, then quickly covered her massive grin with her hands. She looked to Leia for assistance, but Ben’s mother seemed to be in much the same condition. She gave her son a twinkling stare.

            Ben sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

            “Mom…please tell me you did not bring out my baby pictures?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

            “What? They’re adorable!” Leia protested innocently. “You don’t want your girlfriend to see you in a diaper?”

            “No, I don’t. Go figure.” Ben replied flatly. “Why do you bring these out all the time? There is no occasion that calls for it!”

            “On the contrary, I think it was a very appropriate time,” Rey piped in, sitting up and walking over to Ben. “It’s not like _you_ were ever going to show them to me.”

            The second she wrapped her hands around his arm, he visibly relaxed.

            “You’re right,” he grumbled, “I wasn’t.”

            “See? I need to know these things, for future reference,” she said suggestively. “Nothing suggested to me that you weren’t an adorable baby, though. You should know that.”

            “Right, I’m sure.”

            “He was the cutest baby,” Leia confirmed proudly. “He got into _everything_ , though. As soon as he started crawling, there had to be eyes on him 24/7, because if you looked away for even a second he’d be covered in flour or Vaseline or eating makeup or something. I have pictures of that, too. You wanna see?”

            “No, Mom. She’s seen more than enough for today.”

            Rey made a disappointed face and opened her mouth to speak up but Ben silenced her by gingerly pressing his index finger to her lips.

            “Fair enough. Just remind me the next time you come over.” Leia winked at Rey, which made Ben scowl.

            Rey laughed, that beautiful, tinkling, angelic laugh, and Ben sighed, releasing the tension in his shoulders.

            “Don’t be mad, _little Starfighter_ ,” Rey murmured by his ear.

            That only made Ben groan. He threw his mother an astonished, pleading look that very clearly said ‘please, no more. This is the only girl I’ve really cared about and I can’t handle much more embarrassment in front of her.’

            Leia shrugged innocently. “Oh, that wasn’t me. You can take your grievances to your Uncle Lando for that one.”

            Ben shot Rey a look. “Have you been talking to _everyone_?”

            She grinned wolfishly and kissed the tip of his nose. She knew he couldn’t be mad at her, not really. He could fake it as much as he wanted, but he loved her too much to be mad over this.

            “Just…gathering information that may be valuable one day,” she replied sweetly.

            “Speaking of,” Leia piped up, “you should know, he was an almost 10 pound baby. 9 pounds, 7 ounces. So…be prepared for that, because I sure as hell wasn’t.”

            On that picturesque note, she left the room, knowing damn well the kind of eerie, imaginative horror she’d left in her wake.

            After a moment of silence, Rey blew air out of her mouth with a loud noise. It made a piece of her hair float up above her head before drifting back down to frame her face.

            “We don’t have to have babies _right_ away…” she offered in a stilted voice.

            “We definitely don’t,” Ben agreed quickly.

            “Yep.”

            “Yeah.”

            Rey looked up at him, inspecting his handsome profile. She grinned.

            “But if we do…I sure hope they get your ears.” She tugged playfully on his earlobe.

            Ben’s face quickly went bright red, along with the tips of said ears. He cleared his throat awkwardly, as if that would make it go away. He squeezed his eyes shut and screwed up his face, like he was trying to force the heat to dissipate by sheer will and strength alone. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

            He released everything with a great breath and looked down at her, pleading.

            “Can we just…?”

            “Yes, I’m done, I’ll stop. I promise.” Rey chuckled.

            “Really? You promise you’re done?”

            “Yes…for now.”

            Ben grinned and put his arm around her, taking comfort in the feeling of her body next to his.

            “There it is."


	29. Yellow Brick Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with recreational marijuana use.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/169016098707/introducing-stonedben-super-short-sweet)

**Prompt: "What if Kylo is a really happy high? Smoke him up and he's really sweet." - user[@theramsatanas](http://theramsatanas.tumblr.com/)**

“Whoa, what the—?”

           Rey wrinkled her nose as she got further down the dormitory hallway. The unmistakable pungent scent was wafting in slow, undulating curls of smoke out of the door at the end of the hall: Ben and Poe’s room. She knew Poe to regularly light up a joint, but she also knew he was away for the weekend. Curious, she knocked on the door and pushed it open all the way to find Ben sitting on a beanbag chair, a variety of snacks splayed out before him, and a video game controller in his hands. He turned his shaggy head towards her, his eyes bloodshot and roaming.  

           “Oh, shit.” Quickly, he threw a nearby pillow over his bong, which was only a partially successful cover-up. He gave her his best innocent smile. “Hi, um, how are you today?”

           Rey squinted, barely hiding the obvious humour she was getting out of the situation. “I didn’t know you smoke,” she observed simply.

           “Yeah, well, not often, but…things have been stressful lately,” He cleared his throat loudly and offered her a half-empty chip bag. “Snack?”

           She hesitated for a moment before pulling up some floor beside him. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and a light shadow of pink coloured his face. It amused Rey because she didn’t really mind if anyone smoked pot, as long as they didn’t try to force her into doing it, too. She had been friends with Poe long before she knew Ben, and she had been able to accept his habits just fine. But Ben was different. He was a lot more reserved than Poe, firstly. Rey barely heard him say more than five words in the first two years she knew him. He always looked distant and brooding and she had often wondered why. Poe had said vaguely that he had some family trouble in the past, but that was all. So to Rey, Ben was simply the quiet, intelligent one with a dark edge. He was certainly not a textbook hungry stoner with an affinity for war games.

           “You can keep smoking, if you like,” Rey said politely. “Don’t feel you have to stop on my account.”

           “No, I’m alright,” Ben said dismissively, eyeing the bong shrouded by the pillow. “The urge has very quickly left my body…”

           “If you say so. Do you mind if I hang out here with you a while? I need to destress and if I go back into my room that’s just not going to be possible.”

           Ben shrugged, but eagerly responded, “Sure you can. What should we do?”

           “We could watch a movie,” Rey suggested, idly perusing the boys’ grand stack of DVDs.

           “And cuddle?” Ben asked.

           Rey gave him a puzzled look. “What? You want…to cuddle?”

           “Yeah, I…um. I just get cuddly when I’m high. But that was probably really inappropriate to ask like that…it just came out, I’m sorry.”

           “No, it’s fine,” Rey excused with a chuckle. “We can cuddle if you like.”

           Ben narrowed his eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have chip dust on my face?”

           “No. This is just a side of you I never knew existed.”

           “And? What do you think?”

           “It’s certainly entertaining,”

           “Much obliged. Entertaining you is the highest honour, madam.” He gave a dramatic bow.

           Rey laughed again, like the tinkling of bells in a warm breeze. “Oh, I like high Ben. He’s sweet.”

           “You do? I am? I mean…that’s absolutely what I was going for.”

           Rey rolled her eyes comically. “Just pick a movie, you giant dolt.”

           He chose a copy of  _The Wizard of Oz_. They shared the beanbag and the chips. After Ben got up the courage to smoke another bowl (around the time when the Munchkins were singing about the yellow brick road), he casually slipped his arm over Rey’s shoulders. The warm, gentle weight surprised her only a little, but felt strangely comforting. Gladly, she leaned into his side, hearing his heart thud against her ear. As Dorothy continued on her twisted adventure, Ben absentmindedly twirled Rey’s hair around his finger.

And when the movie was over, neither wanted to be the first to move.


	30. Dazed and Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with recreational marijuana use.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/170082570552/to-the-nonnie-who-asked-for-more-stonedkylo-here)

**Prompt: more stoned kylo - anonymous**

 “Poe, I’m really not sure this is a good idea. What if we get caught?”

           “I’m telling you, Rey, no one goes out there but me and my friends. It’s an abandoned railroad and stationhouse. The only other living things out there are bugs and rodents, probably.”

           Rey chewed her bottom lip anxiously, but took her friend’s word for it and got into his car.  _You better not get me into trouble again, Dameron…_

           The wind through the open window tossed Rey’s shoulder-length hair across her face. It tickled her nose and tangled in her eyelashes, and she was constantly brushing it back with her fingers, but she couldn’t help the smile it put on her face. The air smelled like distant campfire and roadside flowers, awakening her senses to the vast stretch of earth all around her. Long swaths of grassy fields and crops seemed to go on forever, or at least all the way to the horizon, creating a beautiful natural patchwork quilt. She straightened her heart-shaped sunglasses and leaned back into the leather seat. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, meeting Poe’s stoner friends out at their hangout spot. Maybe…but it probably wouldn’t be great, either.

           When they arrived, she was careful to follow a few paces behind Poe, hoping he would make all the introductions for her. But when they crossed the overgrown railroad track and entered the yard of the old, ramshackle stationhouse, there was only one other person there. A boy, closer in age to Poe than Rey, sitting on the hood of an old truck without wheels, wearing grey pants and an oversized black hoodie. His dark hair fell in his face and he was twisting something with great care between his fingers. He didn’t even appear to notice the two of them approaching until Poe stepped on a twig and it cracked under his weight.

           The boy’s head shot up in alarm, his hands falling into his lap, clearly in an effort to hide whatever they were holding on to. But when his deep brown eyes fell on the pair of them he relaxed and resumed what he had been doing, pulling an orange Bic lighter from his hoodie pocket and sparking up the joint he had been rolling.

           “We’re just in time!” Poe exclaimed, striding up to the boy and plucking the smoking joint from his lips to replace it between his own. “You don’t mind, do you, Crylo?”

           The boy rolled his eyes. “No, but I would like you to learn how to roll your own damn joints one of these days,” he mumbled.

           “Now why would I do that when you do such a good job?” Poe retorted, coughing lightly as he passed it back.

           The boy slipped it between his full lips and took a pull, letting the smoke escape out of the sides of his mouth. His dark eyes fell on Rey then, roaming up and down her body as if he had only just noticed her standing there. She fidgeted a little in discomfort, pushing one side of her hair back behind her ear. She stared straight back at him, though, unwavering.

           “Who’s this?” the boy asked curiously.

           “Oh! This is my friend Rey. Rey, meet Kylo.” Poe gestured a lazy hand at the two of them, then attempted to swipe the joint from Kylo’s mouth again. Kylo waved him away as though he was swatting a persistent fly.

           “Hello,” Kylo said with a small crooked smile. His words were muffled by the joint still smoking out of his mouth. “You’re on the senior dance team, aren’t you?”

           “Uh—”

           Poe interrupted her before she could form a coherent response. “Yeah, and on the gymnastics team, and she’s a black belt in karate, so you might want to keep a healthy distance. She’ll straight-up gracefully kill you, man.”

           Kylo’s smile broadened. He relented and gave Poe the joint, but didn’t take his eyes off of Rey. “That’s good to know,” was all he said.

           Poe coughed sharply and offered Rey the joint. “Do you wanna try?” he asked.

           Rey stared at it uncertainly. The smoke from its tip wafted up her nose and stung, making her pinch her face up.

           “I don’t know…” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself. “That stuff stinks. I have to go home to my parents after this.”

           “That’s why we’re outside!” Poe explained. “You stay out here for a bit and air out. When you get home you’ll just smell like fresh air and roses, I promise.”

           Kylo stared at her with a keen interest the entire time, resting an elbow on his cocked knee. She could feel him watching her, and her eyes darted over to him behind her sunglasses more than once. That lopsided smile still hadn’t disappeared from his face. There was something about it, something in the way he was looking at her, that pushed her to reach out and take the joint from Poe’s fingers. She paused before lifting it to her lips, but she told herself not to overthink it and before she knew it she was coughing on the smoke and passing it back to Poe, who handed it off to Kylo. Her lungs and throat burnt painfully, but only for a few minutes. The next time the joint was passed to her, it didn’t hurt as much, but she still coughed and sputtered. Then, when it was done, she felt nothing. She felt no different. She stared perplexedly at the two boys.

           “Ah, look at her,” Poe mused, leaning over to Kylo but speaking loud enough for her to hear. “It hasn’t hit her yet.”

           “It’ll come, sweetheart,” Kylo said leisurely, leaning back against the cracked windshield of the truck and slipping his hands behind his head. “You just gotta relax.”

           She took a seat in the grass next to Poe and took a deep breath. Carefully, she began to pluck out individual blades of grass, counting them as she went. She got to fifteen before she realized she had forgotten what she was counting in the first place. Had her mind completely separated from her body, creating two entirely distinct entities? It felt like it. And, oh, god, she couldn’t feel her feet! – Oh, yes she could. She was just sitting cross-legged was all. At a snail’s pace, she straightened her legs. The grass tickled the bare skin not covered by her shorts, like thousands of tiny, stiff feathers.

           “How you doing now?” Poe’s elbow against her side made Rey gasp. For a second she had forgotten she wasn’t alone.

           When she raised her head both boys were looking at her with smug curiosity. Kylo was sitting up again, leaning over and looking down at her. Her mouth felt impossibly dry.

           “Um, do either of you have any water?” she asked somewhat awkwardly.

           Kylo laughed loudly. It would almost be an obnoxious laugh, if it wasn’t so pleasing to listen to. Rey furrowed her brow at him. Frankly, she didn’t think her request was that funny. Before she could reprimand him, though, he slid off the side of the hood and bent down, picking something up. When he came around the front of the car, Rey saw it was a plastic water bottle. He crouched down and handed it to her. She took it without saying anything. He was still grinning at her a little, and it felt like his eyes were cutting straight through her. She swallowed nervously and he stood up, walking away from her again.

           Rey drank long and deep from the water bottle, finishing nearly half of it herself. She wiped her mouth unceremoniously with the back of her hand.

           Poe’s phone buzzed and wailed loudly in his pants pocket. He dug it out and glanced at the screen, sighing before standing up and grasping his car keys in his fist. Rey stood too, panic swelling in her chest at the sight of her friend leaving.

           “What’s going on?” she asked nervously.

           “Fire call,” Poe explained briefly. He was on the volunteer fire department, of which his mother was the Captain.

           “What?” Rey demanded. “Well, do I come with you, or…?”

           “No, you can stay here with Kylo. He’ll take care of you, won’t you bud?” He tossed Kylo a wink as his car roared to life.

           “But…” Rey began.

           “I won’t be long,” Poe said. “It’s just alarms at a residence. If I know anything about this town, it’s probably just someone who forgot their fucking grilled cheese on the stove again. I’ll be back soon, I promise. If you want to go home, Kylo can give you a ride.”

           Poe gestured to a mean-looking motorcycle parked around the side of the stationhouse. Rey didn’t get any more chances to protest before he was gone, his tires kicking up clouds of dust as they hit the dirt road headed back into town.

           “Well,” Rey said softly, her shoulders slackening.

           “Then there were two, eh?” Kylo said, taking up his perch atop the old truck once again. This time, he patted the space next to him. “It’s okay, I don’t bite.”

           Rey sighed but sat next to him anyway. For some reason she actually felt quite comfortable. Kylo reclined next to her, settling against the windshield and closing his eyes.

           “Aren’t you afraid that’s going to shatter?” Rey asked.

           He opened one eye to peer at her. “Nah.”

           She shrugged and copied him, folding her hands atop her stomach. The sky was a deep blue, littered with dozens of white, puffy clouds. She smiled wide and found that she couldn’t stop smiling.

           “So?” Kylo asked, rolling his head to the side so he saw her better.

           Rey blinked at him, still grinning. “So what?”

           Kylo chuckled. “Everything kinda funny to you right now?”

           “Ha, yeah,” Rey giggled. “Your hair’s kinda funny to me.”

           “What? Oh, you wound me, Rey.”

           “It’s so…fluffy,” she commented, daring to reach out and touch a lock of his dark hair. It was softer than she expected.

           He raised his eyebrows at her. “Yeah? Well, your hair is…it’s—it looks nice. Your hair is nice.”

           A sharp laugh bubbled from her lips. “That’s all you’ve got? My hair is ‘nice’?”

           “Mm, is that not what you wanted to hear, sweet pea?” He turned on his side and she mirrored him. “What adjective would you prefer? Beautiful? Greasy? Aggressive?”

           Rey laughed. “Nice is fine.”

           “Well, then.” Kylo smiled charmingly at her.

           “How come I’ve never seen you before?” Rey asked curiously. She had searched the far reaches of her memory and couldn’t recall seeing him around school ever. And she was quite certain she would remember a face like his.

           “I was home-schooled,” Kylo answered. “But I finished that chapter a couple years ago.”

           “Oh,” Rey said softly. “What was that like?”

           “Lonely. And boring. My teachers were the worst.” He winked.

           Rey gave him a smile in return for his joke. She then directed her attention to the hood of the truck, where her fingers were dancing in nonsensical shapes. The paint of the truck had almost completely worn away, but here and there a patch of deep blue remained, just to prove that it had at one time been a real, live machine. The metal and remaining paint made for an odd texture; having been aged by weather and time, it felt oddly rough and bumpy in some spots and smoother in others. This was quite the sensation to Rey, having just smoked her first joint.

           “So weird…” she said quietly, more to herself than to Kylo.

           Kylo smirked. “If you think that feels weird, then…” He reached behind him, plucking one of the long, overgrown blades of grass by the side of the truck. “Check this out.”

           He tickled her forearm with the grass. She jumped and gasped, watching as the hairs on her arm slowly stood at attention. It was like she could feel each and every one of the hairs individually; each response to the stimuli felt like its own minute electric shock that raced downwards from her elbow to her wrist.

           “Whoa…” she breathed, twisting her arm this way and that, watching as the sun caught the light hairs and made them shine gold.

           “Pretty funky, huh?” Kylo said, discarding the blade of grass.

           “Yeah…what else feels weird when you’re high?” she asked excitedly.

           “All kinds of stuff,” Kylo said with a laugh. “Some stuff feels really good, too. Like eating. Eating is incredible. But I don’t have any food here.”

           “Hm, what else?”

           “Laughing, um, sleeping,” Ben squinted as he tried to come up with more answers. “Sex is pretty great, uh, smoking  _more_ …”

           “Let’s do that,” Rey said, sitting up.

Kylo blinked. “W-what? Do…what?”

“Smoke,” Rey answered bluntly, blissfully unaware of how he could have possibly misunderstood her. “Do you have more?”

 Kylo released that breath he’d been holding and laughed, somewhat nervously. “Do I have more…of course I do.”

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his hoodie pocket. It was only half-full of cigarettes; the rest of the carton boasted a row of neatly rolled joints in green and yellow-striped papers. He took one out and sparked it with his lighter. The end burnt a vivid red-orange and white smoke curled up into the air, swiftly getting carried away by the breeze. When he stopped inhaling, some of the smoke curled up over his top lip and back into his nostrils. Rey watched this trick with fascination. His eyes were downcast as he did it, those long, dark eyelashes almost brushing the very tops of his freckled cheekbones. Something about it made her realize something. She had only acknowledged it in the most formal of terms, in the back of her mind up until that point. But now she thought it quite consciously.  _He’s kind-of very handsome. And charming._

He passed it to her and she grasped it gently between her thumb and index finger. The smoke didn’t burn at all that time, but it did taste funny. Like lemongrass and something else, something more earthy and raw. She licked her lips, but the taste was fading.

They finished the joint together, and as they got closer to the end their conversation picked up. They talked about the sky and the clouds, and then they shared funny stories from their past, each trying to make the other laugh harder than before. When it was done and Kylo had put the darkened stub out on the side of the truck, they sat opposite one another and locked eyes. Ghosts of smiles danced on their lips still, and their sides still held the dull ache of laughter.

“Poe’s taking a while,” Rey said, tearing her eyes away to look at the horizon where his car had disappeared some time ago. It felt like hours to Rey.

“Yeah,” Kylo agreed. “He is.”

“I don’t mind, though,” she said, returning her attentions to him with fondness. “I’m having fun with you, Kylo.”

“Yeah? I’m having fun with you too, Rey.”

“Kylo’s kind of a weird name,” she pondered aloud.

“Ouch, what’s with all the insults?” Kylo asked harmlessly. “To that I say, you have a weird accent.”

“Oh, do I?” Rey lifted a daring eyebrow.

Kylo’s expression softened. “No. I could probably listen to you talk all day, to be honest with you.”

“You like it, then?”

“Yeah, I like it.”

“Well, I like you. Even though I never met you before today.”

Kylo’s lips twitched into a coy smile.

Rey couldn’t tell, but she was quite sure they were slowly moving closer to one another. His knees brushed against hers. Yes, they were definitely getting closer. She stared into those brown eyes of his and felt like she was falling straight through them, swimming in their depths. She couldn’t tell if it was the weed, or if it was just Kylo, or a combination of both, but she was completely entranced. All she could see, all she could hear, and all she could focus on was him. His closeness, the woodsy smell of him, just… _him_ , inches away from  _her_.

“Kylo?”

“Hmm?”

“How does kissing feel when you’re high?”

Kylo blinked and swallowed. “Pretty good. If it’s with the right person.”

“Mm. I feel like…rather, I  _think_  that—” Rey was mentally chastising herself for even bothering to explain herself instead of just going for it. Her words got all tangled on her tongue and she couldn’t make any sense of them as they came out. But she didn’t have to worry about it for long.

Kylo took her face in his hands and kissed her softly. His lips were warm and soft against her own. Such a simple touch, but it lit a fire in Rey’s belly. The sensation of his intimacy raced through her nervous system, setting her brain into overdrive. When they parted she could hear her heart racing in her ears; it felt like parts of her she had never known to exist had suddenly been activated and were whirring to life within her. Eager to regain the feeling, she kissed him again with more urgency. Their lips moved against one another in pleasant unison.

Kylo’s fingers wrapped themselves in the hairs at the back of Rey’s head and her own hand gripped the side of his body tightly, pulling him over to her. He finally relented and leaned over her, cradling her against him and the hood of the truck, slipping his left leg in between hers. His jeans were rough on her bare legs and she shivered at the sensation. Neither of them had the time nor the care to acknowledge that they were making out with a person who was still somewhat of a stranger. It didn’t matter. It was harmless, as far as either of them were concerned, and besides that, it felt incredible.

They were interrupted then by the rumble of a car engine getting closer, crunching over gravel. Kylo pulled away and looked at her through dreamy eyes, his face now holding more colour than before.

“Poe,” he said breathlessly.

“Oh…” Rey sighed, resting her head back against the windshield with resignation. She had forgotten about Poe for a minute there. “Are you sure it’s him?”

“Yeah, I’d recognize that exhaust anywhere,” Kylo confirmed, sitting up and getting out his cigarette pack again. “Better get one of these going before he gets here if we want to have any.”

Rey giggled, sitting up next to him. She covered her face with her hands, rubbing her cheeks. She could feel the heat coming from her skin there. Hopefully her blush wasn’t too noticeable and Poe wouldn’t even see it. She didn’t feel like having to explain that one to him.

The silence swelled in their ears as Poe parked and cut his engine off. His door creaked as he shut it and walked over to them, grinning.

“Hey! You’re still here! Congrats, for lasting a full forty-five minutes with this jerk-off. Gimme a puff off that, would ya?”

Kylo smirked, shooting a glance at Rey as if to say “See? Told you so.” He passed the smouldering joint off to Poe who took a long, heavy pull off it.

“Forty-five minutes?” Rey asked, stunned.

“Yeah, how long did you think I was gone for?” Poe asked, his voice strained as he withheld the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could before exhaling.

“Hours,” Rey answered quietly.

Poe laughed heartily. “Aw, you’re stoned. That’s cute.”

Rey rolled her eyes and took a puff off the joint for herself. When she passed it over to Kylo, their fingers brushed together and they shared a look, simply allowing the other to know that neither of them had forgotten about what just happened, and neither of them would forget any time soon. Rey smiled secretively and reclined again, looking up at the clouds as they passed overhead. A warm sensation of contentment and happiness radiated out from her, all the way to the tips of her fingers and down to her toes. She knew it wasn’t the weed making her feel that way, though. It was  _someone_ else entirely.


	31. Padme

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/169122219007/reylo-promt-rey-wakes-up-to-meet-bens-eyes-and)

**Prompt: "Rey wakes up to meet Ben's eyes and they look at their daughter or son and just fluff" - Anonymous**

The Millennium Falcon had not been parked in the ship hangar for more than two minutes when its captain flew out of it, a look of panicked excitement on his freckled face. His dark hair was in a messy disarray and he was still clad in his battle gear, complete with a fully-loaded holster belt. He had just arrived back from defending a Rebel base camp against the First Order, and the thrill of doing battle in a ship that could move as fast as Kylo wanted it to still remained in his body. The deep brown eyes which were set into the pale, intriguing face dashed this way and that, alight with nervous energy.

               “Sir, you’re late,” C-3P0 quipped, waving one of his bent golden arms tauntingly at Kylo Ren.

               “Yeah, I  _know_  that, 3P0. Things took a little longer to take care of than I thought,” Kylo shot back, walking right past the communications droid before pausing and swivelling around on his heel. “Exactly how late am I, by chance?”

               If 3P0 was capable of smiling, he would have done so just then. The young General reminded him so much of his father some days.

               “Well if you have to ask…you have a daughter, sir. She’s in the room with her mother—”

               Kylo was off before 3P0 could finish, racing as fast as he could down the slick hallway floors.  _A daughter!_  He thought to himself with joy the likes of which he never knew before.  _I have a daughter!_   As he turned a sharp corner he skidded into it, nearly missing the turn. When he finally found the room he grabbed the door frame to steady himself, the inertia of his race still wanting to carry his body forward.

               The high-ceilinged bedroom was filled with soft lavender light, the sun being diffused by the thin curtains pulled over the windows. There, sleeping peacefully on the bed with her face turned away from the door, was Rey. His wife; the only person in the galaxy that he would gladly die for. That is, until he had a daughter. Now there were two people in his life he would sacrifice everything for if he had to. He walked up to her quietly, entranced by the slow rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes twitched behind closed lids, watching some dreamscape only visible to her. He placed a gentle kiss atop her forehead where her hair still clung to the remaining sweat of exertion. He brushed it away with a gloved finger.

               A noise, soft and gentle like the whisper of feathered wings, made him turn away from her. A white crib fit for a princess, the one he had built with his own two hands and lots of frustration, was pushed up against Rey’s bed. He hadn’t even noticed it at first, being too distracted by the sleeping form of his wife. Carefully, he walked around the bed and peered into the crib. There, nestled amongst a soft pink blanket with a handmade Resistance pilot toy propped up next to her head, was a tiny, pink-faced baby.  _My baby…_

               She had soft wisps of brown hair atop the gentle curve of her head and a tiny button nose that already looked a lot like her mother’s. Her full, pink lips worked in and out, puckering and opening in a wide, toothless yawn. She had long, dark eyelashes that fluttered as she stirred, and when she opened her eyes to reveal two curious orbs, a swell of emotion erupted in Kylo’s chest. Her eyes were the customary dark blue of any newborn human, but they had the same slope as his. She even had his ears; they stuck out in an adorable fashion, clean and pink and new.

               Her little hands clenched into fists and she shook them above her head, whimpering with the struggle of waking up. Kylo cooed at her softly, wasting no more time. He removed both of his gloves, reached into the crib and, carefully cradling her tiny head in the palm of his hand, picked her up, blanket and all. She was warm to the touch and made soft squeaking noises. Her eyes widened, adjusting to the new blurry sights before her. They roamed Kylo’s face as though taking inventory of every freckle and fine scar. Tears welled in his eyes. She was beautiful, and she was part of him and the woman he loved. Never before had he thought himself capable of making or doing anything great, until now. She was his greatest achievement, and always would be. He felt fiercely protective over her from the instant he saw her. The galaxy was not always a kind place, but he would keep her safe from the worst of it until he took his dying breath.

               “Hello, Padme,” he murmured, softly bouncing up and down as he cradled her to his chest. “I’m your dad. I’m probably not what you were expecting, huh? How could someone like me land someone like your mom, right?”

               Padme shook a tiny fist in the air and Kylo chuckled emotionally.

               “Yeah, right. But listen, I hope you can warm up to me. ‘Cause I’m going to love you from this day, until the end of days. You’re my girl, aren’t you? My beautiful baby girl…”

               The tiny little bundle shut her eyes and smiled, as if in peaceful agreement with her father.

               When Rey opened her eyes, it took her a second to clue in to what was going on around her. She saw the blurry outline of a figure swaying side-to-side by the window and instantly wanted to jump out of bed and go on the defensive, but once she blinked a couple times her heart soared instead. It was Kylo. He made it home. He had missed the birth of his daughter but he was here now, that was what mattered. Carefully, wincing at the gentle tug of sensitivity in her now empty womb, she sat up.

               “Kylo?”

               He turned around and instantly beamed at her, his face so full of love and happiness that Rey couldn’t help reflecting it on her own. He walked up to her and sat down on the bed beside her, carefully transferring the now sleeping babe into Rey’s arms. With delicate fingers, the new mother brushed the soft warm cheeks of her child.

               “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Rey whispered affectionately.

               “You both are,” Kylo said. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love with anyone or anything than I am right now.”

               “Oh, please,” Rey blushed, “I know I need a nice long bath.”

               “Maybe you do. But to me, you’re radiant as always. And I love you more than life itself. I’m so sorry I couldn’t have been here sooner…”

               “It’s okay, Ben. I love you too.”

               They kissed overtop of their sleeping daughter, the bite of passion still very much there, despite Rey’s exhaustion. They sat there for a while in silence, just the two of them, admiring every inch of Padme, from the tips of her ears to the nails on each tiny toe. More than once they counted: ten fingers, ten toes, one bellybutton, two eyes, a nose, two ears, a mouth. But they didn’t need to count. They both knew she was amazing in every respect; a perfect incarnation of both of her parents combined. The promise of discovering her personality, which was guaranteed to be fiery on the best of days, was exhilarating to the new parents.

               “Do you think we’ll do a good job as parents?” Rey asked after a bit, a tiny frown of uncertainty tugging at her lips.

               “Well, we didn’t exactly have the greatest role models to learn from,” Kylo admitted, “but I think—I  _know_  that we’ll do right by her. We can do this.”

               “You’re right, we can. Together.”

               And so they remained for the rest of the day, caught up in their familial bubble of happiness, taking care of each other and of the baby. And for all their concerns, they were pretty good at filling their new roles.


	32. It Feels Like Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to Chapter 23: "Say It With Roses." NSFW.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/176419578877/hi-i-dont-know-if-you-still-do-these-prompts)

**Prompt: "I found your Little Golden Book Of Reylo sex on AO3, and I had to send a prompt: Ben’s POV; watching Rey orgasm for the first time, and “God is a woman” plays in his head sort of situation." - user[@cloisismyfairytale ](http://cloisismyfairytale.tumblr.com/)**

“Come here, you little shit, or I swear to god I’ll neuter you myself!”

            Ben was chasing Bo all around his living room, trying to put the pup’s harness on, but Bo was having none of it. Instead, he wanted to make a game of things. So he looped around the living room, projecting himself like a missile off the backs of the couch and chairs, then launching himself halfway across the living room and taking off on foot to the kitchen, circling around the table, weaving through the chair legs, and tearing around the island. Then, he’d do it all over again. And all the while, Ben followed, lunging and grabbing and nearly falling over. He sent the book he’d been reading flying off the coffee table.

            This went on for a good two minutes before Ben got the best of the dog. Bo had a surprising amount of energy, but even he was beginning to tucker out. His pink tongue lolled out the side of his mouth, a little bead of drool gathering at its tip. His spotted tail was a blur as it whipped back and forth in pure, unrestrained joy, the kind only puppies and little kids can experience. Ben wasn’t a puppy though, and he didn’t have the same kind of energy, so he got fed up with the whole charade really quick. He waited until Bo went around the island, and then he surprised him at the other side. He’d tried this twice already to no avail – the puppy was slippery. But this time, he succeeded, and he held onto that dog for dear life.

            “Yes!” Ben shouted. “Yes! I got you, you little bastard! You motherfucker! _I got you_!”

            Bo let him have his victory. He relaxed in Ben’s arms and licked the hands that held him. Then he allowed Ben to slip his harness on, without moving at all.

            “I’m sorry,” Ben muttered after clicking it into place. “I shouldn’t have called you a motherfucker. You’re a good boy. Jeez, you’re panting pretty hard, huh? I bet you’d like some water.”

            Ben walked to the kitchen sink and refilled the little aluminum bowl he’d been using as Bo’s water dish for the last week. Then he went so far as to bring the water to the dog, who was seated and waiting by the door. Bo lapped it up gratefully, splashing the water all over Ben’s front mat. But Ben didn’t care. Because somewhere, deep inside himself, hidden away and repressed like a naughty secret, Ben liked that dog a lot.

            He scratched behind Bo’s ears as the dog drank. Its stubby little tail flicked in response.

            “Yeah, I don’t want you looking like a parched puppy when I take you back to your mother,” Ben explained softly. “She’d kill me, wouldn’t she?”

            Ah, yes, Bo’s mother. Rey. Ben’s insanely attractive next-door neighbour.

            She’d moved in eight months ago. Things had started off a little rocky, to say the least, but they’d quickly moved past it. They got along great now. Ben had even gone over to her place for supper twice, and she had come to his once, because it had been too hot out to cook indoors and Ben had a barbecue. They had over-the-fence chats, and Ben had given Rey lots of advice about planting a garden. In return, Rey had given Ben a billion and one reasons to develop a crush on her. So, of course, he had done just that.

            He wasn’t even sure why he agreed to puppy-sit Bo while Rey was away in England, celebrating a friend’s wedding. She had just asked one day, and she had had a nervous smile on her face as she did it, like she felt awkward asking him this favour, and he didn’t want her to feel awkward asking him for anything. So he blurted out yes before he even knew he was talking. He instantly regretted it, but then she had heaved this great sigh of relief and proclaimed her thankfulness, because she had looked and looked and _no one else_ would take him, and all the kennels were too expensive. Then Ben didn’t regret it so much anymore.

            Truth be told, he’d had a great week with Bo. The first couple nights were a little rough. Bo cried when Ben would put him in his kennel for the night. The first night he whined and cried for almost an hour before he fell asleep. The second night it went on for longer than that, and he kept rattling the kennel door, and Ben felt awful about it, so he let the dog sleep with him in his bed. Bo had settled down right next to Ben’s waist and didn’t make a peep for the rest of the night.

            Ben felt like he had bonded with Bo. And maybe if he could bond with a girl’s dog, he could bond with the girl, too.

            “C’mon, I think I hear a taxi out front.” Ben clipped Bo’s leash onto the harness and in the blink of an eye, Bo was at the front door, tail wagging, ready to go.

            There was in fact a taxi out front. A lovely brunette, with her hair pulled back in a bun, was getting her suitcase out of the trunk. As soon as Bo saw her he howled, tugging on the leash until he was nearly choking himself with the effort, his tiny paws scraping and clawing their way down the front walk. To help him out, Ben picked up the pace a bit.

            “Bo!” Rey screamed, doing a little jump of happiness before scooping the wiggling pup up off the ground. Bo proceeded to furiously lick her face.

            Rey paid the cab driver and snuggled her dog for a brief moment before turning her eyes to Ben, who was standing somewhat off to the side, looking about as awkward as he felt.

            “Hi,” Rey greeted shyly, flashing him a brilliant smile.

            “Hi,” Ben repeated, scratching behind his left ear. It wasn’t itchy there.

            Rey set Bo down on the ground and opened her arms. “May I?”

            “Must you?”

            “Yes.”

            “Then I guess I’ll allow it.”

            Rey chuckled as she walked into Ben’s arms. She felt so warm against him. She smelled of travel; of airplanes and airports, but also of fresh air and coffee. He enjoyed every second of their embrace, but he didn’t let it show too much on his face.

            “How was your flight?”

            “Long and exhausting,” Rey replied as she began to roll her suitcase up her cobblestone walkway. “Ask me how my trip was.”

            “Uh, okay. How was your trip?”

            She spun around to face him, eyes wide and grin bright.

“Amazing!” she crooned. “Ugh, you never realize how much you miss a place until you’re gone for over a year.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Ben replied cordially. “I take it the wedding was good too?”

“Yes, from what I remember of it, it was beautiful.” Rey answered cheekily.

“Good.”

“And how was Bo?” she asked, looking fondly down at her dog.

“He was good,” Ben said with a shrug. “We made some memories, you know. We shot some pool, played some hoops, got high and watched Planet Earth…I just think we really bonded this week.”

Rey laughed, and Ben was delighted to know he’d been the cause of it.

“Maybe he’ll have to come over more often then,” Rey smirked.

“Now, now. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I think he laid enough dumps in my backyard to kill my grass in one corner for good.”

“Ah, yes. Dogs will do that.”

“I suppose they will.”

The two stood in silence for a beat. Ben rocked on his heels and Rey fiddled with her keys. They both could tell there was something the other person was either waiting to say, or waiting to hear.

They both ended up breaking the silence at the same time.

“Well I should head back over—” Ben said.

“Would you like to stay for supper—?” Rey said.

“Sorry, you go first.”

“Oh! Sorry, you go—”

They stopped, laughed. Shook their heads.

“That felt really cliché,” Rey chuckled, slipping her index finger through her key ring. “Didn’t it?”

“It did. Um, what were you saying, before?” Ben had to make some serious effort to keep his excitement from showing in his voice.

“Hm? Oh! Well, I—I just thought, you know, since you did this awesome favour for me this week, and I know you won’t take cash from me, I could order us some food, make us some drinks…only if you want to.” Rey ran a distracted hand through her hair, tucking a stray piece behind her ear. Ben watched her do these simple movements with utter fascination. Her gaze kept flicking up to him and then darting away, unable to meet his eyes for longer than a second.

And, was he mistaken, or was she _blushing?_

He smiled. Something warm and new spread out from his chest and made his legs feel like they didn’t belong to him.

“That sounds great,” Ben agreed. “I’d really like that.”

Rey’s face brightened instantly. She stood up a little straighter.

“Good! Want to come over in an hour? I just need to shower; get this airplane stench off of me. Maybe, in the meantime, you could make us those sangrias you made last time…?”

Ben chuckled. “Yes, I can do that.” She really did like that sangria.

“Yes!” she said. “I’ve been craving those for a week.”

“What if they’re not as good as you remember?”

“They will be. See you in an hour?”

“An hour.”

 

Ben finished making the sangria in about five minutes. Then he put it in the fridge to chill and spent the better part of the hour pacing around his house, brushing his hair, putting on extra deodorant (he suddenly couldn’t remember if he’d put any on that morning). He even changed his clothes, opting for a simple black t-shirt and dark-wash jeans.

An hour passed, but he felt he should maybe wait it out an extra ten minutes, so he wouldn’t appear too eager. _God, what is wrong with me?_ He asked himself, running his hands through his hair. _Why is this such a big deal? Just go over. There’s no way she’s watching the clock too._

She had been, though; meticulously checking it every ten minutes, then every five minutes, and then every two minutes.

Ben knocked on her door with his jug of sangria at ten past seven. He could hear the sound of her feet running fast across the hardwood floors to the door. He had to bite back a grin.

The door swung open wide and there she was, hair still wet from the shower, curling in soft tendrils around her shoulders. She was wearing a crimson sundress now, which, although it had a higher neckline and went down to her ankles, it clung tight to her figure and had a slit partway up the right side. Ben couldn’t stop himself from staring if he tried. He felt a sudden, strong urge to dump the sangria onto his head to cool off. Thankfully, he resisted.

“Hi again!” Rey chirped. “Come on in!”

“Thanks,” Ben crossed the threshold into her house. It always smelled of cinnamon apple in the entryway. Now every time Ben smelled cinnamon apple, he thought only of Rey.

“I brought the sangria,” he said, holding the jug aloft so she could see the dark red liquid inside, with the fruit making a lovely stained crown on top.

“You’re my hero,” Rey crooned dramatically, with a flourish of her hand. “Bring it out back. I ordered from that barbecue place I was telling you about, with the really good Greek salad. It should be here any second, but in the meantime we can drink!”

“Sounds perfect.”

Ben followed Rey through her house to the patio doors at the back. Her house had a very rustic feel to it now, with mounted antlers, handsome cherry wood accents, warm tones painted on the walls…plus all of her photos and her art. It felt cozy. It felt like a place he could linger for a while.

Her backyard, on the other hand, was eclectic. Strings of lights were draped from the roof to the tree branches, all the way around. She had replaced much of the grass with large, flat pieces of stone, which fit together like a nonsensical puzzle. She had a little herb garden off to the side, growing in a raised wooden box. Then she had a variety of chairs – literally every single one was different, and looked like it came from a different place than the last – all set up in a semi-circle around a small fireplace. And behind the chairs, along the fence line, there were three lawn flamingos, staring into Ben’s soul.

She had a plastic table with a red tablecloth set up, along with two plates, two sets of silverware, and two glasses. The lights were lit, evening was settling in, and there was wood stacked up by the fireplace. It all looked kind of romantic. Ben’s heart hammered erratically in his chest. Was this a _date?_ Did she think it was? Should he think it was? Well shit, now he was going to think it was. What if she _didn’t_ think it was? Did that make him a presumptuous creep? _The fuck is wrong with me?_

Ben took to pouring their drinks to distract himself. He was just filling the second cup when the sound of the doorbell ringing greeted his ears.

“Ah, perfect timing,” Rey sighed. “I’ll be right back. You keep pouring.”

They tucked into their supper without hesitation, and it all tasted euphoric. The meat was seasoned perfectly, the veggies were so crisp and delicious. When Rey tasted Ben’s sangria for the first time she instantly broke out into a massive smile. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she hummed a lovely sigh. That made Ben feel really good.

He watched as she walked to the table, taking one more small serving of the salad. And again, he couldn’t help but stare. He could see the fair skin of her leg, peeking out from the slit in her dress, and he wanted so badly to hold that leg, and kiss it, past the knee and up, up, until—

She turned around to return to her seat and Ben ducked his head very quickly, trying to will the sudden heat he felt to leave his body. One hand reached to the underside of his left thigh and pinched.

_Say something, idiot. Do something. For fuck’s sake, now you just look stupid._

“You look really beautiful tonight.” The words just sort of slipped from his mouth and hung in the air between them, suspended there, having been heard but not responded to; each passing millisecond felt like an entire minute. It was absolute torture.

Rey paused, with a piece of lettuce trapped between her lips. She stared wide-eyed at him for a beat before her senses seemed to snap back to her and she quickly covered her mouth and chewed her food.

“Er, sorry?”

Ben cleared his throat. _Oh, fuck. I really have to say it again? Quick, what word could be mistaken as ‘beautiful’?_

Nope. He couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t slap him over a simple compliment, anyway. Would she?

“I-I said you look really beautiful tonight,” he repeated, mumbling the words a little.

“Oh,” Rey blushed and started to toy with her hair again. Just a little, though, then she seemed to catch herself. “Thank you. I, uh, bought the dress in London. Thought I’d give it a go. It’s not too…I mean, it doesn’t look…?”

“No, it looks incredible,” he said, his voice a firmer pitch now. His eyes were aglow in the fading light of evening; the tiny lights in the trees reflected in them like the stars themselves were trapped within his eyes. “ _You_ look incredible.”

She swallowed, never taking her eyes off him.

“Thank you.”

“Well,” Ben did not wish to sit in his embarrassment. “Do you need a refill? I do. And how ’bout that fire, huh?”

Rey wiggled her glass at him obligingly and winked.

He got the fire going and refilled their cups about four more times, and by that point they were starting to feel a little tipsy, a little more easygoing. Rey had put on music, and even turned in her chair to face Ben, so that her left knee was just touching his. He had leaned forward a little more, just to be closer to her. They talked about everything and anything. They both felt comfortable in the other’s presence. It was a strange thing, for two people so used to being alone to finally find joy in another’s company. Usually by this time Ben would be looking for any excuse to go home, having had enough of people for one day. But in that moment he just wanted to stay and look into her eyes forever, listen to her talk forever, feel her knee against his forever.

“How come you never have any lady friends over?” Rey asked suddenly, giving him a studious stare.

Ben smirked. “Do you monitor everyone that comes to my house or something?”

“No, there’s no point. No one ever comes to your house,” she fired back with a smart grin. “I just mean, I never see any ladies coming in or out of that house, at any hour of the day.”

Ben shrugged. “I just don’t have time right now,” It was a lie. He had time. _Plus I’m too socially awkward to ask out the one girl I’ve been seriously interested in in years._

“Well you should get on that,” Rey argued, sipping her drink. “I’m just saying. You’re a great neighbour, so I can only imagine you’d be a great boyfriend too.”

_Wouldn’t you like to know?_

“I’m really thankful you watched Bo this past week,” she went on, a little quieter. “Honestly I wouldn’t have wanted to trust him to anyone else.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Rey nodded. “Bo loves you.”

“Does he?” _What about his owner?_

“He does. Couldn’t you tell?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder if he didn’t get into your rose garden that day on purpose.” She quipped, raising a speculative eyebrow.

Ben tilted his head. “Why’s that?”

“Because, after it happened, whether I was angry, apologetic, offended or sympathetic, I wasn’t able to stop thinking about you. And for some reason, I still can’t.”

Ben gulped. He wanted to say a whole variety of things, anywhere from “thank you” to “me too”, but nothing came out. He just sat there and looked at her, somewhat in shock, because he had wondered about that but never knew for sure until now.

Rey finished her drink in a hurry and stood up, then frowned.

“We’re out of sangria,” she complained with a sigh. “I think I have some basic old wine in my fridge, if you’re interested?”

Ben nodded furtively. “Yes, I am.”

“I’ll be right back then.”

While she was gone, Ben allowed her words to run circles in his mind. He could hardly believe she had been thinking of him too, and he wondered if it was _completely_ mutual. Had she thought about him in all the ways he’d thought about her? Like that time he looked out his office window to see her doing yoga in her backyard, in black leggings and a purple sports bra, and later that night he’d—well, it wasn’t very gentlemanly, what he did, to say the least.

And if he didn’t speak up tonight, he’d be doing the same lonely thing later with the image of her in that red sundress.

She came back out holding a freshly-opened bottle of red wine and sipping at her full glass. Before he could even think, he was standing on two feet, looking at her like she created all the constellations in the sky.

Rey paused upon noticing him like this, and swallowed slowly.

“What’s up?” she asked, curious.

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He had never been very good with words. Actions, that was where he shined. _Go with that_ , he told himself.

“Do you wanna dance?” he asked stupidly.

Rey broke out in a smile and laughed. “Are you that drunk already?”

“No,” Ben replied. “Well, maybe. I’m not a very good dancer.”

“Neither am I,” Rey agreed, setting the wine and her glass down on the table. “Let’s give it a go, then. Could be funny, right?”

_Oh, yeah. Real funny._

Neither of them had laughed that hard or that much in a very long time. At first, Ben’s heart had jumped with the closeness of their bodies. Her right hand in his left, her left hand on his right shoulder. She would sway her hips side-to-side and he would be mesmerized by the movement, pretending like he was watching their feet when in reality he was only watching her. She was so beautiful and alluring, her skin so sun-kissed and firm, and once again he felt one of those very strong urges to taste her skin on his tongue, to lick her from navel to breast and back again, lower and lower still…

Their smiles slowly faded, and their eyes met and held on tight. The sun was completely gone, the only light coming from the strings in the trees and the quickly-dying fire. They both felt like they could stay in that moment forever, perpetually dancing to their own song, watching the way the orange glow played on the other’s face, casting beautiful shadows on tempting jawlines and the soft swell of eager mouths. They could stay like that forever, but they had other motives to chase.

Ben spun her out, away from himself whilst still holding her hand, and she followed the motion through with an airy giggle, stretching her arm out behind her before swirling back in to crash into his body, where his lips caught hers.

It felt like the entire universe came to a sudden, jarring halt, just for a second. They were both just suspended in time, unmoving, like a painting of two lovers. And then the dam broke, and the world came crashing back down around them, and Rey’s hands were suddenly fisting into Ben’s hair, and Ben was keeping her so close to him with both his hands on her back, feeling her body beneath the material of her dress. Their mouths worked in synchronicity, never straying for too long, addicted to the motion, and to the feeling of kissing one another. They had both wanted it for so long that to finally do it felt like the greatest high in the world.

Rey’s teeth nipped at Ben’s bottom lip. A quick and relatively painless gesture, it sent a sharp jolt through Ben’s body, like a minor electric shock. After that, everything intensified.

Ben opened his eyes for a moment, and he looked dazed, as though just coming out of a dream. But something glimmered within the depths of his pupils, and Rey saw it, and her thighs pressed tighter together of their own volition, desperate for some kind of relief from the intense, delirious heat gathering between them.

His hands were on either side of her face, fingers entangled in her hair and grazing the sides of her throat. His mouth was hot and earnest on hers, his lips coaxing hers apart, his tongue flicking against hers in a steady but furtive dance. Rey arched her back, pressing herself against him. He made a low growling sound deep within his chest and one hand slid downwards to squeeze her ass, to feel the softness of the material that clung so tightly to its delicious curve.

“Should we take this elsewhere…?” Rey asked breathlessly.

Ben shook his head. “Inside, outside, I don’t care. I need to have you right now.”

Rey couldn’t argue with that.

They stumbled their way inside the house, tripping over things and each other because they didn’t dare break physical contact.

They got as far as her kitchen table.

With his hands strategically placed on her buttocks, he hoisted her up onto the (hopefully) sturdy table. His mouth left the kind of heated, fervent kisses down her throat that one usually expects from a teenage boy, but they weren’t unpleasant in the least. Rey found herself tilting her head back, giving him more access as her eyes slowly closed.

His left hand slid up the side of her body, a firm pressure against her ribcage. Her entire breast fit in the palm of his hand with ease, and she found her breath catching in her throat. His touch was warm, and strong, and it felt like the only thing keeping her from floating away.

Her fingers took to his shirt, pulling it up until he had no choice but to allow her to take it off of him. Rey saw his bare torso and she was again reminded of that early morning when he had come knocking angrily upon her door with a dirt-covered puppy in his hands. She couldn’t help but smile.

But if Ben was getting naked, she had to do the same. He untied the strings that held her collar up and as they fell away so too did the fabric, unfurling to the top of her chest. Ben happily finished the job with a quick, hard tug, which brought the top of the dress down to her navel.

He could stare at her bare skin for hours. He could worship it each day if she let him. And he just needed to touch it, to kiss it, to feel it against himself, before he lost all control.

That being the case, he wasted no time taking the dress off of her completely, and the rest of his clothes were quick to follow. He kissed from her ankle to her inner thigh, reclining her completely onto the table, loving the way she was biting her own lip to keep quiet.

She tasted like spring, when the air is fresh and crisp and smells like life and renewal. She was slick and warm against his tongue and he wanted nothing more than to make her scream, or cry out his name. He _needed_ to hear it. He made it his mission. So he teased her with slow circles and quick flicks with the tip of his tongue; he traced wavy lines down and up until she was squirming beneath his hands, pushing herself closer to him, pleading with him not to stop. He could hear her breathing hard and fast as her pulse raced. _Almost…_

He worked his middle finger inside of her, gently accompanied by his index finger, and, after a few good thrusts accompanied by the delirious movement of his tongue, that did the trick. He felt her walls tighten, her back arched, and she made a beautiful sound of uninhibited pleasure, as her orgasm racked her body and made her thighs tremble.

Ben couldn’t take much more waiting himself. He didn’t even dare to touch his cock himself, lest it break him. He put his hands under her back and pulled her into a sitting position, sliding her towards the edge of the table; towards him, where she could feel his hardness against her, and acknowledge his desire. He sighed in blissful agony at the feeling of her.

“ _Please_ tell me you have condoms around here somewhere,” Ben moaned.

“Don’t need them,” Rey breathed, running her fingernails down his chest and stomach. “I’m on birth control; have been since I was eighteen and haven’t had one accident. Do you need to see my prescription?”

He shook his head and kissed her hard. “No time.”

“Good.”

Even Ben moaned as he slid inside of her, filling her with himself. He thought he might lose it right then and there, but he was far too determined to make her come with him. So he took it slow at first, allowing her to stretch, and breathe, and feel every inch of him inside of her. Her fingers were tangled in the hair at the base of his skull and he winced as she pulled on it, but not because he didn’t like it – quite the opposite, actually. She opened her eyes and looked at him through her eyelashes, her beautiful lips slightly parted, her body rocking in time with his.

And god, it just felt _so good_. Better than he could ever have imagined. He wanted to bury himself in her, over and over again; to feel her softness, her wetness, all around him, all the time. This felt like home, but better.

“Harder…” she panted, “please…”

He could do that.

For a minute it sounded like they might break the table. It creaked and rocked almost dangerously, but there were no snapping sounds, so it didn’t stop them at all. As Ben picked up the pace, Rey got louder and louder, and even when she sank her teeth into his shoulder, she couldn’t stop the moans that escaped her with each thrust.

“Ben… _Ben_ …” The sound of her voice saying his name had never been so sweet.

He could feel her heavenly constriction, the rush of her impending release, and her legs tightened around his hips as she felt a primal, urgent need to feel him lose himself within her. It all seemed to happen at once, and Ben’s left hand had to come away to brace himself against the table, lest they fall. She held him so tightly to her, like if she let go it would all have to be over, and she didn’t want it to end. He watched her face, and he admired the little divot between her eyebrows as they pulled together in concentration. Her mouth was open, but no words came out. Looking at her just then, in that one perfect moment, where she was hardly in control of herself, Ben realized what it was like to look into the face of a goddess. Never in his life would he be worthy of her, but he wanted to try. He wanted to be all hers and nothing else, for as long as he lived.

They stayed like that for a minute or two, catching their breath, letting their souls come back down into their bodies. The world seemed to piece itself back together around them. The clock started to tick again. The refrigerator hummed. Their minds still swam in dizzying circles, like the buffering of a video, trying to make sense of the incredible, mind-blowing thing that has just happened.

Rey ran her fingers delicately down the side of Ben’s face, reawakening him to her, and kissed him softly.

“Say you’ll stay. Please,” she whispered.

He nodded. It wasn’t even a question in his mind. “I’ll stay.”

She smiled peacefully.

They left their clothes on the floor, and Rey led him upstairs to her bedroom. Her bedding had roses on it, the colour of the ones in Ben’s garden. That was all he had time to notice, before all he could see was her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i had way too much fun with this. aklsdjdf  
> i hope you all enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.  
> also thank you for 100 kudos!!! that is so exciting omg you guys are the greatest, honestly. :')


	33. Just a Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i didn't edit this because it was 11 PM before i finished it. i apologize for my laziness in advance.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/176613146432/star-wars-au-rey-goes-undercover-to-seduces-kylo)

**Prompt: "Rey goes undercover to seduce Kylo Ren." - Anonymous**

The room was vast and sprawling; her footsteps echoed on the shiny red floor. It was intimidating. The entire room was red, the colour of blood, apart from a few black accents and one lone, tall black throne at the opposite end of the hall.

          That was where the Supreme Leader sat. That was where Rey was headed, carrying the sealed envelope upon a silver tray.

          He didn’t speak as she approached his throne, but neither did he take his eyes off of her. Those dark, perceptive eyes and their scorching gaze made her stomach twist. If she just kept her eyes downcast, away from his probing stare, she would be safe.

          She climbed the few steps to his throne, bowed low before him, and held the tray with the letter upon it out. She thought he would take it instantly and not think twice about it; she was wearing the servant garb, after all, and certainly that made her blend in with her surroundings?

          But he didn’t take it. Not immediately. The stretch of silence went on so long that Rey had no choice but to lift her gaze, where it instantly caught his. He had been watching her with a mixture of intrigue and intensity on his face, and the second she locked eyes with him, her entire body went cold.

          This was him. The Supreme Leader of the First Order. Potentially the deadliest, most dangerous man in the entire galaxy was but an arm’s reach away from her, and she didn’t dare blink, lest he took it as a challenge.

          Surprisingly even to her, her first thought was that he was not as scary-looking as she’d thought. In fact, he was roguishly handsome, with luscious dark curls that coiled around his strong jawline and the back of his neck. He wore all black, which only enhanced the light pallor of his skin tone. _He looks like his father,_ Rey thought chillingly. She felt a strange, intrinsic urge to smile, and greet him like she would an old friend. He just had that kind of face. But she bit her tongue and stood up straight.

          “Who are you?” he asked, eyes narrowed speculatively at her. “I’ve never seen you before.”

          “My name is Kira,” Rey said, her voice high and clear. “I just joined your service, Supreme Leader, and I am honoured to be here in your presence.”

          His lips quirked up in an almost-smile, like her words amused him on a level she didn’t quite understand. _That’s what they told me to say,_ she reassured herself. _Why does he look like he’s going to laugh in my face?_

          “Kira…” Although the name wasn’t really hers, when it was spoken by him, in that contemplative, intriguing tone, it made her wish it was.

          She swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

          “What attracted you to my employ?”

          _The idea of redeeming you attracted me here; of being the one to bring you back to your family. Maybe even the idea of killing you…maybe._ Rey almost huffed. She was getting tired of holding the tray out to him. And does he ask all his servants these questions, or just the ones he’s suspicious of?

          “I come from a long line of Dark Side supporters. My mother and father rallied for the Empire, even after its fall.” The words felt hollow on her tongue. She felt strange, speaking of a made-up family as if she had ever had one to know the difference.

          “I believe it is my turn to serve,” she continued, her voice steady. “And I am willing to do whatever is needed of me, if it should help us win this war.”

          Kylo Ren raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

          “Good answer.”

          He took the letter off the tray and began opening it. Rey bowed one more time and then she got the hell out of there.

**

          When Rey had agreed to this undercover mission, she hadn’t thought it would be so difficult. But this was easily the biggest challenge she’d faced in her life, and she’d been stuck on a ship with a bunch of Rathtars and angry gang members once.

          She had been stationed aboard the _Supremacy_ for nearly two weeks, and she’d only managed to get close to the Supreme Leader five times, none of which got her any closer to her end game.

          She had been sent to pose as Kylo’s servant by the Resistance in an attempt to bring him back to the light and to his family, but it was proving very difficult to do so. He was a very busy man, and that was becoming painfully apparent to Rey now. Every day he was never in one place for too long, so she just spent much of her time sneaking and skulking around, trying to monitor his every movement until she gets distracted, or someone snaps at her and asks her what she thinks she’s doing, doesn’t she know she’s supposed to be cleaning the kitchens, and so on. Then by the time she would finish that task (because it was _very important_ to play her part well), he’d be nowhere to be found.

          That is, until she hit the two-week mark of her deployment. That’s when everything changed.

          She had been looking for him for nearly thirty minutes. No one seemed to know where he was, and he wasn’t where his schedule said he’d be (she quickly got the impression that the schedule was more of a suggestion to Kylo Ren, and one that he rarely followed). That’s why she was in his quarters, scouring the halls and trying to listen through doors.

          She was just turning the corner towards the fresher when she ran face-first into something hard and sturdy. Only when she opened her eyes did she realize the thing she’d stumbled into was the very man she had been looking for.

          He gazed down at her, nonplussed, and smirked upon recognizing her face.

          “Ah, it’s you,” he murmured. “What are you doing down here?”

          Rey’s mouth fell open but no sound came out at first. She really had to focus to speak all of a sudden.

          “I, uh…was just going to take inventory of the fresher,” She didn’t even know if that was a thing. It just popped into her head first.

          Kylo smirked. “No you weren’t.”

          Rey’s heart was hammering against her ribcage at a dizzying pace. She suddenly felt trapped, and she hated feeling trapped.

          “I’m sorry…?”

          “What were you looking for?” he asked. He hadn’t stepped away from her or moved since she’d walked into him. They still stood close together, almost unbearably so.

          “I-I wasn’t looking for anything—”

          “Was it credits? Food? Were you coming down here to sleep? What were you looking for?”

          “You,” Rey sputtered. She hadn’t even realized the word had crossed her mind before it was crawling out of her mouth. She cleared her throat.

          “I was looking for you.”

          Ren furrowed his brows. “How did you know I was down here?”

          She shrugged pathetically. “I just knew.”

          “Hmm.”

          The gears in her head were beginning to smoke from turning so fast. What was that advice Poe had given to her before she left? _You gotta do what you gotta do_? She was really crossing over into new territory here, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous about it. This could break her whole act, if she started flirting with him and he saw right through her. Her blood felt hot in her veins.

          “Don’t you ever experience that?” she asked, her voice a tempting lilt. “When you know someone so well, that you can feel them, even when they’re not around? Like an extension of your soul…”

          “You know me that well, do you?”

          “I know you better than you’d ever think, Master Ren,” She smiled as prettily as she could, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. “What kind of a servant would I be if I hadn’t?”

          “Good point,” Kylo’s eyebrows raised. “What do you need from me so badly that you went looking?”

           She took a breath and leaned in just a little closer to him, whispering, “I want more.”

          “…More?”

          “I want to serve _you_ ; only you. None of those useless Stormtroopers, or the Generals or Captains or Commanders…I don’t care about them, or their measly needs. _You_ are the Supreme Leader. You will be the one to usher us in to a new dawn, and I want to be there by your side when you do.”

          She watched his mouth and throat work as he swallowed, and colour flooded the high curve of his cheekbones. He appeared to deflate, just the tiniest bit. He looked at her for a very long time, letting her words settle over him. Something new and mysterious glimmered in the depths of his stare, but other than that his expression was unreadable, no matter how hard Rey scrutinized it in her head.

          “That’s very bold of you,” he finally mused, his voice taught with restriction. “Very bold, and very risky. What makes you think I won’t kill you just for taking up so much of my time?”

          Rey inclined her chin proudly. “If you did, I would consider it an honourable death.”

          After a moment, he cracked a grin, the likes of which made Rey’s heart come to a deafening stop.

          “Well. I admire your courage, Kira, and your loyalty. Let’s talk.”

          **

          Talking had quickly evolved into scheming, which had then morphed into the kind of relationship where each half needs the other there at all times, just for comfort.

          Rey was about five months into her undercover position, and she was closer than ever to Kylo, who came to her for everything from advice to mechanical help to dinner company. He had officially appointed her as his personal advisor, much to everyone else’s surprise. She knew she had him by the tail now. All she had to do was give a couple hard tugs…

          But it was no longer as easy as she’d thought it would be. As he had warmed to her, she had done to same to him. She longed for his company each night as she slept alone, and she’d stay awake and think of something he had said or done earlier that day, and she would log it into her memory for safekeeping. Every smile, no matter how stiff or small, every hurried whisper and lingering stare…they all meant something to her now. At first it had just been a sign of hope: if he could smile at her that way maybe he could smile like that all the time, away from here. But then it had changed into something more, and Rey wasn’t sure when this had happened. Now every time she saw his hand twitch close to hers, she could feel him wanting to touch her, and she could feel herself wanting him to. Just a soft, simple, touch…

          It almost made her feel bad for lying to him.

          **

          Six and a half months later, and they had finally shared a sincerely intimate moment.

          Last week, as they had sat in Kylo’s quarters, discussing battle tactics, Rey had noticed that he kept moving a little closer to her, and a little closer, until his knee was brushing against hers and he was on the literal edge of his seat. But his face had betrayed nothing, which made Rey wonder if he had hardly even noticed it.

          As it had been getting late, Rey had stifled several yawns before Kylo finally suggested she take her leave and go to bed. She had sleepily agreed and, as she placed a hand on the table before them to stand, he had delicately placed his fingers upon hers. She hadn’t been able to contain the soft gasp which had escaped her mouth. Her eyes had locked onto the sight of their hands touching, lit by the golden flare of the dim lights in their sconces. His fingertips ran slowly across her knuckles, raising the hairs on her arm and the back of her neck. It was a simple gesture, but it was soft, and there was an emotional weight to it that she had never experienced before.

          And just as quick as it had come, his hand had gone, leaving her feeling strangely cold.

          “Goodnight, Kira.” Once again, his face betrayed nothing. It was _maddening._

          Rey bowed, knees trembling slightly, and walked to the door. Before she could cross the threshold, she had looked over her shoulder to find him with both elbows on the table, staring at his hands. The one which had touched her skin was clenching and unclenching slowly as he looked at it. It made Rey’s breath catch in her throat.

          Now, he had invited her to attend him at dinner. This was nothing new, of course; he had done this several times before and it had become a normal occurrence by that point. And yet, Rey knew it was going to be different somehow. Just a touch, and everything had changed.

          Her concern was only punctuated by the white box she had found sitting atop her bed that evening when she had gone to prepare for their meeting. Cautiously she had approached it, very aware of the fact that it may be from someone who had caught on to her game. But when she flipped the lid open, the only sight that greeted her was an elegant black dress, with a high neckline, a thigh-high slit in the side, and an exposed section about the waist. She had never seen anything so beautiful fit her body so well; like it was made especially for her. It hugged her body but wasn’t too tight; it went to the floor but she didn’t tread on it. The silky material it was made out of shone when it caught the light. She could have stayed and twirled in front of that mirror for hours.

          Her heart was in her throat the entire way to Kylo’s quarters. She was nervous and jittery and she could only partially explain why. There was something else there beneath it all that she couldn’t quite wrap her head around.

          He had greeted her the same way he always had, with a nod of the head and an open hand gesture, the sign for her to take a seat. She followed orders.

          As they sat down, he said, “That dress suits you.”

          She grinned. “I agree. Whoever got it for me has a very good eye.”

          He kept his eyes on his plate of food, but she knew she saw a smile tug on those lips of his.

          The dinner had gone as it usually did: calmly, and interspersed with talk that was strictly professional. Yet Rey couldn’t help but notice the restless way his leg bounced beneath the table, like he was waiting for it to be over.

          Once a droid cleared the table and left the room, they both felt suddenly nervous, like they had nothing left to hide behind. Unable to stand the tense silence for too long, Rey stood, and walked over to the expansive windows that looked out at the starry galaxy beyond. She could feel Kylo approach behind her; hear his tentative footfalls on the hard floor.

          They looked out at the stars in silence for a while, letting the vastness of it all wash over them. They really were just two little specks, off in the distance. Why should they let their lives be ruined by war?

          Rey turned to face him and was shocked to find him standing very close to her; so close that she almost ran into him again, as she had fatefully done once before. She raised her eyes to his, and she saw something there – some flicker of emotion, however nondescript, right there in the slight part of his lips, and in the soft crease between his eyebrows.

          “I really do thank you for the dress,” she whispered, too overwhelmed by the intensity of his closeness to get her voice to make a sound. “It’s beautiful.”

          “Fitting, then, that it should be worn by someone as lovely as you.”

          Rey’s mouth went dry. He had never spoken so frankly before. He had never let her know that he thought her to be ‘lovely’ before. For a moment she didn’t know how to react to that, but then it clicked into place and it all came to her in an instant, like an instinctual knowing just coming to life within her.

          “May I—” He began to ask the question, but she didn’t need to hear it.

          “Kiss me.”

          Their mouths were tender and unsure at first as they worked together. They allowed themselves to warm to the delicate sensation of their lips touching in such an intimate way. Rey felt like she was by an ocean, and the salty waves kept crashing down around her, leaving her refreshed and renewed in their wake. She was barely aware of any part of her body that wasn’t touching him which, admittedly, there weren’t many parts left. Her fingers fisted into his hair, her chest pressed firmly to his, and his arms wrapped themselves tightly around her waist.

          The window was cool and solid on her back as he pressed her into it and deepened the kiss. Numb fingers worked at buttons and zippers; not quite sure what to do but eager to do it.

In a perfect world, she could stay in his arms like that forever, kissing him forever. But it wasn’t a perfect world, not by a longshot, no matter how much she wished it could be so.

          She had forgotten about the homing beacon she had strapped to a garter holster on her thigh, along with an electric dagger. As his hands explored her body they had discovered it and pulled it off of her. In an instant, her blood ran cold. The change in his demeanor was so quick it was dizzying. As soon as he looked down at the beacon in his palm, he backed away from her. He rotated it to see its back, where his mother’s sigil was engraved. And of course, he would recognize it anywhere.

          He looked at her, and she watched all the emotions he had been withholding pass over his face at once: lust, confusion, realization, hurt, and mounting anger. His expression darkened considerably until he was glaring at her, his entire body shaking.

          “Why do you have this?” he asked, his voice deadly quiet.

          Rey was almost hyperventilating. No breath felt good enough; her lungs were so tense it was like they were rejecting air, unable to expand as her entire chest seized. She thought she might be sick.

          “I swear, I can explain! Ben—”

           He threw the beacon so hard into a wall it shattered, its blue light slowly fading until it was gone. Now, if the Resistance needed to find her, they’d have a much harder time doing so. Rey knew that he knew that, too.

          His hands were trembling fists at his sides. His hair was tousled from her fingers but he didn’t bother to fix it. His eyes were underscored with anger, but they shone bright with hurt, no matter how hard he may try to hide it.

          Through gritted teeth, he chewed out three words that brought Rey’s world crashing down around her.

          “Who are you?”


	34. Shut Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGSTY AF.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/176670533247/angsty-prompt-canonverse-hurtcomfort-maybe)

**Prompt: "Angsty prompt: Canonverse, hurt/comfort maybe. Though being tired, alone and depressed after the events of TLJ, Ben doesn't want talk to Rey or even see her again because he feels abandoned and betrayed by her." - Anonymous**

                He thought he knew pain.

                He had suffered loss, disappointment, loneliness and regret. He had been tortured, manipulated, lied to, and preyed upon. His body had scars and bruises and aches. But this was something different. This was sharper, and colder. It pierced his heart first, and then it radiated out until it was all he could feel and all he could think of. It consumed him. It kept him awake at night. It ate away at his mind and replaced it with one painful memory that continued to haunt him.

                When Rey had closed the Falcon’s door on him, on the possibility of _them_ , he thought he knew pain.

                In the days following their icy departure on Crait, Kylo Ren had gone about his time like a ghost, passing through people, leaving a cold and dreary energy in his wake. He was Supreme Leader now, but he felt no different. Worse, actually, because he had never wanted this in the first place. He had thought he did, a long time ago. But now he’d seen what his life could be like if he took a different, more enticing path, and he could desire nothing else. But the girl at the end of that path had shut the door on him, and in doing so she had sentenced him to suffer a fate worse than death. That was something he could never forgive her for, and never forgive himself for either. So he resigned himself to a life of misery, and he grew harder and colder with each passing day.

                It seemed his natural impulse was to torture himself. How could it not be? He’d done it every day for as long as he could remember. When he was young, he’d make himself sick worrying about what his parents would say or do if they knew about the voice in his head and what it told him. As a teen, it was the ever-present fear of disappointing his uncle, matched with the unbalanced emotions of a pubescent boy. Until eventually he gave up and submitted to the Dark Side, where he thought he belonged. It had worked for a while. He’d been able to fool even himself. But then Rey had come along and ruined everything.

                It drove him mad to think about her, and about whatever strange bond they shared. But he thought about these things every day, no matter how hard he tried to block them out. He’d yell at himself to stop it, to stop seeing _her_.

                _She betrayed me. She abandoned me, like everyone else in my life. She never wanted the same thing as me. She took my Master, my family, and my hope away from me. She deserves to be forgotten._

                And yet her face was scarred into his memory. Every night, when he managed to shut his eyes for just a brief interlude of sleep, she would be right there waiting for him. Forcing him to think about it, about the night she left. And really, how could he forget? He had never known pain like he felt that day.

                For two months afterward he had thought their bond to be closed forever. He’d never see her again unless it was in battle. But then, one day when he had been sitting in Snoke’s former throne, listening to men bicker and argue, every hair on his body stood on end. His skin prickled as the energy in the room shifted and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, he wasn’t in the throne room anymore. His heart stopped beating in his chest for a fraction of a second as his new surroundings came into focus. The engineering station of the Falcon still felt familiar to him; easily recognizable. It was dark inside, though, and a shadow gently moved in the corner.

                A human shape sat up and yawned. A girl. Her hair was half-up and half-down, as it had been on the day she’d left him, but it was in disarray from sleep. She had clearly been working on something when she’d fallen asleep; various tools were splayed around her, and an open toolbox was resting at her feet. For the life of him Kylo couldn’t understand how she seemed able to sleep just about anywhere.

                She turned her head to face him, eyes barely open. There were soft purple circles under those sleepy hazel eyes. Kylo felt a distinct pang in his chest. Her eyes opened just a little more, and then they flew open wide and she gasped, nearly screaming as she saw him.

                “Ben—!” she exclaimed. She almost looked happy to see him. How dare she?

                He frowned, because her voice saying his name made him want to forgive all she had done to him. He quickly backed away, away from her, away from their bond, and closed the door tight behind him. The pain had reignited in his chest, like a barely-healed wound reopening for the hundredth time. He had to excuse himself and retire for the day, unable to think of anything else besides the ache inside him.

                He hated himself for wanting to see her and being unable to stand it at the same time. He’d spent all that time being depressed and angry, maybe seeing her and hearing her speak kindly to him again would heal him! But no, she had hurt him already, and he was not about to open himself up again just to have the same thing happen.

                His fingers lightly traced the scar upon his face, the one she had given him, back when she had given him no reason to think she could ever care for him. Back when she was just a scavenger, and he was just an apprentice. Back when things were much less complicated.

                Yes, he could understand that his actions on Crait were far less than what she expected, but he’d been hurt – by her. It made all of his rage accumulate and he’d never learned how to deal with that properly. Thinking about this he’d tried to convince himself that it was a good thing she’d decided to walk away from him. She saved herself from him. He only wished he could do the same.

                She had the audacity to reach out to him once after their accidental connection. She had lingered behind him as he had worked on his lightsaber. At first she didn’t speak, but he knew she was there. He could feel her eyes burning holes in the back of his head. His hands began to shake until he couldn’t work anymore and he just set his tools down atop the desk and waited for her to leave.

                But she didn’t. And he didn’t turn around to acknowledge her.

                They sat in silence for an agonizingly long time. All the while, Kylo’s heart was pounding in his chest and making it harder to breathe. He wanted her to leave, but a part of him wanted nothing more than for her to stay and never go away. And he couldn’t tell if her closeness was dulling the pain or making it worse.

                He heard a sniffle from behind him, and then another one. When she spoke, her voice trembled. She was crying. She had _been_ crying, for how long he didn’t know.

                “Ben, please…” she sobbed. “I just need to know you’re alright…”

                He didn’t reply. His shoulders tensed as he lifted them up near his ears, trying desperately to shut her out.

                “We still have this bond! We can still use it…please. I feel so lost…”

                “Go away.” His voice was rough, crackling with emotion.

                “Ben, no. Don’t.”

                “Leave. Now.”

                “No! You will _not_ send me away!”

                He slid off his stool and whirled around, tears burning in his own eyes.

                “You sent _me_ away! Now how does it feel?!” he screamed. “Tell me, does it hurt you as much as it hurts me?”

                He crossed the room until his shadow fell over her like a curtain. Her tear-stained face peered up at him, full of defiance and a bit of intimidation.

                “Does it hurt you so much that sometimes you can’t even draw a breath? Are you haunted every single day by the same agonizing memory like I am?”

                He was shaking like a leaf, and so was she. Her shoulders quaked as she sobbed involuntarily, her lips pursed together in an unsteady line.

                “Do you really think I don’t?” she asked, her voice just barely above a whisper.

                Kylo shut his mouth and furrowed his brows, watching her in contemplation and minor shock. No, he didn’t think she did. She had friends, hope, and a pseudo-family that used to be his. She had his father’s ship, and his blessing. She had everything he’d wanted and everything he’d turned away. How could she possibly know his pain?

                “I’ve hardly slept, I barely eat. I feel so alone, even in a room full of people. All because you’re not there,” she explained through tears. “And I wonder every single day if I did the wrong thing; if I pushed you further into the dark that day by shutting you out. And I have to look into your mother’s eyes with that weight on my shoulders, knowing what I did, and it kills me.”

                A tear cascaded down Kylo’s cheek, following the ridge of his scar.

                “I just need to know that you can forgive me, because I think I _need_ to forgive you or I’ll never feel good again,” she whispered urgently. “I want to forgive you, Ben. I will. But I need to know that I didn’t ruin you completely.”

                Kylo’s shoulders shuddered as he sighed. He looked down, at the small space between them, as if hoping he’d find an answer there. All he saw were the toes of their shoes, nearly touching, and it only made him want to move closer to her.

                Rey reached out her hand to him, as she had done once before, and she cupped the right side of his face in her palm, using her thumb to brush away a stray tear. Instinctively, he leaned into her touch and let his eyes flutter closed for a moment.

                “Please, Ben. Tell me I didn’t destroy you completely…”

                “Oh, Rey…”

                He bent his head down towards hers until he felt her forehead touch his own. Her breath caught, her pulse spiked, and her fingers slipped their way into his hair. He watched her mouth part, like she wished him to kiss her, and oh, how badly he wanted to. But he couldn’t lie to her, and he couldn’t forget the pain that still lingered within him.

                He whispered his answer, letting the words cut her to the bone. Because some selfish part of him needed to make her hurt the same way she had hurt him.

                “You did.”

                Then he wished her away, forcing her out of his mind despite how hard it was and how bad it hurt to do so, and he slunk down to his knees, letting the hard floor leave bruises on him.

                And then he let the pain eat him alive.


	35. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka “the one where rey drinks with the guy she used to write paragraphs about in her journal”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very slightly NSFW; involves daddy kink.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/172123864127/prompt-rey-accidently-calling-ben-daddy-and-he)

**Prompt: “Rey accidentally calling Ben ‘daddy’ and he loves it.” - Anonymous**

Rey’s first thought upon entering the gymnasium of her former high school was _why did I do this to myself?_ This is quite an apt and fair question in any scenario involving a twenty-year class reunion.

The entire gym was decorated like a school dance; crepe streamers trailed down in pastel wisps from the ceiling beams, balloons created a gleaming mine field upon the floor, and Eminem was playing through the speakers, requesting that the real Slim Shady please stand up.

Rey could feel a hundred pairs of eyes on her as she entered the gym. It made her squirm. She hadn’t felt that kind of creeping, haunting anxiety in a long time – over twenty years, at least. Flashbacks of some of the most embarrassing moments in her life tore through her mind and she quickly located the punch bowl.

While she poured herself a full glass, she hoped and prayed the punch was of the adult variety. So when she lifted the drink to her lips and found herself to be sorely disappointed by the combo of cranberry juice, oranges, gingerale and _nothing else_ , she nearly dumped the remainder of her cup back into the bowl. Thankfully, years of conditioning had prepared her for such a dreadful scenario as this. She reached into her small purse and removed the dented flask, sneakily pouring a generous amount into her cup before replacing it. Her nerves stopped crawling beneath her skin almost instantly.

She wandered the party for a while, every now and then bumping into someone she once said more than three words to back in high school. Everyone was either someone important or pretending to be. As for Rey, she found herself uncomfortable with the mere idea of sharing personal details with anyone present at this particular gathering. She was so used to hearing all the names of the people around her whispered in gossip trains across the school; to share anything with them felt like a sure-fire way to become the next illogical rumour. She knew it was childish to revert to such a way of thinking, but it was almost habitual in nature. She couldn’t ignore the steady undercurrent of judgement and nerves that twirled and swam just beneath the surface of her consciousness.

So, she drank. And she wasn’t the only one, either. It seemed as though everyone present had either pre-gamed before the party or brought their own supply with them in various sneaky ways. Generally speaking, it really was no different than their school dances had been when they were actually in high school. One person was hiding cans of beer beneath fresh buns which were being stored inside a plastic cooler. Rey had never been much of a beer-drinker, but for some inexplicable reason, illicit beer tasted a thousand times better than regular beer. _This must have been what it was like during Prohibition,_ she thought idly.

After an hour and a half, she was dancing and scream-singing along to all the songs from her adolescence with all the people she hardly knew anymore. None of that mattered, though. She intermingled freely amongst them, twisting and turning and laughing, a vibrant spectre in her own right. When she was out of breath she danced herself off to the side where she could refill her cup in the shadows. Nothing came from her flask but a few lonely drips, though. She shook it, frustrated, until a glint of silver caught her eye and she watched as a flask that wasn’t her own poured its contents into her awaiting cup.

“Let me get that for you.”

Rey’s eyes widened as she looked up at the source of the deep voice; her eyes sunk easily into a pair of deep, golden brown ones. She let out a nervous squeak as her stomach flip-flopped inside of her. Suddenly she was fifteen again, nursing a sore and persistent crush on a guy that made her too nervous to speak.

Kylo grinned broadly, replacing the shiny silver flask in a secret pocket inside his suit jacket. _God, that crooked, toothy smile…to think I almost forgot about it._ Rey stuttered and stammered in the face of her high school crush, much like she always used to do. She had written a _lot_ of diary entries about him. Words like hot, sexy, and the particularly awful term “virginity donation station” came to mind. Her inner self was pulling out its hair in embarrassment.

He was somehow even more handsome than he had been back then; he had let his raven hair grow long and he was far more well-muscled than he used to be. She had even forgotten how tall he was and received a painful reminder as she craned her neck to look him in the eye.

“Thanks…Kylo,” she said, clearly flustered but trying hard to mask it.

“No problem…Rey,” Kylo replied cheekily. “I saw you dancing out there. You commanded that floor.”

“Oh, thanks,” Rey muttered. “Normally I would be as far away from that scene as possible, but given the situation, I’ve had some liquid encouragement.” She wiggled her cup pointedly.

Kylo nodded. “Ah, you required booze to get through this shit-show too, huh?”

“Very much so.” Rey took a drink and coughed a little. “What _is_ that?”

“Vodka. It’s cheap vodka, but it compliments the punch well, since it too is quite cheap.”

Rey giggled nervously and sipped at her drink. The vodka still bit her hard as she swallowed but she was grateful for it, and it eventually subsided.

Kylo’s eyes scanned her face eagerly. She watched as his full, pink lips worked off one another, pressing together and rolling apart. He was thinking.

“Hey, we always had Biology and English together, didn’t we? And I think we had Gym, too…”

It was obvious he was just trying to prolong the conversation for whatever reason; he was looking at her as though asking with his eyes whether their class schedule was a good topic of conversation for her. Heat blossomed in Rey’s face. She was suddenly very glad that the lights were so dim.

“You remember me that well?” she asked. A small part of her was thrilled at this, even though the voice in her head told her it was silly; she wasn’t in high school anymore. She wasn’t a teenager. She was an adult woman. But damn it if he wasn’t still more attractive to her than anyone else in the room. _Curse the prolonged death of old habits…_

“Of course I do!” Kylo replied. “We didn’t talk much, but you were always nice to me anytime we did.”

Rey furrowed her brow, puzzled. “Everyone was nice to you. You were on the football team and you were king of the school theatre.”

Kylo winced at the memories. “Ugh, yeah. Both such prestigious titles. Also, incredibly in conflict with one another, according to the high school social rankings of the time. So not everyone was nice to me, because I didn’t fit into one of their neat little boxes. I wasn’t exactly a jock and I wasn’t exactly a drama geek, but I had big ears and a wonky tooth so…you know, it was a recipe for disaster.”

“Oh,” Rey said rather sadly. “I never thought about it like that.”

A riotous clamour of cheers and feminine shrieks erupted from the dance floor as another early-2000’s R&B hit came over the speakers. Rey chuckled.

“Want to come outside with me?” Kylo asked, leaning a little closer to her so that her heart leapt into her throat. “We won’t have to shout over all the parents who are _really_ enjoying being out of the house.”

Rey laughed and nodded, following him closely to the double-doors that led out into the side exit. _Oh my god, this is really happening,_ she told herself. _If only fifteen-year-old Rey could see me now…we did it, you hormonal little weirdo. We did it. Or, we’re going to._

As the cool night air hit her body, Rey shivered. It was a temperate night, with only the slightest of breezes. The sounds of cars passing by was distant and muted. _The perfect night to score a win for the home team,_ Rey thought. _And boy, do we need a win._

She watched as Kylo lit a cigarette behind a cupped hand. That was new. She admired the way the orange glow of his lighter cast such stark shadows on his long, angular face, and the way his dark brow clenched together in concentration. The smoke curled up around his head in a long grey plume, tangling itself in the strands of his hair before making their escape out into the atmosphere. She breathed in the smell.

“Hope you don’t mind,” Kylo excused himself, holding his cigarette aloft between two fingers. “A nasty habit I picked up a while back.”

“I don’t mind,” Rey replied quietly. “I don’t want any, but I don’t mind.”

Kylo smirked. “I can respect that.”

Silence swelled between them, pregnant with anticipation. Neither of them seemed to know what exactly it was they wished to do, now that they were alone together. It was the kind of tension and silence that made a person want to slit their own throat just to get away from it. Rey _hated_ such silence.

“So, what are you doing now?” she asked, kicking at the cement with her heel. “Job-wise, I mean.”

“I teach English and Creative Writing at the local community college.”

“That sounds fun,” Rey offered half-heartedly. “I bet you’re great at that.” Truth be told, she never took him for the teaching type, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“My students would likely disagree, but thanks.”

“Oh, come on! I bet what you teach is really interesting,”

“I don’t know; you tell me. How much did you enjoy your grade twelve English class?”

“Oh, I hated it. It was awful.”

“My point exactly.”

Rey chuckled giddily. “To be fair, though, we had to suffer through English with Mr. Banks, and he was absolutely brutal to listen to. You would be…different.”

She intentionally let the weight of her words hang between them for a moment, giving him ample time to realize she wasn’t going to explain further unless he prompted it.

“Different how?” he prompted.

Rey smiled slyly and drank from her cup, making him wait a little for her response. She liked this game, she was good at it, and she had long waited to play it with Kylo. She had spent so much time dreaming up all the different ways this could happen, but she had never thought of the scenario she now faced. Then again, as a teenager she could hardly have anticipated that it would take twenty years for anything to happen at all. She had always relied on the hope that one day she would have enough courage to make the first move. It seemed like tonight was the night, but all the credit had to be given to the alcohol in her system rather than a personal change of heart.

“Well,” she finally answered, “for one, you have a much nicer way of speaking. Not all slow and monotone and all that. Second…hmm…you have a good sense of humour. It’s very charming.”

“Is it?” He raised his eyebrows and grinned, very obviously enjoying himself.

“It is.”

“And third?”

“Ah, well…that’s a tough one. But I would have to say, third, you’re much, _much_ nicer to look at.”

Kylo laughed, hiding his face by looking down at his feet. When he lifted his gaze again his eyes were bright and his face had more colour to it than before. He took a long drag off his cigarette and nodded, still smiling.

“What? Is it something I said?” Rey asked innocently.

“It is,” Kylo smirked.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” She folded her arms across her chest and pretended to look astonished. “Do you think I would lie to you? Me? The girl who barely spoke to you but was, by your own words, always nice when I did?”

She was amusing him greatly, she could tell. The way he was looking at her was making her feel weak in the knees and foggy in the mind. She just kept reminding herself that this whole night was kind of ridiculous, in and of itself, and so it was okay for her to be silly, too. She wanted to be silly with him. Yes, he had been her high school crush, but he was someone else now; someone she barely knew and yet felt like she knew better than herself. She felt like she could be herself around him now; she didn’t have to pretend to be worthy of the attention of a football player. Now he was a grown man, a person, a teacher. Maybe he had a house or an apartment somewhere. Maybe he had a dog or something. Rey didn’t know. She didn’t even know if he was a dog person for sure; she just assumed. But damn it if she didn’t want to find out. Damn it if she didn’t want _him._

“No, it’s not that I don’t believe you,” Kylo flicked the ash off his cigarette and took another long pull. The smoke tore from the corner of his mouth and careened upwards. “It’s just…something else.”

“What?”

He finished his cigarette and crushed it beneath his heel before responding.

“It’s just, if I had known all it would take to make you admit your feelings for me was some alcohol and early-2000’s jams, I would have partied with you more in high school.” A strange smirk pulled on his lips.

“Wha…wait, you _knew_ I liked you?” Rey stammered, completely taken aback.

“I knew,” Kylo nodded. “I’d heard it through the grapevine; of course I didn’t notice it myself. I was clueless, and still am. I wanted to do something about it but…I never had the nerve.”

Rey furrowed her brow, puzzled but hopeful. “What are you saying?”

“I liked you too,” Kylo admitted, his dark eyes glittering hungrily in the shadowy light. “I thought you were crazy smart. You were always top of the Honour Roll, every year. And of course I thought you were pretty. Having Gym class with you sucked, though. You were too damn good at everything we tried and you always blew us guys out of the water. You distracted me constantly. If you only knew how many dodgeballs, soccer balls, and basketballs I had hit me somewhere on my body, all because I was too busy staring at you to pay attention to the game.”

Rey’s mouth was hanging open in shock and her throat had gone bone-dry. She almost snuck a hand over to her thigh to pinch herself, because _surely_ she had to be dreaming. Had to be. Only her fifteen-year-old self could have come up with a fantasy such as this. _Holy hell, have the last twenty years been one long dream? No, that’s stupid. I’m drunk, but I’m not stupid. This is real. We’re doing it!_

“Like I said, I should have done something about it, but I didn’t. So now here we are, twenty years and a few drinks later, and I finally have enough courage to admit that to you.” He let out a breath and stared at her, clearly waiting for her to speak.

The only problem was, no words came to her. Part of her wanted to dissect it more while another part of her just wanted to jump his fucking bones already. She settled for the next best thing: a healthy middle, rushing towards a very specific end.

“Do you have enough courage left over to do something about it, then?” she asked brazenly. She stood up a little straighter, refusing to break eye contact with him.

She watched his throat work as he swallowed.

“Are you suggesting—?”

“Sex. I think we should have sex,” Rey interjected eagerly. “Don’t you? We’ve waited long enough, haven’t we?”

“Oh, god, yes,” Kylo sighed, quickly taking her in his arms.

Rey pressed her fingers to his seeking lips. “Wait. Come with me.”

She pulled him back inside the school and into an unlocked, vacant classroom.

Kylo took one look around and asked, “Didn’t we have Social Sciences in this room?”

“Yep, and now we’re gonna have sex in it,” Rey replied, dropping her purse and drink on the teacher’s desk.

Kylo laughed and rushed her, quickly settling her atop one of the desks that were pushed up against the wall. His lips were warm as he kissed her, filling her with the delirious heat of molten desire. Although the alcohol was buzzing in both their heads, the movements of their hands were sure and precise; there was no fumbling here. They were two experienced adults now, no longer the awkward, virginal youths of the past. Each of them drank in the other’s skills quite eagerly, relishing in the discovery of a thousand different sensations. Now they knew what it felt like to kiss one another; they knew what one another’s bodies felt like beneath their hands. If only silly clothes weren’t getting in the way, they would know what it felt like to be skin-on-skin.

Wanting this more than anything at the moment, Rey pushed Kylo’s suit jacket off his shoulders. It fell to the floor with an odd clunk as his half-full flask hit the ground first. When she removed the soft grey t-shirt he had been wearing underneath she audibly gasped.

This was a man who clearly took good care of himself. Rey’s inner teenager screamed once and fainted. _Good god,_ she thought as her eyes roved over his toned flesh, _it’s like I’m looking directly into the sun but I don’t even care if I go blind…_

Her mind was still whirling as he began to undress her, leaving calculated, glancing kisses along the curve of her shoulder and in the hollow of her throat. Her eyes fluttered closed as the sensation of his lips on her skin completely entranced her. Her fingers tangled themselves happily in his hair. It felt like she was melting in his hands and she couldn’t be more pleased about it.

Kylo was just moving his kisses lower down her chest, keeping the rest of her body sated with the firm pressure of his hands and fingers. Lower and lower he went, caressing and kissing, until suddenly Rey moaned in a low, soft voice:

“Yes, daddy...!”

Kylo stopped almost instantly and pulled back, leaving Rey bereft and forcing her eyes to open. The confusion on her face quickly melted away into embarrassment and shock. Her fingers covered her mouth and she stared about the room as though she suddenly no longer knew who she was.

“What did you call me…?” Kylo asked slowly, carefully. “Is that…is that usually something you say during…?”

“Oh my god, no,” Rey shook her head fiercely. “No, I’ve never called anyone that besides my actual father…” She made a face. “Oh god, I don’t know why I just said that. I’m so sorry. Are you freaked out? You look freaked out. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? What the hell was I even thinking?”

Rey rambled on, profusely apologizing as her face got redder by the second. Suddenly Kylo stopped her by holding up one hand. She stared at him, clearly expecting the worst.

“Say it again,” he requested, barely speaking above a whisper.

Rey blinked. “W-what?”

“Call me that again. Please.”

“You want me to call you ‘daddy’…” Rey drew a finger slowly down his chest, “daddy?”

Kylo made a guttural, growling noise before kissing her with enough intensity to make her head swim.

“Mm, yep,” he said breathlessly, “I like it. I like it a lot.”

Rey grinned cheekily, no longer the least bit embarrassed.

“I guess we both learned something new today.”


	36. Melt

Tumblr link.

**Prompt: "College au where Ben meets the cute new student, Rey." - Anonymous**

            Ben Solo hadn’t taken his eyes off of his notepad since class had begun. Always a studious note-taker, he was determined to miss nothing. His hand crawled across the page, scribbling abbreviations and asterisks; his ears fine-tuned to anything the Professor said. The midterm was coming up, after all.

            He frowned as he made an error and had to cross it out with three firm lines. He hated that. It always made his notes look messy. Amidst the lines of clear, detailed notes, there was an ugly mark – a festering sore of ink that was always the first thing to catch his eye whenever he looked at the page. So it was a good thing he typed his notes out every night when he went home.

            He thought he heard a sound other than the Professor’s voice; a dull _click_ in the background, severely muffled to the ears of someone so focused on one thing only. The Professor paused in his lecture to open a new slide, and Ben took the opportunity to skim over his progress so far and make sure he hadn’t missed anything crucial. He nibbled intently on the end of his pen as he did so.

            “Hey…excuse me?”

            A fly must be buzzing around somewhere.

            “Um…hello? Sorry…uh…”

            Ben blinked. His pen slid out from between his teeth. Someone was actually talking to him. Mildly annoyed at the interruption (during class no less), he looked to the right.

            A girl was sitting in the empty seat beside him; a girl he hadn’t seen before. She had shoulder-length, shiny brown hair, half of which was tied in a bun near the crown of her head, glowing skin, and the prettiest hazel eyes he had ever seen in his life. She wore a long brown coat over a white tee and overalls, rolled up at the ankle so as to better show off her Doc Martens with the little sunflowers on them. She smiled so pleasantly at him, it instantly made him lose any train of thought he could have possibly had at that moment.

            “Hi, sorry to bother you,” she whispered, ducking her head towards him a bit. “I’ve just joined this class – took me forever to find this room, by the way,”

            It was true. The room _was_ hidden off in a corner in the most confusing building on campus.

            “So is there any chance I could get the notes from you for the past few weeks? I know there’s a midterm coming up and I’m going to have to cram really hard to pass it at this point.”

            Normally, Ben would feel no sympathy for someone in her state. Join a class way too far into the game, come to your first day late and unprepared…you don’t deserve his well-taken notes. But he found himself unable to say something so flippant and rude to a girl that made his mouth feel so dry and funny. He’d met plenty of beautiful girls in his life, but never one that struck him so deeply so suddenly.

            He shook himself out of whatever trance he’d fallen into and cleared his throat. The Professor was talking again and he didn’t even care that he was missing things.

            “Oh, sure,” he mumbled somewhat awkwardly. “What’s your email?”

            She rattled off the three letter, three number combo that was the standard student email format and he wrote it in the margins of his notes, not even bothered by the crooked way it was squished in to fit.

            “I’ll send them later tonight.” He said.

            “Perfect, thanks!” she whispered enthusiastically before taking out her own notebook and pen.

            “What’s your name?” she asked, scrawling the date in the top right corner of the page.

            “Ben,” he answered faithfully. “Yours?”

            “I’m Rey. It’s nice to meet you, Ben.”

            He smiled at her, and they both turned their attention to the Professor. Ben began writing, not at all worried that he’d missed two slides worth of information. But he found it significantly harder to focus explicitly on what was being said at the front of the room, when he could hear Rey’s pen scratching her own paper, and could feel her presence right beside him, warm and inviting as a cheery fire in a cozy home. She smelled like vanilla cake, and every so often it would waft over to him; a gentle scent on the otherwise stale classroom air, which made the hair rise all up his arms.

            Oh, god, how he hoped she would sit by him the rest of the semester.

            When class ended they were able to say a short goodbye – they both had to rush off to other classes right away. Ben went about the rest of his day relatively normally, except he couldn’t shake the image of those Docs with sunflowers on them, or the freckles across the bridge of her nose.

            That evening, as he sat at his computer desk, inputting his notes for the day, he double-checked the notes he was sending to her. If she was going to pass this class, she would need all the detail she could get.

            When it came time to send it, however, he balked over what message to include with it. He started his greeting over five times before finally just going with what felt easiest.

            **Hi, Rey. It’s Ben. Here’s everything you’ve missed so far. I hope this helps.**

            After he’d pressed send, he kind of forgot about it for an hour or two. It wasn’t until later, when he was sitting down to watch TV, that he pulled out his phone and noticed he had a new email. His heart skipped a beat and he was a little embarrassed by it. He hastily opened the message and held it up to read it.

            **Hey, Ben! Thanks again, this is a HUGE help! The notes look great. Looks like I came to the right person :) Maybe if you’re free you could tutor me over coffee one day? I’ll pay! We can talk it over next class. See you then! – Rey**

He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face, not even when it made his cheeks hurt. Her words continuously echoed back to him for the rest of the night, any time he had nothing else to hold his attention.

            When he went to bed that night, for the first time in a considerably long time, he didn’t find himself dreaming of school or work. Instead, he dreamt of a girl with a magical smile and eyes like paradise.

            Everything else just melted away.


	37. nóiméad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nóiméad: a moment  
> RATED E. NSFW.

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/177150278077/reylo-roommates-with-benefits-au-where-feelings)

**Prompt: "Reylo roommates with benefits au where feelings take charge" - Anonymous**

          It all started in second year, when the two friends from Psychology 241 decided to get an apartment together. Things had been fine at first; normal, even. They got along great. They watched the same shows, were interested in the same topics, and they both had busy enough schedules that they didn’t see one another all the time, or even every day.

But then, on St. Patrick’s Day, they had both found themselves without any plans, and so decided to get drunk together at home. They drank beer tinted green with food colouring and sang off-key (and somewhat offensive) Irish ballads so loudly that their next-door neighbour started banging on the walls for them to shut up. So shut up they did.

By that point, they were very comfortable with one another. They’d seen each other in towels and bathrobes and nothing else, leaving just enough to the imagination to get the other thinking, although they’d never admit that they were ‘thinking’ at all. Until that night, on St. Patrick’s Day, where they both had nowhere to go and too much alcohol in their systems. Before they knew what they were doing they were making out, but this only lasted for a little while before things got more intense. They pleasured one another in various ways from the kitchen all the way to the back bedrooms, traversing this new and exciting territory until they were so tired and delirious that they fell asleep, their bodies tangled together atop the crumpled bedsheets.

That was a year and a half ago, and little had changed since. Some habits, once indulged, are extremely difficult to move past. Especially one so rich in emotional and physical relief.

So, when Ben came home from work cursing and swearing, slamming the door behind him, Rey knew well enough what that meant.

She had been seated on the couch in her pyjama shorts and tank top, wool socks rumpled around her ankles, doing the weekly crossword puzzle. She chewed in contemplation on the lid of her pen.

 _A seven-letter word for intense, unbridled passion. Hmm._ B-e-n-S-o-l-o. _Hey, it fits._

She could hear him kick off his shoes and stomp towards the living room. When he finally came into view he was already unbuttoning and removing his dusty plaid shirt, grumbling to himself all the while.

“Rough day at work?” she asked cautiously, scribbling in another answer.

He pulled his arms free of his shirt and it bunched around his feet on the floor, where he was clearly planning on leaving it. His broad chest and muscular arms exposed, Rey couldn’t keep herself from looking. He really was a perfect example of man; like those old, famous sculptures, he was cut from marble – well-proportioned and solid, his body naturally hard and warm like it had been forged in fire. There was a fine smudge of grease or oil just below the defined curve of his jawline.

“Damn right it was,” Ben snarled. “Nothing would fucking go my way – I fought and fought with this stupid fucking hunk of junk car and it just – wouldn’t – cooperate!”

He ran a distraught hand through his wild black hair, making it look like a thick murder of crows was attempting to take flight off of his head. His eyes were dark and dangerous like a moonlit night and as Rey let her stare glide back up his body, she caught a full dose of their glare. It made a familiar yearning ache deep inside of her; one that only he seemed capable of satisfying. She craved him as he craved her, and any time they needed to quench said cravings they did so, ever since St. Patrick’s Day.

She watched the muscles in his toned forearms work as he clumsily unfastened the button of his jeans and yanked the zipper down in one swift movement. Then he directed his attention completely to her.

“So now, that all being said, I’d like you to get over here,” He pointed a finger at the floor before his feet.

Rey raised one eyebrow. She didn’t always tease him, but sometimes it was too fun to resist.

“What’s the magic word?”

Ben sighed noisily, clearly not in the mood to play along.

“Rey, I swear to god, if you aren’t over here in ten seconds I’m going to walk over there, spank you, and carry you to my bed myself.” His voice was a growl; a warning.

“Oh,” Rey adjusted herself upon the couch, angling her body so he could see the tempting curve of her ass in her lilac-coloured cotton shorts. “And who’s to say that isn’t exactly what I want you to do?”

“Hmph,” Ben groaned, “so be it, then.”

He crossed the room in two and a half strides and, as he had promised, his hand made firm, loud contact with her backside. She yelped a little, but she enjoyed the warm feeling of the sting; the way his hand squeezed her so tightly after, massaging away the pain with his grip. His arms wrapped themselves around her and hoisted her up like she weighed nothing at all. She indulged herself with the mere smell of him; hot sweat and cool metal, he left a sharp but pleasant taste on her tongue.

He threw her down onto his bed and she landed with a soft “oomph!” atop the comforter and pillows that were scattered on the mattress. He pounced after her, effectively trapping her beneath him with just his arms and legs. Then he gazed down at her and smiled victoriously, in that twisted, deviant way of his.

“I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day,” he whispered amidst scattered kisses down her chest. He admired the way her nipples strained against the taught fabric of her tank top and he nipped at these playfully through the thin material, causing a warm jolt of electricity to shoot down Rey’s spine to her hips.

“ _Mmm_ , is that so?” she moaned, arching her back beneath him.

“Got stuck in traffic–” He pulled her shorts off of her in one go and dived back down to kiss her inner thighs. “–on the way home. Needed a distraction from my shitty day, so I sat there tapping the steering wheel and thinking about fucking you until I was so hard it almost hurt. Did about twenty over the speed limit the rest of the way.”

Rey grinned, pleased to hear of her effect on him. “Naughty boy…what if you’d been caught?”

“I guess we’ll never know now,” he quipped, muffling his voice against the soft skin of her thighs.

She silently agreed, pulling her tank top off, relaxing her knees so they moved off to the side to give him more space. He finished the job of undressing her and quickly set to work, preparing her for himself. His words and his sense of urgency had already made her wet, but he always wanted more. He wanted her to be dripping with anticipation, and his tongue always made quick work of her, like that’s what it was made specifically to do.

His hair was so soft betwixt her fingers, coiled as they were near his scalp, pulling and twisting. She fisted her hand through the swarm of raven feathers, heard their wings beating fervently in her ears…

She sat up as he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand; his eyes glimmering like dying embers as they came to rest on her. She massaged the rigid form of his cock through the thin cotton of his underwear; felt it twitch in response to her touch. Up and down she stroked him, cupping his testicles and squeezing delicately, so that he sucked air loudly through his teeth in a hiss.

“All of this fuss just for me?” she asked breathily, kissing him just below his navel.

“Just for you,” he purred, using his index finger to tilt her chin up. “Are you going to take it?”

“Yes,” she agreed faithfully.

“All of it.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

He pushed her down onto her back and she wiggled a little side-to-side as she watched him remove the last remnants of his clothing before he fell onto her, his hips flush to hers. She could feel him pressing against her, urging his way inside. She took one deep breath and it came out in a long, low moan as he buried himself deep inside of her in one slow, delicious thrust.

“Fffuu- _ahhh_ ,” Ben groaned, quickly losing himself in her tight, warm hold. _“Damn it, Rey…”_

“Mmm,” Rey smiled dreamily, biting her lower lip. “More, please. Give me more…”

The world melted away around them. He thrusted deep and hard, until her moans turned into gasps and eventually they were soundless – her mouth hung open in that sexy ‘O’ shape, eyes squeezed tightly shut, as though her voice had been pulled from her chest. Sweat began to bead down the curve of his spine and between the swell of her breasts, where he buried his face, licking, biting, and sucking until finally she regained her ability to make sound. A sharp noise escaped her and she crashed down around him, her orgasm making her tremble uncontrollably below him. Her fingernails bit into his shoulders and he winced in pleasure at the sharp flashes of pain.

His own orgasm came seconds later, landing squarely on her belly. Then came the moment that now happened every time they had one of their little trysts; the moment they couldn’t quite make sense of yet. They lay with their foreheads pressed together, arms around one another, trying to catch their breath and reeling in the effect they had on one another. They weren’t dating – they never had, not in all the time they’d been roommates-with-benefits, but they both knew by now that sex never felt as good with anyone else. This moment was always the reckoning of that. The strange sensation where neither of them wanted to move, even though it scared them. And their eyes would always open to one another, and they would watch the delirium leave the other’s face after a while, and only then would they part as though nothing had ever happened in the first place. As if that moment had never even existed.

When they had both come down some, he dutifully cleaned her off with the tissues beside his bed. Afterward, they cooked chicken stew for supper and watched _Game of Thrones_ on the couch.

 

No matter how often they tried to ignore that moment that they were so afraid of, it lingered between them like a third entity, punctuating their every discussion somehow until Rey couldn’t ignore it anymore. She lay awake for much of the night, alone in her bedroom, mulling it over. It didn’t take her long to admit the truth; she’d known it deep down inside for quite a while now – maybe even since that fateful St. Patrick’s Day. When they’d decided to continue doing it, they had cited having fun and stress relief as their main reasons. But had it ever been truly innocent, meaningless sex?

No. It hadn’t. Not once.

The more she allowed herself to think about it, the farther she fell down her self-denial rabbit hole. She hadn’t been with anyone else in close to six months. She hadn’t even really _tried_ to be with anyone else. She didn’t want a relationship with some other guy. That meant she’d have to get to know them and start from scratch first. With Ben she didn’t have to worry about that. It was easy, and casual. He was always her friend first, before he was anything else. Maybe that’s why the sex was so good. Ben knew what she liked and didn’t like, and vice versa. With anyone else, she’d have to start over in learning those things, and the more she thought about it, the less she wanted to do it.

After all, there had always been something different about Ben Solo.

Something different, perhaps in the sense that he could always seem to tell when something was bothering her. Not that she was trying hard to hide it, just that no one else ever deemed it appropriate to ask.

“Alright, what’s wrong?”

Rey snapped her head up from the bowl of popcorn she’d been snacking on, which was just kernels now.

“Hm? Nothing…why?”

“Joffrey just choked on his own wedding cake and you didn’t even blow air out of your nose,” He gestured to the TV, where _Thrones_ was now paused. “When I saw that shit the first time, I was howling with righteous laughter. So what gives?”

Rey sighed, pushing the kernels around in the bottom of the bowl.

“I don’t know, I’m just…maybe I need to go to bed,” she mumbled.

“Is that so?” His fingers brushed the top of her shoulder as he pushed her hair back.

Rey stiffened in response to his touch. She hadn’t meant to; she’d just been trying really hard to avoid having _that moment_ with him again for the last month or so. She’d been thinking too much about it, and she had an involuntary reaction to the mere suggestion of its manifestation.

“Whoa,” Ben said, quickly pulling his hand away. “Okay, seriously. What gives?”

Rey winced, rolling pathetic eyes over to him, shoulders slouching.

“You’re really going to make me say it?” she whined.

Ben blinked. “Well…I don’t really know what ‘it’ is, so…maybe? Yes?”

Rey sighed, mulling the words over in her head carefully before speaking them.

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately,” she began, each word pronounced slowly and clearly. “About me, and you. About what we’re doing here.”

Ben understood. Something passed over his face, as quick as a flash of light, and he looked down at the space between them.

“Oh,” he said.

“Yeah. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I just…I-I can’t do it anymore, not like this.”

Those warm eyes of his flitted back to her face, his dark brow furrowing in puzzlement.

“What do you mean?” he asked. His voice got suddenly quiet. “You don’t want to have sex with me anymore?”

Rey’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “No, I do! I do. Just…Ben, I have to stop kidding myself. It’s unrealistic for us to keep this game going if I can no longer play by the rules.”

“I still don’t think I understand…”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip until it hurt. “What I’m saying is…it’s not just sex for me anymore. Not with you. …Do you understand now?”

He didn’t speak, but the crease between his eyebrows disappeared quite suddenly. It felt like a sharp chunk of ice just slid down into Rey’s stomach.

“I’m sorry…this is why I wasn’t going to say anything. I didn’t want to ruin everything between us…please don’t be angry, Ben.”

“I’m not angry,” he replied quickly, his voice barely a whisper. “I could never be angry at you.”

“So then what?” Rey asked, pleading. “What are you thinking right now?”

He was quiet for a moment, thinking it through.

“I’ve felt it, too,” he said. “Every time since the very first time. That moment, when I can’t quite tell where I end and you begin…when it’s just you and I and nothing else matters in the whole damn world. And every second when I’m not touching you, or close to you, feels like a fucking eternity because that’s _all I want to do_. All I can think about. And it’s maddening, and incredible, and…terrifying, because what we have is good. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Neither do I…”

“But…I can’t stop wanting it…wanting _you_ …”

“Oh, Ben.”

They pressed their foreheads gently together, each holding fast to the other.

“How did we ever think these consequences couldn’t touch us?” Rey asked. “The way you make me feel…I was foolish to believe it wouldn’t change things.”

“So was I,” Ben answered. “I tried to ignore it. But I’ve never wanted anyone more; never thought about someone more than you.”

His fingers danced gingerly across her collarbone, around her shoulder, down her arm, raising gooseflesh in their wake.

“You’re so warm,” he whispered, his voice huskier than before. “From the second I entered you the very first time, I knew I was screwed because sex would never be better with anyone else, and I was right.”

His hand was a warm pressure on her right hipbone, and she found it hard to focus on his words as it climbed up her stomach to her breasts, his thumb light as a feather as it skirted over her nipple.

“If I died tomorrow, I’d want to spend my last moments buried deep inside of you, listening to you moan. It’s such a beautiful sound…”

Her head lolled back, eyes fluttering closed. This must be what heaven felt like. His lips on her throat, hands cupping her breasts, that burning ache coming alive within her almost instantaneously in response to his touch.

“I want you now,” she sighed, “always.”

She felt him smile against her chest.

“Are you wet for me?” he asked in a purr. One hand moved south to cup her between her legs, massaging her there with the heel of his palm.

“ _Mmph…_ oh, yes,” she said.

“Good,” he murmured, nipping at her throat just below her ear. It tickled a little. “Come with me.”

Her legs felt wobbly as she followed him to his bedroom. It was funny; she’d been in that same room to do the same activity multiple times, but this time she felt nervous. It was so obviously different this time, but in an exciting way. She trembled just a little as she sat on the bed before him.

His thumb gently tugged her bottom lip away from her worrying teeth. Her eyes were wide and starry as she stared up at him in awe of what was happening. Her hands made quick work of his button and fly, almost like it was something she could do with her eyes closed and honestly, at this point, it probably was. She made a mental note to test that theory out another time.

He was already hard for her, but that didn’t stop her from taking his cock in her mouth and teasing him with her tongue. She could vaguely feel his fingers brushing her hair back and hear him breathe a little heavier. He felt heavy and warm in her mouth; he stiffened more at her intimacy.

Without verbal prompting he pulled himself out of her mouth, forcing her to look into his eyes, half-lidded as they were with desire.

“Do you want me inside of you?” he asked breathlessly.

“I need it,” she replied hoarsely.

He was going to take her right then and there, just as they were, but she redirected him, pulling him down onto the bed so he sat with his back to the headboard. He looked rather puzzled by this, but he did as she bade him nonetheless, too lost in his infatuation with her to argue or ask questions.

She approached him slowly, walking on her knees across the soft mattress, watching him, appreciating the impressive sight of his erection as it waited eagerly for the return of her touch. She took both his hands in hers, their fingers entwining, and straddled his hips. It was at this point that the pleasant realization dawned on his face. She wished to have control.

With minimal persuasion from her own hand, she sunk herself down onto him in such a way that he actually cried out in pleasure, his hands curling into fists atop the blanket. His mind seemed to melt, like his sanity was fading away. If she had asked him, in that moment, to climb the steepest cliff and jump off the top of it for her, he would have done it, no questions asked.

This peculiar emotion must have shown somehow on his face, for she traced the left side of his jaw with her finger and said, “I want to make you _feel_. Just like this.”

He relaxed at her words, his arms encircling her now, fingers pressing gently into the divots of her ribcage. Her every movement was a blessing; she lifted herself up, up, almost losing her grip on him, and then sunk down, farther and farther still, until she had every last inch of him inside her. Then she would swivel her hips in just such a way that it made him feel like he was on the very brink of his own demise before continuing the pattern over again.

His mouth paid tribute to her breasts, leaving erratic kisses, awakening her nipples to his touch. She threw her head back, making beautiful mewling sounds, fingers tensing hard upon his shoulders. She quickly lost control of her easy, fluid movements, trading them in for a faster approach. The bedframe squealed repeatedly in protest, but neither of them noticed.

“Rey…” Ben moaned against her chest. “Rey, I’m gonna come…”

She kissed him passionately on the mouth, her breath hot against his lips.

“Come inside of me,” she requested, pressing her forehead to his. “It’s okay.”

She had learned all about the wonderful world of birth control years ago, and was certainly reaping the benefits now. She couldn’t quite explain it, she just _needed_ to feel his release within her. She needed to experience that primal, intrinsic need, not for breeding purposes but just for herself. She craved that closeness that she could get no other way.

_“Ah!”_

He stiffened beneath her, his grip suddenly tighter, holding her still with himself fully immersed in her. The dizzying, pleasurable sensation of him losing himself beneath her brought on her own climax, and they crashed backward into the headboard, causing it to smack the wall with a heavy sound. They were both shaking as they held one another, and they stayed like that for much longer than normal, gazing deeply into one another’s eyes.

“So that was new,” Ben finally breathed after a long bought of panting.

Rey smiled, laughing breathlessly. She couldn’t argue with him there. They’d done this so many times, but it had never felt quite like _that_.

Ben smiled, kissing her deeply, making her head spin before finally pulling back.

“I like it.”


	38. one last wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all aboard the pain train for angst city

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/177184066972/do-you-take-prompts-still-if-you-still-do-could)

**Prompt: "Ben asks Rey to be his wife, as close to canon as possible" - Anonymous**

            The thick smoke finally cleared after what felt like an eternity and only after Rey had begun to choke on the hot, metallic fumes of gunfire. She half-expected to see nothing after it dissipated – she _hoped_ to see nothing. But there was always something.

            Off in the near distance, there was a body, dressed in black, covered in dust and blood. This was all that appeared to remain of Kylo Ren.

            He had stupidly crossed into Resistance territory and of course – _of course_ – they gunned him down. Rey’s mind was going a mile a minute, and she was no closer to rationalizing what could possibly have made him do something so reckless, knowing he was likely to die. Kylo was many things – temperamental, stubborn, arrogant – but he was not stupid. Not that stupid.

            She didn’t even hesitate. She took off running towards the body, despite the odd blaster shot being aimed at her. She dodged them like they were of no great concern to her, and in a way, they weren’t. The only thing she could see was his limp body off in the distance, occasionally blurred by her own hot, stinging tears.

            She slid on her knees to his side, scraping them completely raw, but she felt nothing. He had been hit in his ribcage, on his right side. One of his gloved hands clutched the wound in a feeble attempt to stifle it, but the blood trickled across his fingers nonetheless.

            He looked so pale – far paler than normal. As she cradled his head in her hands she realized how she had never noticed the beauty of his eyelashes; long and dark, they were shockingly obvious against the purple shadows beneath his eyes. A fine droplet of dark red blood seeped from the corner of his mouth.

            “Ben!” Rey sobbed, shaking him hopelessly. “Ben, please…you can’t be dead! You can’t die!”

            She hunched over him in her anguish, feeling it rack her body like a whip, leaving a sharp, bleeding wound in its place that she couldn’t touch. She had only felt this kind of intense pain once before in her life, when her parents left her behind. Her parents had mattered to her, and they left. _Kylo_ mattered to her now, and he was leaving, too.

            Her forehead came to rest on his chest as she gasped, the pain too tight around her lungs to allow her to get a good breath in. Her face contorted into pure heartbreak as she was finally able to catch some air, only to let it out in a painful, mourning scream.

            “You _can’t_ leave me,” she warbled, smelling the sharp, metallic scent of his blood so close to her face. “I won’t let you! You can’t…Ben…”

            “Rey…”

            At first, she thought it had been in her head. Her name coming from his mouth wasn’t even a possibility that occurred to her in that moment. But then she felt his chest rise and fall, just slightly, and her head shot up.

            He was looking back at her through lidded eyes which still held their familiar spark of light, despite the circumstances. He managed a feeble half-smile.

            “Ben!” Rey screamed, touching his face with her hands, making sure he still felt warm enough to be so alive. “But – how…?”

            He coughed, and tiny flecks of blood appeared on his lips. _Oh, Maker, it’s punctured his lung,_ she thought. Her hand instinctively went to his wound, applying her own pressure atop his hand. He didn’t wince, or moan, but just looked at her, clearly trying to gather whatever strength he had left.

            “How could you do that?!” Rey demanded, her voice breaking. “How could you be so _foolish_? So careless? Does your own life mean that little to you?!”

            “Yes,” he croaked feebly. “My life means nothing…without you in it.”

            “What are you talking about?” she pleaded, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks.

            “I came here to surrender,” Kylo wheezed, his voice slow and slurred. “I realized too late that I needed t-to find you…to be close to you, even if it was for the last time. I needed you to know…”

            Rey could hardly believe her ears. Had he gone insane?! Risking his life just to see her…she didn’t know whether to be flattered or maddened by such recklessness. And for what? Who was she? No one. Nothing.

            “Know what?” she asked. “Ben…”

            “That I love you,” he answered, his voice a raspy whisper. “That I’ve always loved you. That I no longer want anything to do with this stupid war, if it means I can’t be with you.”

            Rey sobbed, incredulous. “You got shot…just to tell me that?”

            He smirked. “I guess so. I just…wanted you to know.”

            Rey could feel her anger boiling inside of her; could sense the steam threatening to pour out of her ears. She wanted to scream at him, to pound on his chest with her fists, but it was of no use; they were both far too weakened for that anyhow.

            “A lot of good that does me now!” She tried to yell it at him, but it only came out as a whine. “I swear, if you survive this, I’ll kill you myself for being so rash!”

            “Please do,” he replied. “If I had to pick a way to die, that would be it. But I guess this might have to do.”

            Rey shook her head, sniffing. _This isn’t right_ , she thought. _This isn’t how this is supposed to end. Not here, not now. Not ever._

            “Why couldn’t things have been different?” she asked through her tears. “Why couldn’t we have met each other sooner? Why did it have to be like this?”

            “It’s how it was meant to be,” Kylo answered. His breath was starting to take on a rattling sound in his chest. “But you should know, in one life or another, I’d find you, somehow. And I would always fall in love with you, because you’re you. How could I not? I would…I would want to marry you, as I do now, only I’d ask you in a much better way than this. But you’d never have me. Certainly not now…”

            Rey’s glassy eyes widened. “What…?”

            “I w-want to be with you, Rey. Always,” he whispered.

            “Then stay,” she begged, allowing her tears to fall freely onto his chest. “Stay with me, right now. Don’t leave. We can be together, Ben, I promise. Just…stay.”

            “I’ll…stay…with you…”

            She gripped his hand, held it tight in her own.

            “Promise me,” she urged. “I need to hear you promise that you won’t leave me.”

            Ben wheezed, clearly trying to speak but finding it increasingly difficult to do so. Rey’s heart raced; she’d never seen him so injured that he couldn’t even sit up before. Panic settled into her bones like an old friend, making itself at home in their marrow, saturating her very soul.

            “Promise me, Ben!” Rey yelled, her voice an unnaturally high pitch from the fear of losing him. “And I promise I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you today, tomorrow…at the end of the galaxy, if need be. Just, please…”

            “I promise,” he said, with some effort.

            With his free hand, he reached towards her face where he could brush a stray tendril of her hair back behind her ear, his thumb wiping away a tear upon her cheek. She trembled at his touch, leaning her cheek into his palm, wishing he would never stop touching her. Wishing that he would never _have_ to stop.

            “You’re so beautiful,” he gurgled, more blood oozing from the corner of his mouth. “So…beautiful…”


	39. You...I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark!Rey x Padawan!Ben AU

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/177783218897/au-where-rey-is-snokes-apprentice-and-ben-is)

**Prompt: "AU where Rey is Snoke's apprentice and Ben is Luke's Padawan." - Anonymous**

                _Go._

                The voice entered her mind as silently as a snowfall, and yet she found herself jumping at its whispered command.

                _Kill them all._

                It was easier now than it had been at the start. Taking lives had always made her feel sick before. She would feel cruel and unjust; awaiting the day when the universe paid her back in full for her crimes. But now, she knew the difference between naivety and truth. There was power in death, and strength. She reaped what she sowed, and as each body fell around her feet she could feel the Force swarm like a thundercloud all around her, charged with electric energy.

                It made no difference to her, who these people were, or what they did. The Supreme Leader had told her to kill them all, and so she would. Their backstories meant nothing to her, and neither did their names. All that mattered to Rey was the kill, and fulfilling Snoke’s orders to destroy Skywalker’s Jedi Temple.

                The screams and the pleas for mercy almost started to sound like a beautiful symphony to her ears. It rose goosebumps along her arms. _Louder,_ she cried. _Sing for me louder!_

                The red, erratic glow of her double-ended saber reflected in the depths of her pupils and made her look half-crazed, which maybe she was. She enjoyed the look of complete fear on her victim’s helpless faces as they looked into the eyes of their killer and saw such evil. So much hatred and emptiness lingered in her eyes; shattered by darkness as they were, like a broken looking glass, smudged by the black smoke of angry flames.

                There was such a thrill in the hunt. It made her feel like she was floating. She could ride this high forever.

                But then, there was something _different_. Something that was hiding, not too far away. She could taste its horror; she could feel the sweat dripping down the back of its cold neck. But this particular something called to her; it had a certain grounding in the Force unlike any other Padawan she’d taken down yet, in all her years. It was a power that she recognized; a power she too possessed. Strength, agility, and mastery, with a wild, unhinged streak of chaos that could shift the galaxy. It spoke to her like a whisper on a warm breeze and she followed its call, focused only on finding its source.

                She followed her hunch to a half-collapsed hut which was quite well-sheltered behind a grove of half-burnt trees. Her feet made no sound on the grass as she stepped closer. She paused just a few feet away and reached out once more. A heartbeat separate from her own raced in her ears, pumping double-time. Of course, whatever was in there had to have sensed her getting close, but it was too late to escape now. If it wanted to run away, it was going to have to face her first. Her fist tightened around her weapon. It wasn’t going to win if it tried.

                It was dark inside the hut, and the coppery smell of blood tinged the air. Rey’s nose wrinkled as it hit her; that solid wall of death’s stench in tight quarters, inescapable and penetrating. And yet, despite that, she knew she was not alone in that hut. She could hear the shaky, restrained breathing of someone trying to keep quiet. She could feel their mounting panic, their deliriousness, and she grinned. _Come out and play with me…_

                Her saber ignited, bathing the hut in its red light, which flickered like flames against the mud walls and thatched roof. What she found, however, was not what she had been expecting.

                Two of her comrades lay dead, stacked on top of one another, the vicious gaping wounds in their torsos still lightly smouldering. And there, huddled as close to the farthest, crumbled wall as he could possibly be, was their killer.

                He was a human male, not much younger than Rey, with a mess of dark hair that fell across his damp forehead and hung over his large, scared eyes. Rey knew this boy, though. She’d never met him, and yet she knew him, or rather, she knew _of_ him. It was hard not to recognize his mother’s deep brown eyes, or his father’s sharp jawline. _Ben Solo. The prodigal son, and Luke Skywalker’s prized Padawan._

                The two locked eyes and something sparked between them; some deep connection that neither of them understood but both of them felt. The tiny hut filled with intensely palpable energy that raised every hair on their bodies and for a moment, for just a _moment_ , Rey faltered. The hand which held her weapon hung limply at her side, useless. When she realized this she wielded it above her head, eyes narrowing and teeth bared as her muscles tensed, prepared to bring it crashing down on the boy’s head.

                “Stop!” he cried, holding his hands up above his head although his own saber was on the ground by his thigh. He made no move to grab it. “Please…”

                She stalled. _Come on!_ She screamed to herself, trying anything to make herself move, to end this boy’s life. _This is what we’re here for! Kill them all!_ But her arms wouldn’t budge. She nearly screamed out of frustration, but he was looking at her, and it wasn’t a look of malice, nor was it a look of fear, as it had been just a moment ago. It was searching, questioning, and intrigued. Rey had never been looked at like that before. A surge of anger made her blood boil.

                “Why are you looking at me like that?” she snapped. “Stop it!”

                “Why aren’t you killing me?” he asked, his deep voice echoing off the thick walls of the hut.

                “I…I don’t—” Rey stammered, growing even more annoyed at herself. He had done nothing to disarm her and yet she felt incapable of movement. _He can’t have that much power, it’s impossible…_

                “I know you,” he interrupted. Those eyes searched her again, appearing to look straight into her soul, or whatever remained of it. “I’ve seen you in my dreams.”

                He stood slowly, making sure she saw that he left his saber on the ground. Rey, against her better judgement, sheathed her saber and stared up, eyes narrowed, into the face of Ben Solo. He was handsome, for a Jedi. He had blood on his robes that certainly wasn’t his own. And there was something in his gaze…something dark and repressed that Rey also recognized in herself. It spoke to her very core and for a long moment she couldn’t look away, not even if she wanted to.

                A blaster shot came from behind, jolting them both out of the strange trance they’d been in. It felt like something had jumped up and bit Rey in the calf. She yelped and staggered, falling to one knee. When she looked over her shoulder to see her attacker, all she caught sight of was the barrel of a gun.

                “No!”

                The shout came from Ben. There was an electric _whirr_ and a hum, and suddenly the room was flooded in a sharp blue light. Orange and yellow sparks cascaded from the spot where the blade of his saber had expertly blocked the second blaster shot. There was a wide flash of blue as Ben swung the blade around and up to point it at the shooter, who stared back at him in alarm.

                “What are you doing?!” the man demanded. “That’s Snoke’s apprentice! Kill her!”

Rey could tell by the man’s voice that he was afraid of Ben. Wary, now that Solo had a saber in his hand. _Why?_ What had Ben done to give this man a reason to fear him?

“I know who she is,” Ben replied shortly. “I will take care of it. Now go, before I kill you.”

The man vanished in an instant.

Ben sheathed his weapon and knelt down beside Rey, who was now looking at him through fresh new eyes. _Who is this boy, who looks so meek and quiet yet has such dark potential?_ He could be quite useful to the Supreme Leader, but Snoke would never allow Rey to keep a pet. _Surely Skywalker knows of his Padawan’s talents…_

“You’re hurt,” he observed, pointing to the wound on her leg. The flesh there was raw, and it burned as though on fire.

“I am,” Rey answered, puzzled by his comment. “Are you not going to take advantage of my weakness and strike me down?”

The corner of his mouth twitched.

“Why would I do that? I can help you, if you’ll let me.”

He stood, and offered her his hand. She stared at his palm quizzically, wondering what his trick would be. If she took his hand, would he pull her up and spit her like a chunk of roasting meat? Or would he break her wrist to destabilize her and then snap her neck? Her eyes wandered up to his, looking for her answer. She found no such thing.

“Why would you help me?” Her eyes narrowed in speculation.

“Because I know you somehow,” he answered, “and I need to know why.”

Slowly, with more curiosity than wariness, Rey took his hand.


	40. into the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Reylo Red Riding Hood AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on a classic. Halloween-inspired ;) Enjoy!
> 
> at night it came,  
> darkness in the river,  
> in the jungle,  
> in the sky  
> inside my body,  
> opening the window  
> of fog,  
> i looked at him,  
> who held me in my dreams.
> 
> \- "A Dark Dark Night" poem by Ritty Patnaik

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/178932134422/reylo-prompt-reylo-red-riding-hood-au)

**Prompt: "Reylo Red Riding Hood AU?" - Anonymous**

          She hated this walk.

          The gnarled, bare branches of the trees stretched to the sky like they wanted to tear down the sun. As she moved amongst their trunks, they looked all the more like clawed fingers, slowly curling in on her, clutching her within a fist of earth like a bird trapped in a cage. The animals tittered and howled in the foggy distance and their calls echoed back to her as though coming from another dimension. She certainly felt like she was straddling the border between two planes of existence: on the one side, rationality and safety; on the other, devils and demons and death.

          Oh, yes, she hated this walk.

          Rey always tried to visit Maz Kanata before the leaves turned yellow and the snow started to fall and it became too cold and treacherous to reach her cozy little house deep in the woods. Maz was like a grandmother to Rey, and their visits were always something she looked forward to. But this time around certain unforeseen events had kept Rey behind schedule, and now she found herself travelling in the midst of autumn, as everything died around her and the wind had a nasty bite to it. She surreptitiously pulled the hood of her crimson cloak further down over her head.

          The sun had already sunk past the tops of the trees. It was naturally dark this far into the woods as the branches formed a canopy overhead and blocked out much of the sunlight. But at this time of day it felt extra dark and dreary. A strange grey mist lingered low to the ground, stirred up by the motion of Rey’s feet as she walked. She could hear the night animals coming to life within the woods as the moon gained its power up above.

          There was a strange scent on the air. Metallic and salty…the smell of fresh blood. But there was something else, too. Something muskier and somehow more feral. Something alive, with a beating heart sending thick, hot blood pulsing through its veins. Something _close_.

          _Crack!_

          A twig, breaking under the weight of something, its dying scream going off like a gunshot in the thickness of the trees; the noise reverberated off the trunks and made Rey gasp and pause, her heart picking up its pace considerably. She cast a wary glance around the woods, squinting at every shadow, searching for something that moved.

          There was nothing. Nothing but trees, and mist, and darkness.

          She kept on walking, a little faster now. The fresh fruits, cheeses and bread in her basket felt heavier now and she couldn’t wait to be relieved of her burden. She came to a fork in the path and habitually took the right lane – the way to Maz’s house. _Almost there,_ she told herself.

          She was almost to the little babbling creek with its stone bridge. Maz’s house was just on the other side of the bridge and over the hill. But before she could place so much as a toe upon the bridge, something stopped her. A voice, deep, seductive and rumbling, seemed to emanate from the trees themselves, as though they were all speaking in unison in one strong, echoing chorus.

          “What are you doing all by yourself this far into the woods?” it asked.

          Rey wanted to scream, or run, or do _anything_ other than stand there, but she found herself to be frozen to the spot. Her entire body felt stiff and she felt useless at its refusal.

          “I-I’m going to a friend’s house,” she answered unwillingly.

          “My, my…a friend? All the way out here…?” The voice grew louder. It was getting closer.

          Rey swallowed a painful lump of anxiety. Something cold settled into her stomach and filled it with frost. She had heard stories, back in the town, about these woods being haunted, but she had never believed in ghosts until now. And she only believed it was a ghost because the other options were far scarier.   

          “Didn’t your _friend_ tell you it’s dangerous to be out in these woods alone at night?” the voice asked, its low timbre reaching an almost unbearable pitch.

          Rey squared her shoulders, stood up a little taller. “I can handle myself,” she answered, as firmly as she could.

          The voice laughed, and Rey suddenly knew what the Devil sounded like. It was a sound like silk – soft and smooth, in the way that just makes a person want to run their fingers through it. Incredibly warm and inviting and seductive…nearly impossible to resist, and yet it instilled such a sharp fear in her at the same time. The kind that makes a body shake and tremble all over.  

          “I’m sure you can,” the voice purred. “But can you handle me?”

          “Who are you?” she demanded, wide eyes darting side-to-side, up and down.

          “I am the Dark,” it answered. Its voice moved all around her, coming from all directions like a swirling wind. “I am your greatest fears and your deepest thoughts. I am the space between star and moon. I am the darkest corner of your room at night, the one you keep looking back at, to make sure it isn’t going to eat you up while you sleep.”

          There was a strange _whoosh_ sound and, when next it spoke, the voice came from one place only: right in front of her. She was afraid, and so, so cold, but her bravery still remained in her somewhere, turned down to a low flame.

          “What do they call you?” she asked the darkness. “For you can’t just be named the Dark.”

          The voice was amused by this. “Here they call me Kylo Ren. But I have many different names, in many different places.”

          “And what do you look like?”

          “Whatever you want me to look like. I am everywhere. I am everything.”

          “Are you human? Were you ever?”

          “No. But I can be.”

          “Show me.”

          From the darkness between the trees a man emerged, and he was everything Rey had not been expecting. Tall, with dark hair framing his pale, handsome face, he was unique in a way she couldn’t quite explain. He looked like no man Rey had ever seen before, and yet undeniably human all at the same time. He was what she imagined an immortal to look like. Maybe a fallen angel, even. He wore a fine dark suit with ruby collar pins and he had a strange necklace on. As Rey looked closer, she realized with some horror that it was made up of wolf teeth, gleaming white, arranged exactly as they would have been inside the wolf’s mouth, and just as sharp.

          The shock of seeing him step into the fading light made Rey lose her grip on her basket. It fell to the mossy floor and its contents rolled out of it, but Rey could hardly move to pick it up. The man’s eyes flickered to her dropped parcel and he smirked. Rey felt like all the breath in her lungs had been stolen out her mouth.

          “Was all this for your friend?” he asked, eyes glimmering at her.

          Rey nodded, too stunned to speak.

          He stepped closer and closer still, circling around her, appraising her from all angles. Rey could smell him now and she picked up those familiar notes of blood she had smelled previously. But he also smelled undeniably of earth, of the woods themselves. It was fragrant in a not unpleasant way; like the gentle perfume of newly-turned leaves and grass, dipped in the fresh glacier water that fed the little creek. It was intoxicating in a way she hadn’t been expecting and before she realized it, her body wasn’t tensed up anymore. But he was still closing in on her, watching her, learning from her without asking a single question.

          “I like your cloak,” he complimented, daring to touch the hem of her hood with his index finger, as though he were touching the delicate wings of a butterfly. “Such a lovely colour…though not well-camouflaged in here. I saw you the second you crossed the road into my woods.”

          “Your woods?”

          “Yes,” he answered with a deadly flash of a grin. “I suppose that makes you my guest.”

          He stood before her now, so close she could feel the mysterious energy radiating off of him; pleasantly warm in nature, like a patch of sunlight filtered through a window. She looked into his eyes and all else fell away. She felt as though she was existing outside of her body; floating, without a care in the world…and yet more powerful than she had ever imagined. It coursed through her veins like a terminal disease, changing her, altering her body’s chemistry in ways she didn’t even recognize.

          “I know you, Rey,” he whispered to her, for only her ears to hear. His voice was softer now and he spoke from inside her mind, awakening her to him. It was like a long, dark curtain had finally been pulled back, and she could see only him now, the way it was meant to be.

          “I’ve always known you, from the time you were born. I watched over you as you slept, hidden as I was in the corners of your nursery. I watched you grow up, and I watched you walk through these woods every year to visit your friend. I know who you are, and what you hide from others and yourself. I was called to you; to the darkness you hold within. Wouldn’t you like to release that darkness? Wouldn’t you like to live freely, deliciously, with me?”

          The tip of his finger caressed the underside of her chin, tilting her lips up towards his. She watched as his gaze fell to the enticing swell of her mouth and her eyes seemed to close of their own volition, tempted as they were by him…

          “These woods could be ours,” he offered. His breath was like a cool autumn breeze as it slipped between her lips and over her tongue. She could taste him, and she wanted more. “I could show you the Night like you’ve never seen it before. You could rule it, with me; we could be more powerful than you know. I can show you love like you’ve never experienced, I could touch you where you’ve never been touched…I could make you feel all the things you’ve never felt before…”

          “Rey…join me...”

          “Yes,” she breathed, her voice no longer sounding like her own. “Take me…”

          Her heart beat fast in her ears. For just a second she thought she felt the soft, tempting curve of his bottom limp glance across hers, but it was over before she could tell.

          “Rey? Are you out here?”

Another voice, wholly different this time, broke the spell. Rey blinked, her eyes opening to the woods, now completely shadowed in night. _How much time has passed?_ She wondered. It felt like she was just waking up after a long nap and slowly coming back into her own body. Her mouth tingled, as though to remind her it had all been real.

“Rey!”

Maz’s voice startled her. It sounded too loud. She spun around in time to see the short, agile old woman crest the bridge, carrying a lantern aloft in one hand. As her eyes, engorged by her prescription lenses, fell upon the young girl in the red cloak, Maz heaved a sigh of relief.

“There you are! I was getting so worried! I was expecting you over an hour ago and when you didn’t show up I came looking for you. What happened?” She gestured to the spilled contents of Rey’s basket, still scattered upon the ground.

“Oh…” Rey’s tongue felt heavy. Words came to her slowly, travelling through the thick sludge of her frazzled mind. “I just…fell. I must have hit my head…I don’t remember.” She bent to pick up the food, too afraid to look into Maz’s eyes lest she see that Rey was not telling the truth.

“Poor child!” Maz exclaimed. “Here, let me get that. Let’s get you to the house. I’ll fix you up some soup and hot cocoa and we’ll get your head feeling better.”

Once Maz had replaced everything into Rey’s basket, she took the girl’s hand and tugged firmly on it.

“Come on, now. It’s far too dangerous to be out alone in these woods at night.”

“Yes,” Rey whispered, looking over her shoulder. “I suppose it is.”

She thought she saw the gleam of wolf’s teeth flash at her from within the shadows, but perhaps it had just been her eyes playing tricks on her.


	41. haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a halloween reylo ghost AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no prompt for this one. just felt like having some seasonal fun!

moodboard by the lovely [ben-organa](http://www.ben-organa.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. thank you so much!

 

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/179432447047/haunted-a-halloween-reylo-ghost-au-read-it-on-ao3)

            When Rey decided to put an offer in on the old Victorian house at the far end of town, on a dead-end street, all of her friends tried their best to talk her out of it.

            “It’s creepy” they said. “No one has lived there in over twenty years.” “And yet, sometimes, people say they see the lights on inside!” They even went so far as to spin a tale about a shadowy black cat that would manifest on the wooden posts at the top of the stairs, bright yellow eyes gleaming like demonic twin lanterns. But just as quickly as one could spot it, it would vanish into thin air. Rey could only laugh at these stories because she thought believing them could be nothing short of foolish. Finally, with as calm an air as ever, she would tell them with the utmost confidence, “Ghosts aren’t real.”

            Yet her friends would continue their tirades, and they would all agree on one particularly vague testimony:

            “There is something wrong with that house.”

            Her offer went through because, as the realtor explained, no one else had put an offer in on the house for nearly ten years. Rey got the distinct impression that the realtor wanted desperately to get this house off of her hands and, while it did worry her a little, her logical brain attributed it to structural faults within the house. Nothing she couldn’t fix, she was sure. She could be quite handy, when she needed to be.

            The first time she unlocked the large, ornately carved front door by  herself, the interior took her breath away – as it had when she had viewed it for the first time with her realtor. The ceilings were high and vaulted, the windows tall and beautifully styled, with a grand spiral staircase curling up to the second floor. A gorgeous stained glass picture window dominated the foyer and told the story of a fallen prince, tempted by love. The hardwood floors were all original (and in need of a good polish). Rey set her first load of bags down upon them and walked over to the artistic window; eye-catching as it was, she couldn’t convince herself to stay away. With one long, delicate finger, she wiped a smattering of dust from the dark reflection of the prince’s hair, delighting in the smooth coldness of the coloured glass. Never once in this time did she feel like she was being watched. But she was.

            A man, tall and well-built, with broad shoulders and arms hard with muscle, was leaning on the banister of the second floor railing, watching her with intense curiosity through the dreamy eyes of one who has been left alone for many years. As he leaned forward just a little more, a lock of his dark hair fell in his eyes. He paid it no mind, however. How could he, when something much more deserving of his attention had just entered into his house?

            He thought she was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a very long time. She had a brightness to her that he could physically see; it swirled around her like golden dust, shimmering, falling and curling along her skin, emanating from her very soul. And she was touching his artwork! His design, his story… _him_ , for he could almost feel the gentle caress of her finger through the threads of his own hair as if he himself existed as a part of the window – the fallen prince, no longer of flesh and blood.

            His eyes fluttered closed in pleasure for a brief moment before they snapped back open, reawakened by another one of his dreary thoughts, which so often plagued him in the afterlife.

            Yes, she was good and pure. She was also alive. He was none of these things and never could be. She didn’t even know he was there, watching her, existing in the same space as her but only on a different plane; it was as though a curtain kept them apart, and if only it could be pried back, just a little…just enough so that she could see him…

            Curious, and perhaps a little masochistic, he picked up a small stone from beside his shoe and carelessly tossed it over the railing. It fell soundlessly for a split second before it collided with the hardwood floor, bouncing and rattling upon its surface. The impact made a sharp noise that echoed throughout the empty house. Rey gasped and jumped, spinning around, her eyes wide in alarm. It didn’t take her long to spy the small rock, now lying stationary a few feet away from where it had initially landed. Cautiously, she walked over to it, picked it up, inspected it closely. As she connected the dots her eyes roamed upwards, to the second floor railing. Although those hazel-coloured beauties swept left and right, their intrepid gaze did not once land upon the man who watched, but rather cut straight across him as though he wasn’t even there at all.

            And that’s because he wasn’t. Not really.

            No, she could not see him, or hear him, or even feel him. He was a ghost and she, she was a living breathing light.

            The man resigned himself to his bedroom in the attic, where he lingered with the spiders and the dust. It reeked of death and decay in there – of stale air and suffering. It was his prison for all eternity. And as he crossed the room to the small attic window that overlooked the dead-end street, his boots didn’t even swirl the thick layer of dust upon the floor.

            He wanted to leave her be, he really did. He stayed up there for the rest of the day. But he could hear her down below the entire time, singing to herself and moving things around. For a little while it sounded like others had joined her and he looked out his window to spy a moving truck out front, and two men in coveralls were carrying furniture out of it.

            She kept working until long after the sun had gone down. But eventually all sound ceased, and the man knew she had retired for the night. He wanted desperately to see her again; it had been so long since he had shared this space with any living person that the idea of her, breathing and dreaming in a bedroom just down the hall, excited and intrigued him. He couldn’t remember what it felt like to breathe. To have a heartbeat. To feel tired. Those things simply did not exist for him anymore.

            As he entered the bedroom that had once been his, his eyes immediately fell upon her reposed form, resting peacefully atop the queen-sized mattress with its lilac sheets. Her chest rose and fell slowly and her eyelids twitched every now and again, following something in a dream. Her soft brown hair was spread out on the pillow around her like a crown. The moon crept in through a crack in the curtains and fell so delicately upon her cheek, highlighting the soft angles and curves of her face with a silvery-white brushstroke.

            If his lungs still functioned, she would have taken his breath away.

            He wanted to touch her cheek as the moonlight did; he wished to feel how soft it was, how warm it was with all that blood still pumping beneath it. It had been a very long time since he had craved life again, but in this moment he wanted it more than anything. He wanted her to be able to feel his touch; he wanted it to be as warm as hers, not cold and dead like it was. He wanted to brush that stray hair away from her face and watch her dreamy smile appear as it broke through the fog of sleep to reach him. _Oh, I wish you could see me…_

            One knuckle upon her cheekbone, as light as a feather, sweeping inwards slowly, savouring the touch.

            But then her eyes snapped open.

            With a sharp gasp her lips fell away from one another and her eyes, wide, re-accustomed themselves with the ceiling. The man jumped back, equally shocked. _That’s not possible,_ he thought. _Can she feel me?_

            Her chest heaved and she sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. The man stood near the foot of the bed, not daring to move. What if she could see him, too? But alas, her eyes, although sleepy, did not seem to find him. Instead, she yawned and stood, her ankles cracking generously, and grabbed the now empty glass from her bedside table. And then, clearly heading to the kitchen for a refill on water, she walked right through him.

            It is an odd sensation for both parties when a living person walks through a ghost. For the ghost, there is a strange feeling of hollowness, and the nasty reminder that they are, in fact, dead. For the living, they may not even recognize what they have done, but they do feel it. A coldness, unmatched by any winter night, which seems to saturate the skin and bones of a person. It almost caresses their heart and makes it beat faster, as though jealous of the fact that their heart works. Rey felt this sensation now and she stumbled, nearly dropping the glass to the floor. She cast her gaze over her shoulder, perplexed by the sudden spot of cold air, but when she found nothing she continued on out the door, her movements a little more stilted than before.

            The man watched her go, and his shoulders fell. Sure, she could feel him. But not in the way he would like. Now, though, he felt a surge of determination. If she could feel his coldness, could she feel anything else? Would she want to? There was only one way for him to find out, and that was to make her very aware of his presence. This was incredibly tricky business, for it could only go one of two ways: she could grow curious enough to investigate on her own, or she would be terrified and leave, like everyone else. But there was a key difference between Rey and everyone else. The man had wanted all those other people to leave. He didn’t want Rey to.

            It took a solid four months of living in that house before Rey started to think that her friends may have been on to something.

            It started small. Things would move on their own, like a glass or a pen, or the book she was reading. The television remote was moved from the coffee table to the top of the TV, where it rested precariously on the edge of the flat screen. These were small things, but things she couldn’t deny nonetheless.

            But then, one morning as she was getting home from a run, she began to ascend the steps to the house when she was greeted by a raspy meow nearby. Startled, she nearly screamed before the sound was constricted in her throat as if trapped there by phantom hands. When she looked up she was greeted by the golden eyes of a large black tomcat, perched atop the railing post. Its long tail twitched back and forth in a hypnotizing fashion, swirling like smoke. It tilted its head at her, as if to ask what she was doing. Her heart was hammering in her chest and so her hand trembled as she slowly stretched it out towards the cat’s nose, so that it may sniff her. It did so, its intensely bright eyes narrowing slightly, but as soon as its ice-cold nose made contact with her fingertip, the cat vanished as though it had been blown away in the breeze.

            Rey yelped at this startling turn of events, her mind reeling, trying desperately to rationalize whatever she had just witnessed. When it came to no conclusions, she fished around in her pockets for her keys, nearly dropping them upon the step out of fear. Then, without looking back, she turned around and got into her car, wasting no time firing up the engine and driving away.

            In the attic window there stood a man, looking down on the street, watching her leave. But no one could see him, not even if they tried. And so he faded into the shadows and let his loneliness consume him once more. _She’s gone, like all the others, never to return._

            Meanwhile, Rey was still trembling as she entered the town library. She struggled to keep her voice even as she asked for the archives. Her arms felt useless as they carried the burden of books, ledgers and folders over to an empty table in the far back corner of the library. Once she was sitting down, she opened the first document: an organized record of each house on her street, including her own, dating back ninety years.

            _This is ludicrous,_ she thought. _I know ghosts aren’t real. That’s why I will never breathe a word of this to anyone…_

            It was nearly twenty minutes before she found an answer to her question. A young man, thirty years old, had died in her house almost forty years ago. His name had been Ben Solo; a young artist on the rise, made popular by his intricate stained glass designs. It appeared he had gotten caught up in the wrong crowd, for he had wound up murdered by a vengeful gunshot wound to the chest, taking his last breaths on the spiral staircase of the house. She even found a picture of him, buried between land title agreements, and her jaw dropped. He had the long, fine nose of an aristocrat, but his lips were built for temptation and his eyes were terribly sad. Their depths appeared about as haunted as Rey’s home. She thought she recognized something in his handsomely coifed hair, and suddenly her mind was flooded with recollections of the prince in the window. _His_ window.

            And suddenly she was on the hunt for a completely different kind of resource: how to communicate with spirits. All the methods seemed too far-fetched or complicated at first, involving herbs and an “open third eye” – things she didn’t really have on hand at the moment (or understand, truth be told). A lot of it seemed to be based on _feeling_ ; on reaching out and making an honest attempt at sensing the spirits all around. There was one passage about “lifting the veil” that she found partially interesting, but it didn’t give her a real answer to her question.

            Finally, she found something she could handle in an old book from the 1970s. It recommended using a Ouija board – one of those old games made by the same company responsible for hits like Monopoly. She couldn’t resist rolling her eyes at the thought of a mass-marketed, glorified toy allowing her to communicate with the spirit world, but everything else she had read thus far had just been too out of her reach. At least with this option she knew she could find the required materials in the local Wal-Mart.

            Fifteen dollars and a lot of rationalizing later, she was back home, sitting in her car, appraising her house from a distance. _There is something wrong with that house._ As she looked into its darkened windows, half-expecting someone to be looking back at her from within, she shivered and then steeled herself. Maybe there was something wrong with the house, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle.

            She brought her purchase inside. The house was eerily quiet; more so than it had been before, she thought. She grabbed four candles from the bathroom and set them up at the top of the spiral staircase, lighting all of them. Then, she pulled her Ouija board from inside its box and set it in the middle of the candles; the yellow-orange glow of their flames reflected in the smooth, shiny surface of the board, captivating her attention for only a moment. For some strange reason she couldn’t quite explain, the board, although made from plastic and nothing substantial, made her feel incredibly uneasy. It was as if she had just opened a door to nowhere, with nothing but darkness on the other side.

            The planchette came next, and she set it in the middle of the board. Then, she crossed her legs and sat down before it, delicately placing her fingertips upon the planchette; not enough to move it, but just enough to feel it under her hands. She took two deep breaths to calm herself and then moved the planchette in three clockwise circles, returning it to the middle of the board when she was done.

            Her throat felt impossibly dry. To swallow hurt, but she pressed on regardless and began to speak.

            “Are there spirits in this house?” she asked. “If so, please answer my call.”

            Ben’s head snapped up from the dark corner he had been brooding in. He felt a strange tug from behind his navel and stood, quickly following the phantom string which seemed to pull him towards the staircase where he had died all those years ago. His eyes travelled up those cursed steps and landed on her, all the way at the top, her eyes on the Ouija board, waiting for him to speak to her.

            He could hardly wrap his head around it. _She wants to speak with me? But why?_ No one had ever done this before.

            “Ben?” Her voice sounded so sweet saying his name. It was like a siren song and he was helpless to resist. His feet automatically began to climb the steps.

            “Are you there? Can you speak with me? I…I know you’re here, in this house. I know you died here on these very steps.”

            He paused a quarter of the way up, jolted by her words. _How does she know?_

            “Are you trapped here? Are…are you angry?”

            _“No…”_ He cleared the rest of the steps two at a time until he was right before her, until he could feel the breath of the candles’ flames cut through him like water through smoke.

            “Please…” Her voice trembled now and her brow pinched together in an effort to fight off the fear. “Are you going to hurt me if I stay here?”

            He nudged the planchette so that it pointed to ‘NO’.

            Rey gasped as she felt the object move beneath her fingers, although she was barely touching it herself. It seemed impossible. As she read her answer out loud she shivered visibly.

            “C-can you see me?” she asked.

            ‘YES’ he answered.

            The adrenaline was rushing through her veins now. This was it. This was him! Ben Solo. Talking to her from the afterlife; from behind the veil. A thousand thoughts roared through her mind but she could focus on none of them. The only thing she could do was keep asking questions.

            She rolled her shoulders, straightened her back. Took another deep breath.

            “What is it that you want?”

            The planchette twitched beneath her hands as if deciding how to answer. But then it began to glide across the board, and as each letter appeared in the planchette’s eye, Rey read it aloud, piecing the word together as the clues came.

            ‘TOUCH’.

            Rey took in a sharp breath. “You want…to touch me…?”

            ‘YES’.

            She steadied herself. _Alright,_ she thought. _If this is all real…and it’s not a joke…then maybe…_

            Slowly, like she was approaching a scared animal, she stretched her hand out in front of her, keeping her elbow bent, fingers reaching, trying to feel for anything but empty air. For a while that was all she felt. She was almost ready to give up when she decided to take one more breath and concentrate. There was a shift, somewhere in the background of reality, that she could just barely feel. But once it had passed, there was something left behind. Something solid and seemingly real – four fingertips, touching her own with the same gentleness she had applied to the planchette.

            Her eyes flew open and she nearly screamed when she saw the man crouched before her on the steps, his own soft eyes open wide at the sight of their hands _touching_. At the sound of her shock he looked up and their eyes locked for the very first time, and he got the distinct impression that she was not looking through him, as was usually the case, but rather she was looking _at_ him. Her eyes, both scared and amazed, travelled across his face and down his torso, never leaving his form. He seemed real enough, but there was something about him: some faded quality that she couldn’t quite place, which made him stand out from the rest of the world around him.

            “Ben…?” she whispered. “You’re Ben Solo…aren’t you?”

            His jaw went slack and for a moment he felt as though he had died again; like his soul had left his physical body for the second time. He could hardly believe it, for it had never been done before. And yet here they were, two souls from two different planes of existence, recognizing one another.

            “You…you can s-see me…?” he whispered, trembling with emotion.

            She nodded, too stunned to speak for the moment.

            “And…you can feel me?” He slid his hand up her palm and watched her react by doing the same until her fingers brushed the inside of his wrist.

            Again, she nodded.

            How was this possible? This girl, this beacon of light and life had succeeded in something he had failed in for decades. She had brought him, full-bodied, into her realm with only a touch. He couldn’t help but ask himself if she was some kind of angel, come to earth to save the souls of the wicked. But that couldn’t be – it was too late to save his soul. Wasn’t it? He was already dead after all. But then…he circled back to the same old question: _how is this possible?!_

            He didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to break their connection lest he disappear again. If she was the only thing keeping him anchored to this plane the last thing he wanted was to lose his grip. But then she did something that completely floored him: with her other hand, she reached out and brushed her knuckles along his cheekbone, as he had done to her on her first night in the house. His hand covered hers with abandon, eyes lighting up, feeling the bump of each of her knuckles, the curve of each of her fingers. This was practically magic! He wanted to cry, if only he could. His joy burst forth in the form of laughter instead, the sound of which hadn’t been heard in forty years. She smiled too, and that only made him feel lighter.

            “How are you doing this?” he asked.

            She shook her head. “I don’t know…I didn’t even believe in ghosts before today. But now…”

            “Now you believe in me?”

            “Yes…I do.”

            “Thank you,” he whispered, cupping the side of her face in one palm. “Thank you for believing.”

            He leaned forward so that he might kiss her cheek, and she closed her eyes slowly, waiting with an eagerness she hadn’t expected to feel the touch of his lips on her skin, but it never came. Instead, a harsh, unnaturally cold wind blew in from an open window and extinguished all the candles. It tousled Rey’s hair and seeped through her clothes to raise goosebumps on her skin. When she opened her eyes, Ben was gone, and she was sitting alone in a dark and empty house. All the breath rushed from her lungs and blackness crept into the edge of her vision before it consumed her completely and she collapsed on the floor in a faint.

            Ben opened his eyes in the attic and in an instant his heart sank.

            _“No…”_ he moaned, eyes falling to the closed door. _“No!”_

            His hand flew to the doorknob but it would not move under his grip no matter how hard he tried to twist it.

            _“No! Put me back! I want to go back!”_ he screamed soundlessly.

            His fists banged on the door relentlessly but they had no effect upon it. He was trapped within the attic.

            _“PUT ME BACK!”_

When he realized it was of no use, he slumped down to his knees, pressing his forehead to the hard wood of the door. His heart, such as it was, ached more than it ever had when he’d been alive. His body shook with sobs that he could never cry; his lungs pined for air he couldn’t breathe. It was in this moment that he realized pain never faded, not even after death. It just became more inescapable.


	42. just tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part II of "haunted" - NSFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween, reylos! this one's for you.

 

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/179633398717/just-tonight)

He had been visiting her in her dreams.

                Something had happened that night with the Ouija board. It had opened a portal between the two of them and then just as quickly closed it, apparently for good. They had tried and tried afterward to reopen it to no avail. Ben’s hand went through hers, and Rey only felt his coldness.

                But in dreams, they could be whoever they wanted to be; do whatever they wanted to do. So that’s where they would meet, every night, to be together. At first it had frightened Rey, because it made her dreams seem so impossibly real that distinguishing them from reality was difficult for her brain to do. But after a while it got easier, and easier still.

                She found herself going to bed earlier than ever before. She no longer forgot to brush her hair or teeth before going to sleep. The mere sight of her pillows, satin sheets, and thick comforter excited her like never before. It was no longer just a bed. It was their new portal. A doorway to another world, one where she could freely communicate with the dead, as though they had never departed from the living.

                For his part, Ben would get increasingly anxious as the night loomed closer. He would pace around in the attic, worrying his lip between his teeth and thinking about what he would like to show her that night, for there were any number of things they could do. But he would always come back to the same answer every time: he wanted to ask her about her day, and listen to her talk. He wanted to just be close to her, to feel the life that radiated from her like sunbeams. Being with her was addicting, and he was an addict of the least formidable kind.

                He wanted her to stay with him, always, but he would never, _ever_ ask her for that. He couldn’t. It was far too selfish, even for him. _She has such a life to live. Who am I to ask her to give it up for…this? This plain, lonely existence between worlds. This deep, cold ache in the ribcage that never goes away…The sad, impossibly loud sound of a heart that no longer beats._

His heart may have stilled long ago, but he still felt it leap when he saw her eyes land on him in recognition.

 

                It was October 31st. Halloween. All the goblins and monsters were roaming the streets, the real ones being indistinguishable from the children. Ben watched them from his attic window. He listened to the doorbell ring every few minutes, and Rey would answer to a resounding chorus of “Trick or treat!” She was dressed like a princess, in a flowing pink and gold gown with a sparkling crown of jewels atop her head. She had done her makeup, something she rarely ever did, and her hair was decorated with braids like a Viking Queen. She looked incredible, and he couldn’t wait to tell her so.

                It was hard, waiting. Especially on Halloween. He had felt the change take over him at the stroke of midnight; weak at first, it would only grow stronger as the night came, and would last until the witching hour. The walls between realms melted away for one day out of the year, and all the ghosts and demons could come out to play, free to roam outside of their jail cells. Some made a big deal out of it, with traditions and the like. They would plan their whole non-existence around it. But not Ben. He’d never really had a reason to care until now. Where would he go? What would he do? He had no one here who grieved for him anymore. He didn’t care for scaring people who hadn’t given him a reason to do so. It was just another day.

                But not this year. This year, he had Rey.

                He could have greeted her that morning, but he didn’t. He wanted to surprise her later. So it was very damn hard for him to wait.

                _Why did I do this?_ He thought, more than once. _I could go down there right now and she could see me. I could touch her…hold her. Kiss her…_

                But each time he withheld from descending, somehow. His willpower was going to be worn to threads by the time it was safe to see her.

                But, then again, he had always liked to be tested.

                As the night grew stronger, so too did he. The power of the full moon outside coursed through his veins like blood once had. It reached such a pitch that he could no longer wait, and as he heard the door close downstairs he left his attic room and descended, to find her.

                She had the house all decorated for Halloween. Skull and pumpkin lights were strung all around, and the air smelled like cinnamon apples and jack-o-lanterns. She was busy shutting these lights off and blowing out candles when he first spotted her, so he stuck to the shadows to wait just a little bit longer.

                She looked so beautiful it warmed his dead heart to see her so. Of course, she looked beautiful all the time. But there was something about her tonight; perhaps the excitement at the fact that he could actually, physically touch her, outside of her dreams. And oh, how he wanted to touch her, and feel the warmth of her skin without leaving her icy cold. He would kiss her soft lips, if she would consider permitting him. But would she?

                For all the dream dates they’d had, they had not done more than hold hands. The fact of the matter was, they had no idea how exactly they were able to meet one another every night, and this uncertainty was nothing short of a roadblock. How did they navigate it? How could they do anything more than hold hands, not knowing why they could even do that, but only knowing that one of them was dead while the other still lived? It was too big of a step and, while Ben was willing to take it, he knew Rey never would, and it was selfish of him to thing she might.

                The only way they could truly be together was if they were both dead, because he could never again live. And the thought of her light being extinguished for his own personal gain made him feel sick.

                But tonight was his one night of freedom. One night where he felt like he could do anything he wanted. Tonight, he was going to ask if he could kiss her. Just this once. Once a year, maybe, if she didn’t meet a living boy or girl – no, he didn’t want to think about that just now. Tonight, it was just the two of them, with a whole world of possibilities before them.

                She retired to her room shortly after, and changed out of her dress into her pyjamas. Ben felt strange, watching her do that. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about doing it before, but it always seemed to invasive. But now he was filled with an entirely different kind of energy and he found himself unable to look away as the shimmering pink and gold costume fell away to reveal sun-kissed skin, with all the sensitive bits covered by a thin satin shift with lace trim. Ben’s mouth felt drier than the dust of his bones. The way her hair fell across her shoulders so lightly was mesmerizing, and he longed to touch her there just as softly, or maybe a little rougher. Maybe he might nip at the side of her throat with his teeth, not enough to hurt her, but just enough to see how she liked it…

                She stood before her mirror and removed her crown. Her nimble fingers carefully began to take out the braids in her hair. Her excitement was palpable. It was almost time to sleep. Almost time to see him. But she didn’t have to wait any longer, and neither did Ben.

                Her eyes had fluttered closed, a dreamy smile upon her face. He took this opportunity to soundlessly walk up behind her, his own fingers automatically entangling themselves in her hair, gently undoing the braids at the back of her head.

                Her eyes snapped open and she gasped at the sensation of another’s touch, and as she saw his reflection in the mirror before her, her jaw dropped. He could feel her living heart race.

                “Ben…?” she whispered, turning around to face him. She was so close to him, their chests nearly touched, and it made him hold his breath for a moment.

                “Am I dreaming?” she asked.

                He smiled, and brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face.

                “No,” he replied, “not yet.”

                “Then…how…?”

                “It’s Halloween. The barriers come down on this day, each year, and I can enter into your world freely. I can…touch you…”

                His fingers lingered on the slope of her cheek, feeling the heat of her blush. It was intoxicating. He forgot how warm living people are.

                “Oh, Ben…this is incredible!” Her own hands touched his hair, his face, his chest. He could feel himself growing dizzy from her contact and at the same time wanting more.

                “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

                “I wanted to surprise you.”

                “Surprise me you have,” she smiled warmly. “So what do you want to do? What _can_ you do? Can you leave the house?”

                “I can, but I don’t think I want to,” he answered sheepishly.

                “Why ever not?” She seemed astonished. How can someone trapped in one place not want to leave when given the chance to do so?

                “Because you’re here,” came his simple reply. “And I want to be here, with you, like this.”

                “Like this…?” Rey whispered, leaning into his touch slightly.

                “Yes. I love getting to see you in your dreams, and I’m glad you allow me to see you there. But this…”

                “This doesn’t just feel real, it _is_ real.” Rey finished his sentence for him by shuffling her body a little closer to his, running her hands down his arms to his wrists.

                She was so very close it filled his head with a strange fog. Her skin was so warm and bright and alive, and her shift was very, very thin. If he looked down he could see her nipples straining against the fabric as the air raised goosebumps on her skin. He could almost see their colour, a healthy, flushed pink, almost the colour of her lips…

                “Rey, I…I wanted to ask you…uh,” he blurted it out but found it difficult to finish his request when she was looking up at him like that, with the dim bedroom light reflecting like stars in her eyes.

                “Yes?” she prompted.

                He fumbled a bit more. “Well, I…I was just wondering if you’d, er—I’ve wanted to ask you this for a while now, it just never seemed to be the right time before. I mean, we were so unsure about everything…but now, now it’s different, and I—”

                “I know what you’re going to ask,” she interrupted.

                Ben blinked, stunned. “You do?”

                “Yes. Did you not think I’ve thought about it, too?” she smiled playfully up at him. “Because I’m a woman, I’m not allowed to wonder…to fantasize about what it may feel like to kiss a ghost?”

                “I…no, I-I just didn’t think you’d want to…” he whispered. “I am dead, after all. Some might say I’m a monster.”

                “You’re not any more of a monster than everyday humans are,” she answered calmly. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from our time together, it’s that.”

                It felt like his body had shut off. For once there weren’t a thousand anxious thoughts screaming at him inside his head. No voice of reason, no self-sabotage, no nothing. Just her.

                “So then…”

                “Kiss me,” she urged. “I don’t think we have all night.”

                _We don’t. So we must make the best of it._

                Her lips were soft as silk, and he kissed her gently at first. He held her close, enough that their chests may brush together in suggestion, but not enough that their bodies were flush. Her hands travelled slowly up his shoulders into the hair at the back of his neck, fingers combing and twisting into his dark strands. It was like nothing either of them had ever experienced before; the whole world fell away and it no longer mattered that they were still in the house.

                The sensation overtook both of them and guided their desires down one straight path of ultimate release. Rey stood on her tiptoes and leaned into him until he could feel all of her against him – her breasts pressed to his chest, her heart beating madly just on the other side of cloth and heated flesh. Her lips urged him for more; they made him a willing sacrifice to their will. Their tongues danced around one another like old lovers, completely tuned-in to the other’s needs, until finally, breathlessly, they pulled back, gazing at one another through half-lidded, euphoric eyes.

                Holding his hands in hers, she walked to her bed and brought him with her. His eyebrows raised in astonishment as she took a seat on the edge of the mattress and looked up at him, her eyes travelling slowly upwards from his hips to his face.

                “A-are you sure…?” he asked timidly, although every nerve in his body was screaming at him to pounce and make love to her over and over again. She tugged on his hand, aiming to pull him onto the mattress with her.

                She nodded. “We only have tonight. Let’s make it last.”

                The silk of her shift was so delicate he could rip it with one hand if he wanted to, and part of him did want to. But he opted for a firm hand moving up her body instead, feeling every curve, swell, and angle beneath the thin fabric and remembering every single one, savouring them all, for later.

                Rey, for her part, was trying to make things move a little faster. Her fingers had already wormed their way underneath his shirt and were pushing it up to his armpits until he had to move to allow her to take it off of him. He grinned at her and she flashed him a greedy little smile in return. Her hands fluttered over his chest and his waist and she leaned up to plant kisses along his collarbone and down his sternum.

                The straps of her shift were so thin in his large hands as he pulled them off her shoulders. The silk garment fell away like water off of river stones, leaving her bare beneath him. The sight of her beautiful, naked body aroused him greatly, and he felt that once familiar ache deep in his pelvic bone, guiding him, reminding him of how good it felt to let go. He could keep himself from her no longer.

                He pushed her back and she reclined onto her bed as he loomed over her, leaving kisses and nibbles down her throat and across her chest, giving both of her breasts a turn with his mouth, teasing her and riling her up even more. He slid gradually down her body until he could physically feel her eagerness, hot and dripping into his palm. It tasted of spring and renewal and sweet, imperfect life, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He could drink from her fountain forever and never grow tired of it, but as she said, they only had tonight.

                There was a strange sense of urgency that underscored the whole experience. A fear that someone was going to wake up at any second and this might all be over. It guided them, hurried them, and brought them swiftly to the precipice, where their two bodies would become one.

                They both cried out with pleasure as they fell into one another. Rey’s fingernails raked across Ben’s shoulders, his own hands fisting into the bedsheets. It was as if their two realms were physically melding together, seaming at their bodies. She hugged him so tightly and he filled her up so that all she could do was _feel_ him.

                With every twitch of his hips he watched her reactions. As he pushed deeper inside her brow knitted together, her mouth opened, and the most angelic sound escaped.

                “Ben…oh, Be-ennn…” she moaned, catching her bottom lip between her teeth in a wide smile.

                He quickly grew infatuated with the way she looked as he pleased her, like a sinning angel between heaven and hell, playing with the fate of the world. He began to move faster, deeper, reaching that sweet spot deep within her to make her feel oh so good. He liked making her feel good. He’d sooner please her than scare her.

                “Have you ever felt so alive than you do now, with me inside of you?” he asked in a deep, gravelly voice, grasping her breast with one hand, massaging it, feeling her press it against his palm.

                “No,” she moaned, shaking her head. “Please, don’t stop…”

                _If it was possible, I never would._

                He was surprised to hear a heartfelt moan escape from his own mouth, apparently of its own volition. He hadn’t felt this good in a very, very long time. He forgot it was even possible to feel such a way.

                Without warning her hands pressed hard against his chest and she sat up, forcing him to topple to the side, and she of course came with him until she straddled him tightly between her knees, grinning victoriously down at him.

                “Now it’s my turn to make you feel alive,” she said before she started to move.

                “Ahhhhnn….” Ben sighed, his head falling back onto the mattress.

                Making a ghost feel alive was no easy task, but she was accomplishing it with no problem at all.

                She took all of him inside of her and gyrated her hips against his own, her nails digging into his chest with a sensual bite. Their skin dampened with sweat, they climbed until the peak was in sight, nearly there…just a little bit more…

                “Ahhh, Rey…I’m close…” Ben sighed, grabbing her hips and digging his fingers in, arching his back, bringing himself as close as he possibly could to her soul.

                “Mmmyes….yessss….” Rey clenched her eyes shut in concentration, moving faster into a dizzying pace, barely able to let a breath out as her orgasm took over, possessing her body with a feeling so intensely delicious she trembled as she moaned in pleasure.

                Ben had to bite his lip to keep from crying out, but his moan of release still escaped; a gravelly, muffled sound that slowly faded into breathless panting. She rested on top of him, her hair trickled over his chest and shoulder. He held her there, listening to her heart race. It was such a lovely sound.

                After a short breather and a few enthusiastic kisses they went again, and then once more after that. All of Halloween night they never once left Rey’s bed. They didn’t want to. They wouldn’t trade it for the world.

                By the time the witching hour came, Rey was fast asleep in Ben’s arms. Off in the distance a bell tolled, but only Ben could hear it. Only Ben, and all the other ghosts and ghouls wandering the streets. It was their warning. The night was ending and they had to return to their realm. Ben frowned, because this sound had never saddened him so much as it did right then. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay here, in the bed, with her forever. He wished so desperately that they could stay like this and he could always please her as he did, any time she wanted. But alas, he had no say in the matter. This was the life of a dead man, and he could no more change it than he could escape it.

                He planted a kiss upon her forehead as the bell struck again and he felt himself fade from her realm back into his own. Her head slumped onto the pillow as his arm dissipated beneath her but she did not wake. The coldness seeped back into his body as though it had never left, but deep at his core it didn’t touch him. He still felt the warmth she’d given him there – was it love? Is that what it was called? Is that what it felt like? Like light, and hope, and all things good and pure in the world. He latched onto it and it took some of the emptiness away.

                He laid down next to her as she slept and shut his own eyes. And from there he entered into her dreams, where they would always be able to be together, and nothing could separate them except for the rise of the morning sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there's mistakes, I didn't edit it because i got lazy alkdflajkds oops


	43. a twin thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breylo

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/181697837362/breylo-brothers-find-out-about-each-other)

**Prompt: "Breylo brothers find out about each other"**

They had both noticed it, at around the same time. The strange, unhindered happiness that penetrated the normally morose cloud that had encircled them all their life. It shone through in minor ways upon each of their identical and yet stunningly different faces; in the dimpled creases which bracketed the corners of their mouths, the gently-sweeping crow’s feet at the outer borders of their mystical brown eyes.They each walked differently. Talked differently. They were brighter, somehow, as though they’d each been touched by the sun’s life-giving rays and rejuvenated, rebirthed, into their own idealized portraits of themselves.

            _It’sa twin thing,_ they thought, but they both knew that wasn’t it.

           They were having dinner in their flat one night as it poured buckets outside. Ben was quietly doing the dishes at the sink whilst Kylo stood at the balcony doors and watched it rain. The silence was louder than the relentless pounding of the weather, and Ben found himself unable to restrain himself any longer. Maybe it was just his own thoughts that made the room feel so uncomfortable, but it couldn’t have been.They shared a mind. His thoughts were Kylo’s thoughts, too.

           “So I don’t think I told you, um…I met someone,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

           “Oh?” Kylo turned away from the window and the shadows of the rain trailing down the glass played upon his scarred, handsome face. “Interesting. So have I.”

           This took Ben by surprise. They’d been eerily alike all their life, but this was taking it to a whole other level.

           “Oh? That’s great,” Ben complimented, smiling weakly. “Where’d you meet her?”

           “At the train station. She was late for the 8:30 to Midtown and she just…walked right into me. She works in one of the shops down there.”

           “Really?  _My_  girlfriend works down there!” Ben’s eyebrows creased. This really was getting odd.

           “Hm,” Kylo mused. “And, uh…what does your girlfriend do?”

           “She works at a shelter for kids at risk,” Ben said dreamily. “She’s crazy good at it, too. She was at at-risk youth herself.”

           “You don’t say…”

           “I haven’t been to see her at work yet or anything. We’ve only been dating for a few months now, but I…I don’t know. I think she might be the one.”

           “Yeah, me too…”

           “Huh. Mom and Dad’ll be happy, won’t they?”

           “Sure, sure. Ben, what does your girl look like?” Kylo leaned over the kitchen island, looking closely at his brother.

           “Hm? Oh, well,” Ben, ever the innocent one, drifted into a daydream as he spoke about her. “She glows like the sun lives beneath her skin. Her hair is shoulder-length and brown but it shines like real silk. It’s mesmerizing to watch when she moves. And she moves like an angel, walking down from the heavens upon clouds. She’s—”

           “Golden,” Kylo interrupted, finishing his brother’s sentiment with a dreamy air. “Impossibly beautiful and intricately complex. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She took my breath away and I could have thanked her for it.”

           Ben gazed perplexedly at Kylo, foamy soap bubbles dripping from his hands.

           “How did you—?”

           “Brother,” Kylo sighed. “What are the chances that your girl’s name is Rey?”

           Ben’s mouth fell open and it was a good minute before he could speak. “Uh…high.”

           “Then so, too, are the chances that we’re both dating the same woman.” Kylo said in a deadpan voice, with a face to match it.

           “Oh.  _Oh_ …” Ben’s mind raced. He could think of nothing to say and yet his mind forced words out of his mouth nonetheless.

           “Mom and Dad don’t really need to know, then. Ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, it's been a while! sorry about that. i took a break from filling in prompts to work on my new full-length fic, "lie to me". but now i'm slowly getting back into it! this fic and the next two were posted on my tumblr a little while back. 
> 
> thanks for sticking with me! i can't believe i'm this close to 300 kudos on this thing. wild! thank you!


	44. ice cream d(eb)ate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my girl, @sushigirlali on tumblr for this adorable prompt!

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/181712042392/prompttttttt-rey-and-ben-debate-popsicle-flavors)

**Prompt: "Rey and Ben debate popsicle flavors :D" (i was tired and i thought it said ice cream oops)**

“I’m not going to say it again! Coconut  _is_  the best ice cream flavour.”

           “Wait, I’m confused. You said you weren’t going to say it again, and then you…said it again…”

           “Oh, bugger off, will you?”

           The sun beat down on the two of them without mercy. It was the middle of summer and the heatwave had really started to gear up. They’d spent the day in a lake surrounded by craggy mountainsides and what looked like miles of pine trees. It had helped keep them cool, and they’d even found a little alcove where the sunlight on the water reflected blue upon the rocks, and they had watched the natural light show together. Now,they sought refuge at a picnic table outside a small ice cream shack in the patchy shade of two scrawny birch trees.

           “Chocolate’s just so…predictable,”Rey mused, carefully licking the drips of ice cream off the rim of her cone with the tip of her tongue. Ben watched her do this across the picnic table,entranced. “It’s really no different than someone saying vanilla is their favourite flavour. Do you know what that tells me about a person? It tells me that they’re boring, and obviously afraid of adventure!”

           “Mmhm,” Ben smirked, quickly catching a running drip headed straight for this thumb. “And just what makes coconut so special?”

           “It’s a unique flavour,” Reyreplied, taking a good slow lick of her cone to refresh her mind. “Sweet,creamy, sort-of woodsy, in a good way. Tropical. It takes me places.”

           “Chocolate can take you places,too,” Ben replied. “It’s versatile. You can sprinkle peanuts on it and it’s good; caramel, even. Also brownie pieces, chocolate candy, all the best things.”

           “You don’t have to add anything to coconut for it to taste good,” Rey sang teasingly.

           “You could add chocolate to it,” Ben said. “I bet if the two flavours melted together they’d taste incredible.”

           With his index finger he swiped the side of her ice cream cone, gathering a good melting dollop of it upon his fingertip, before placing it upon his tongue, keeping eye contact with her. Momentarily disarmed, Rey swallowed what she had in her mouth.

           “Join the Dark Side, Rey,” Ben whispered, his voice a low, gravelly hum. “You can bring your coconut ice cream with you.”

           For the briefest of moments Rey looked completely enraptured by his smooth-talking. He thought for sure he’d won the argument. But then she broke out into a grin, laughed her beautiful laugh, and leaned over the table to dab her ice cream upon his nose. He jumped a little at the coldness of it, nearly going cross-eyed to look at it. She was still chuckling as she blotted it off with a napkin.

           “I’d follow your chocolate-loving self anywhere, Ben Solo.”


	45. oh your jealousy

[Tumblr link.](http://reylo-solo.tumblr.com/post/181124406272/finn-or-poe-jealous-over-reylo)

**Prompt: "Finn or Poe jealous over reylo"**

“Ugh. It’s just so  _weird.”_

“Finn, stop watching them if it makes you so uncomfortable.”

“Are you kidding me?” Finn shot Poe an icy sharp stare over the kitchen island. “My room shares a wall with theirs, Poe. You don’t know the things I’ve seen. The things I’ve  _heard.”_

Poe smirked, biting back laughter. He cast a bemused look over at Ben and Rey, who were playing a holo game together in the next room. They both were grinning, and their heads were bent over the game board, nearly touching. It looked sweet. Poe thought they were sweet. Finn, however, was having a harder time coming to terms with the new couple.

“Enlighten me, then,” Poe offered, deciding to risk opening something he may not be able to close again. “What great horrors have befallen you?”

Finn appeared to be quite astonished – nay,  _offended_  – by Poe’s cavalier, sarcastic attitude.

“They stay up late, talking and giggling like-like little children! Other nights I could swear they’re both in there crying. Did I tell you I walked past their open door one night and they were sitting on the bed, literally inches apart,  _touching fingertips_? They weren’t even fully holding hands, Poe! How weird is that?!”

Poe shrugged. “It’s weird that you watched, honestly.”

 _“I did not!”_ Finn sputtered. “Their door was open — anyway. That’s not the point.”

“Alright then, what else do you hear and/or see?”

“Well, I – she  _snores_. Worse than Chewie, sometimes! And he — well, actually, both of them are exceedingly vocal lovers…”

That was it. Poe choked on the soup he was eating and it sprayed out over the countertop. He continued to snort and laugh despite the pain caused by hot soup travelling straight up his nasal passages, and all the while Finn was frantically trying to shush him.

But it was too late. Ben and Rey had sauntered over, lured by the potential of a really good joke, both wrapped in one grey blanket.

Finn’s heart stopped. He broke out into a smile which was entirely forced, and began viciously slapping Poe on the back, both as a punishment and as cover.

“Alright, alright!” Poe shouted, putting his hands up. His eyes were still watering. “I already stopped coughing, you can stop bruising me!”

“What’s so funny?” Rey asked. Her eyes narrowed, though her innocent smile remained.

“Oh, uh, nothing!” Finn explained. “I mean, nothing  _really_  — Poe was just laughing because…well, because…uh…”

Poe snorted. “You guys… _heh_ …you guys l-like the finger stuff, huh?”

Rey tilted her head to the side. “Finger…stuff? I-I don’t get it…”

Ben sighed. There was a vibrant blush on his face but he was somehow managing to retain a serious expression. His eyes landed squarely on Finn.

“I am so sorry,” Finn said solemnly. “I swear, I didn’t mean to-to listen…or watch…”

“Oh, Finn!” Rey lamented, swatting her friend in disappointment. “How much did you hear…?”

“Too much,” Finn admitted. “I know about your senator/Jedi fantasy. In fact, I know about it a little too intimately, for my taste.”

Rey blushed pink and dropped her gaze. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Poe burst out into laughter once more, making everyone jump, so consumed were they by the heavy awkwardness of the situation.

“You guys are cute as hell, you know that?” He chortled, spooning some more soup into his mouth. “All of you. Cute as hell…”


	46. two can play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~mature themes, booby talk ooh~

Tumblr link.

**Prompt: "Rey and Kylo training side by side through the force bond and he takes his shirt off to distract her when she's doing too well." -[@forcebaby732](http://forcebaby732.tumblr.com/)**

 

He could feel the hot, dry air of whatever desert planet she was on this week. It pulled the moisture from his skin and made his hair stick to his face and neck. He couldn’t see the sun but he could feel its rays beating down on him; like warm fingers on those hot summer nights, running their course across his shoulders, arms, cheekbones and chest, until he could feel the fine trickle of sweat run down his spine. 

It was warm, and it certainly made him breathe a little harder, but he liked it. It was invigorating. He soaked up the sun’s energy and felt it course through his veins. The sand beneath her feet was only scorching hot on the outermost layer; beneath it was cool and refreshing as a mountain stream. She dug her toes into it and so did he. 

She could hear him,  _ feel him _ , all around her. His quick, hard breaths, accentuating his every twist, turn, dodge and jab. She could feel his fire, his determination, to an almost overwhelming degree, but it drove her like nothing else could. His quickened pulse danced in her own veins, as hers did in his, until both beat completely in time. Two bodies, one heartbeat, two minds, melded together in impossible ways. 

This was their dance. They had perfected it together. And they performed it impeccably.

When they trained, their minds became significantly more focused. They isolated themselves for clarity and for quiet. This allowed their connection to open, and their bodies to synchronize. It was easy to fall into one another in these personal moments. They had each come to appreciate this over time.

Kylo opened his eyes and thought of her, and suddenly there she was, right next to him, her hair pulled back and her brow set in steady concentration. She spun, lept, dodged, and lunged so smoothly, like a dancer or an acrobat, each move more enchanting to watch than the last. She had been blessed with incredible foresight and resolve, and each played a critical role in her fighting style. Kylo’s style, on the other hand, was much more obvious, swift, and brutal. His focus was more on dominance and destruction than carefully planned-out attacks. But they had still managed to learn valuable lessons and skills from one another thanks to their mysterious bond.

As Kylo watched her now, he came to a sudden realization which amused him. She moved so fluidly, never giving pause, constantly darting from left to right and all around, forcing her opponent to chase her.  _ She is a distraction as much as she is a threat, to be sure _ , he thought. Yes, that was it. She was  _ distracting _ . Well, he could be distracting, too.

He slipped his dampened shirt over his head with ease, and tossed it into a corner. Then, he picked up his practice staff and lunged at her as she had her eyes closed. The cracking noise of their staffs crossing one another made her eyes snap open, and in an instant she took in all that was happening before her. 

Kylo was shirtless, and the efforts of his workout gleamed upon the gentle slopes of his chest and stomach. Not only that, but he also had his staff crossed with hers right in front of her face, and was looking down at her with a smug, crooked smile upon his handsome, flushed face. 

_ It worked! She’s incapacitated… _

But it was only for a moment. One brief moment, and then her head was back in the game. She took to grinning and pushed against him, forcing their crossed weapons closer to him than to her. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, clearly humoured by him.

“Distracting you,” 

He tipped the bottom end of her staff upwards with the end of his own, knocking her centre of balance just slightly off-kilter, and with another well-timed twist of his weapon sent her stumbling backwards several paces. 

Suddenly they were dancing across the length of his gym room aboard the  _ Finalizer _ . She kept trying to correct her hold on her staff and he continuously slapped it just a little out of place, until eventually he had her against a wall, where he bared down on her with his staff held horizontally across her throat. She grunted, using her own staff as a brace against his, the only thing between him and “victory”. 

“It seems like it’s working.” He squinted at her, still smiling. He was testing her.

She huffed, blowing a stray grouping of hair out of her eyes. “You sound awfully confident,” she mused.

She ducked down, easily slipping out of his grasp so that he stumbled to catch himself lest he fall into the wall. She placed the blunt end of her staff between his shoulder blades, not applying enough pressure to hurt him, but rather the barest amount of it, just so he would know that she had him.

“Especially considering the fact that you’re wrong.”

Kylo dropped his staff in mock defeat, putting up his hands. She allowed him to turn around slowly. 

“Maybe I am,” he agreed modestly. “Oh, but then again…”

He ducked, faster than she could react to it, grabbed his staff and swung it at her feet, attempting to trip her. But she jumped just in time to dodge it and as he darted around her she spun too, correcting herself like a cat trying to land on its feet. 

“Maybe I’m not!” he chorused, a wild grin breaking out upon his face.

She chased him along the length of his gym before they reached an impasse. They began circling one another. It was now a waiting game; who would make the first move? 

Kylo’s chest was heaving as he caught his breath, and his entire body seemed to move to fill and empty his lungs. His broad shoulders rose and fell like the crashing waves on the rocky shores of Ahch-To, and the well-muscled planes of his stomach moved and shifted hypnotically with each great breath of air. It was as though he had been carved from stone and had come to life; this great mythical being who had descended from the starry heavens eons ago, designed by the gods themselves. Rey struggled to keep her eyes locked with his, to perceive any sign of an attack. There were so many other things about him in that moment that she’d rather look at.

If his method was to distract her, it was working, and judging by the victorious look on his face he knew that, too. But Rey was no abashed, young fool. She knew what to do.

“If distraction is the game,” she said, smirking, “then I hope you know two can play.”

Still circling him, she threw her staff off to the side and began to unravel the carefully-tied cloth of her shirt. It fell away in ribbons until she had exposed herself to him, and she very quickly reaped the benefits of having done so. 

His smile quickly disappeared as his jaw fell slack, and his eyes grew wide, helpless as they were to the lure of her freckled breasts and the warm, rosy hue of her nipples. He couldn’t help but admire the beads of sweat which gathered in her cleavage, and he felt a sudden urge to taste their salty sweetness upon the tip of his tongue. 

Something strange happened to him just then. His mind seemed to just...shut off. He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing or not, and he didn’t care.  _ Am I supposed to be monitoring that?  _ He thought, in some far-off recess of his mind.  _ Oh, kriff. I can’t remember how to breathe! _

A thrill of excitement ran up Rey’s spine as she watched her spell enchant him. When she knew she had him right where she wanted him, she drew her staff back into her palm by commanding it with the Force. Then, she charged him, taking him completely by surprise. They fell together onto the padded mats of the  _ Finalizer _ ’s gym floors. They fell together, onto the dusty, warm sands of a desert planet. Kylo landed with a heavy “ _ oomph _ !”. 

When he opened his eyes after the fall, all he could see was Rey looming over him, the blunt edge of her staff now pressed square in the middle of his bare chest.  _ Ah. The kill shot. Damn it. _

She was smiling wildly, her hair all a mess, and her own chest now heaving, drawing his eye. He wondered briefly if she could feel it, as he felt it: that taught, pulsating ache, deep within that enchanted place between her legs. Could she feel him aching for her, too? As if she had heard his thoughts, she lowered her hips to his until he emitted a small gasp from the light pressure of her there; she held the potential for his release and he felt helpless to ask for it. 

_ “Ahh,”  _ she moaned, raising her eyebrows. “I believe this means I’ve won.”

Still breathless, Kylo smirked. Sure, she made him feel like anything was possible, but how much of an ambitious fool could he be? She had been distracting him from day one, before he had even laid eyes on her. All he had wanted to know about had been the girl. Now here she was, and she still commanded his attentions at every turn.

“Of course,” he agreed. “How did I ever think I could beat you at your own game?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants to make a moodboard for this i'll put it here and on tumblr....just sayin'.


	47. a secret admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Reylo Valentines AU from a cute prompt left by @nite0wl29 where Ben leaves secret Valentines cards in Rey’s locker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T EDIT THIS SORRY

10-20-30-40.

The lock opened into her palm with one firm pull. Rey slipped it out of its place and pulled her locker door open.

She was expecting to find nothing unusual inside her locker when she opened it, because it was her  _ locker _ . No one knew the combination to get inside besides her. What else should she be expecting besides the same, small magnetic calendar that was two years out of date, but which she was keeping for the cute photos of kittens? What else, besides the little Polaroid pictures of her and her friends? Or the drawing she’d done of a horse that she was still quite proud of. Or the overdue library books, which were shamefully stashed away in the back, behind her textbooks and binders.

No, she did not expect to find any surprises when she opened the door. And yet, there was one, taped to the inside of her door so that she couldn’t possibly miss it.

A card, hand-made with fine, recycled stationary, decorated with gold leaf accents. Her name was printed in beautifully flowing calligraphy on the front, the ink a beautiful navy blue colour. She gasped as she saw it, and the fact that someone had been in her locker didn’t even hit her, so struck was she by the simplistic beauty of the thing.

Carefully, she pulled off the tape which secured it to her door and, leaning into her locker a little, opened it inside.

The same flawless lettering greeted her, along with something that completely shocked her: a hand-drawn portrait of herself, done in graphite and charcoal. In the drawing her hair was pulled back into her signature triple-bun style, and particular care and attention had gone into adding each freckle that graced the bridge of her nose and her cheekbones. Her eyes were downcast; her lashes, long and dark, casting a shadow over her cheeks. It looked like she was studying something, but there was a hint of a smile there upon her penciled lips, as though she had heard something amusing a minute ago. Whoever had drawn this had watched her intently for a little while. They had to share a class with her, she thought.

The other half of the card’s interior was dedicated to a brief but lovely message, which began quite eloquently with the opening stanza of Lord Byron’s “She Walks in Beauty”:

_ She walks in beauty, like the night _

_ Of cloudless climes and starry skies; _

_ And all that’s best of dark and bright _

_ Meet in her aspect and her eyes; _

_ Thus mellowed to that tender light _

_ Which heavy to gaudy day denies. _

\-          _ Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day from your secret admirer. _

_ P.S. I hope you like the portrait. Though it can never compare to the real thing. _

_ P.P.S. You should really think about a more challenging lock combination. That was far too easy. _

It took Rey another few minutes before she even began to realize how much her cheeks hurt from smiling. She closed the card and clutched it to her chest. She’d never gotten a Valentine like that before! Or at least, she’d never gotten one that didn’t have a cute bear or cartoon character on it, and those certainly never had romantic poetry included with them.

“Lord Byron…” she murmured to herself.

_They must be in my English class. We just covered Lord Byron’s work a few days ago…_

But…who _was_ it?

She spent the next two days trying to puzzle it out on her own. This also meant that she had paid little to no attention in her English class since receiving the mysterious Valentine. The entire time her eyes had been secretly jumping around the room, as though she could catch someone staring at her, and maybe doodling in their notebook at the same time…

She ruminated the possibility of it being any number of people, but none stood out to her. She even thought about it maybe being her best friend, much to the detriment of her own anxiety, but then she remembered that Finn can’t draw, and he certainly can’t do calligraphy like _that_. No, it couldn’t have been him.

It was almost maddening, trying to figure it out. She began to second-guess herself. Maybe the Lord Byron thing had been a fluke. Maybe it was someone in her history class, or math. Maybe it was janitor Bob for all she knew.

Rey was starting to feel down on her luck when she opened her locker between fourth and fifth period and something fell out, gliding down to land perfectly atop her shoes. She bent down to grab it and her heart skipped a beat.

_Another Valentine! Written on the same paper! Oh, and the writing is the same…_

There was no poem this time; instead she found a personalized message just for her:

_Rey,_

_ Still can’t puzzle it out, can you? That’s okay. I’m not giving you very many hints, am I? Maybe I should change that for you. I’m a male in your English class, if the Byron poem wasn’t a big enough clue. We’ve had lots of classes together over the years, but you’ve probably never noticed me before, not like I’ve noticed you. _

_ I saw you looking for me the other day in class, though. You weren’t very sneaky about it, but I didn’t mind. You looked right at me for the longest second of my life, and I thought maybe…maybe you saw it in me, but you didn’t. It’s a good thing – I’d rather you see who I am outside of class anyway. _

_Speaking of, Valentine’s Day is only a week away. Think you can guess who I am by then?_

\-          _ Your secret admirer _

He had gifted her another portrait. This one was done faster than the other, and he’d left it looking half-finished, but she  _ liked  _ it like that. He’d captured her mid-laugh, with that cheesy smile of hers. He’d even gotten her dimples right. Even though his pencil had spent the briefest of time on this page, he’d created something which Rey thought was even prettier than the real thing.

“Whatcha got there?”

Rey jumped and the Valentine slipped from her hands. She bent fast to pick it up but another hand had caught it before she had a chance. Rose Tico’s eyes widened as they saw the beautiful calligraphy on the front of the card, addressing it to Rey.

“Oh, wow…what is  _ this _ ?” Rose inquired. She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Rey. “You’re already getting Valentines? What am I saying…of course you are, look at you.”

“I-it’s nothing,” Rey excused, trying to grab for the card to no avail. Rose kept twisting away, keeping it just out of Rey’s grasp. “Can you give it back please?”

“Who’s it from?” Rose grinned broadly and opened it up, her eyes hungrily skimming over the message. She gasped.  _ “A secret admirer?!” _

“Shh!” Rey demanded, finally swiping the card away from Rose now that she was distracted enough. “Say it a little louder why don’t you, I don’t think everyone heard…”

“I can’t believe you have a secret admirer! That’s so exciting and  _ romantic _ !”  Rose squealed, in a much quieter tone. “Who do you think it is? And am I mistaken, or does that message sound like you’d already gotten one card from him?”

Rey sighed, looked at her friend, and figured she had not one hope in hell of keeping this secret any longer. Besides, she thought, she could use the help figuring out who the mystery man was. So, she dug around in her schoolbag and produced the first Valentine, allowing Rose to read it, provided she keep it close to her person so no prying eyes could look over her shoulder and see.

“Wow…this is beautiful,” Rose whispered. “That drawing is…wow…”

“I know,” Rey said, swiping the card back and stowing it safely away, along with the other one.

“Who could it be, though? He said he was in our English class…”

“Yeah, I have no clue,” Rey groaned. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since I got the first card and I’ve gotten nowhere since.”

“Hmm…well, two minds are better than one. Let’s go grab some lunch and Nancy Drew this shit, shall we?” Rose offered Rey her arm, which Rey happily took.

“Let’s.”

The two settled themselves in a secluded area of the cafeteria, safely away from prying eyes or ears. First, they had to remember all the boys in their English class, which took much longer than they thought it would. Once they’d recalled mostly everyone (there were a few relatively new kids whose names they couldn’t remember, and so they were referred to as ‘boy with really thick glasses’, ‘boy who wears the same jacket everyday’ and so on), they began to break it down individually. This too was a little tougher than they had anticipated, once they eliminated all the boys they knew to be in a relationship. They were left with about ten viable options after that, and they had to go through each one and decide if they fit the bill or not.

Rey eliminated four of them right off the bat, either because she couldn’t stomach the thought of them leaving romantic notes for her, or they truly didn’t seem the type to  _ think _ romantically, let alone write in beautiful calligraphy and make lovely sketches. Then there were a couple who hadn’t said more than one word to Rey since elementary school.

Suddenly, Rose gasped and made a low ‘ohhh’ sound.

“What?” Rey demanded. “What is it?”

“What if…no, he wouldn’t…or would he…?”

“Spit it out, Rose!”

“What if it’s Ben?”

Rey went still. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise but she didn’t move or speak for a moment. Rose was monitoring her reaction with keen interest.

Ben Solo. Tall, dark, with a boyish grin, he was alluring in the most unique of ways. He had thick raven hair and deep, soulful brown eyes; his strong, broad frame was built for endurance and power. But he hadn’t always looked that good. Rey remembered a young, gangly boy, with messy black hair and a pasty complexion, whose ears stuck out a little, running around the playground during recess with his toy spaceships, playing games with his friends.

It had been that little boy who Rey had opened her crying eyes to when she had fallen off the swing and hit her head in second grade. He’d been standing over her, blocking out the sun, and offering her his hand.

“Hi, are you okay? Do you need me to get the teacher?” he’d asked, and his voice had had a minor lisp, because he was missing two of his front teeth.

Rey had sniffed and wiped away her tears, not caring if the sand and dirt smudged on her cheeks. She remembered feeling flattered as she had taken his hand and allowed him to help her up. She hadn’t wanted a teacher to come over, and so he had offered to sit with her for the remainder of recess, until her tears stopped falling. And so they had sat together by the swings and talked and laughed until the bell rang, and by that time Rey’s head had stopped hurting, and she had long ago stopped crying.

“Ben…?” Rey whispered to Rose after mulling it over for a moment. “No…no, it couldn’t be. I haven’t had a real conversation with him since…middle school, I think.”

“So? He seems like the type to pine over a girl,” Rose argued. “You know, I’m sure there’s a  _ proper _ gentleman beneath that surly exterior.”

“But he has lots of friends. Some of them are girls, even.”

“Again, I ask: so? He’s single, isn’t he?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Hm, well, I’m just saying. If I had to bet on it being anyone, I’d bet on him.”

_ Hmm… _

*

She didn’t receive another card until Valentine’s Day, and even then she didn’t receive it until the day was almost over and she was cut straight through with anxiety.

During that time between card two and card three, Rey had tried desperately not to convince herself that it was Ben writing them to her, but it was tougher than she anticipated. She’d continuously catch herself absentmindedly referring to her secret admirer as Ben, and then she’d proceed to mentally slap herself for doing so. She hated getting her hopes up; she’d had them crushed too many times in the past.

But she was powerless against the idea that it  _ might _ be him. The thought of him bent over a desk that looked far too small in comparison, his dark locks falling over his brow and tickling the bridge of his long nose, as he penned her part of a Lord Byron poem and sketched her image just made her feel giddy for some reason. It made the cards even more flattering, and she found herself looking at them repeatedly, reading and re-reading their inscriptions.

She also had found herself watching for Ben, something she hadn’t really done before. She’d constantly be looking past someone’s shoulder, or looking over her own, trying to spot him. Every now and again she’d hear his distinct laugh or his deep, warm voice, and she’d stand up a little straighter and fix her hair.

She  _ hated _ it.

It felt like he had some kind of control over her. Only he seemed capable of making her palms that clammy. She’d find herself getting annoyed at him from a distance.  _ Who does he think he is? Walking around in his dark wash jeans, with his hair all messed up like that, smiling that goofy smile. What have you done to me, you evil, handsome snake… _

One of these times, when she was viciously cursing him in her head, her eyes had actually locked with his across the school courtyard. It had just been for the briefest of moments, but in that time it felt like all the sound was sucked from the world and everything around them stopped moving. Rey’s heartbeat hammered in her ears, steady and loud. There was something there, in the space between them. Something visceral and real and tender.

Or maybe it had just been wishful thinking.

And it was that kind of doubt which had fuelled her panic on Valentine’s Day when she arrived to her locker in the morning, after having practically ran the entire way there, only to find no card inside. And it didn’t help when Rose kept asking after every period of she’d gotten it yet, and Rey kept having to answer with ‘no’.

So when she got to her locker, fully exasperated and confused, at the end of the day as everyone else was scrambling to gather their things and get the hell out of there, and found a letter taped to the outside of her locker, she nearly squealed in excitement.

This one was safely kept in an envelope (which she tore open quite quickly). There was no drawing in this one, only an urgent message:

_ Meet me in the theatre, right now. _

She didn’t even put her books back in her locker. She took them with her as she raced past the swarm of bodies towards the theatre at the back of the school. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and every person who got in her way came perilously close to having their toes viciously stepped on.

This was it, she thought to herself. The mystery was finally coming to a close. She was going to find out once and for all who had been behind all those letters. She was going to see who her Valentine really was.

She braced herself when she got to the theatre doors, taking a deep breath in before pushing them open. Her nerves almost had her trembling.

She walked into a mostly-dark theatre. The only light was a silvery glow angled at the stage, where an old piano sat. Upon its bench was a person, playing its keys slowly and a little awkwardly. Rey didn’t realize she was holding her breath.

_ Oh my god. It’s him. _

The door closed with an echoing  _ click _ and the piano music abruptly stopped. Ben stood, all six-foot-two of him, nearly knocking the piano bench over in his haste. His eyes landed on hers, all the way across the theatre, and his hands rubbed themselves upon the thighs of his jeans.

There it was again – that crackling in the space between them, like a field of exhilarating static.

“Hi.”

His voice echoed, too; its deep, nervous lull drew her instantly closer. She walked down the aisle towards him, one step at a time, until she had reached the stairs up to the stage. Once there she paused, staring up at him as if she couldn’t quite believe he was really there – and a part of her certainly  _ couldn’t _ believe that. But the rest of her was internally screaming because, damn it,  _ she knew it! _

“Hello.” She said, her voice strangely quiet even to her own ears.

He leaned down and offered her his hand. She appraised it for a moment, her eyes roaming over its lines and freckles, before slowly, temptingly, taking it. Their fingers wound around one another and held on lightly. She took the steps up to join him on the stage.

Suddenly their bodies were very close together. She could feel his warmth and smell his entrancing scent. Her eyes travelled up to his face, and she thought her heart was going to jump from her chest when she saw those deep brown eyes lingering on her; looking at her like they never wanted to look at anything else again.

“So? Are you surprised, or did you puzzle it out on your own?” he asked slowly.

“I…had my hopes up that it would be you,” she answered shyly.

He smiled that incredibly handsome, boyish smile, and it was  _ just for her _ . She couldn’t help but giggle and smile back.

After a moment, she couldn’t help herself from asking, “Why me?”

“Why you?” His eyebrows raised in surprise. “I thought you’d know.”

She tilted her head, puzzled. “Know what?”

“Ah…do you remember back in like, second grade or whatever it was, when you fell off the swing?”

She blushed. “Yes, I do. You helped me up and wiped away my tears.”

“Yeah, and we spent the rest of that recess talking,” he smiled warmly. “I don’t remember exactly what we talked about…probably silly kid stuff. But, I do remember thinking you were pretty, and that you should never have to cry like that.”

“Even then?” she whispered.

“Even then.”

“Then why…why now?”

“Because…I suck. I spent all these years with a crush on you that I could never move on from and I…I was way too nervous around you because of it. I still am, but I just…well, it’s our senior year, so I thought it was now or never. And I realized I really,  _ really _ couldn’t stand the thought of it being never.”

Rey hadn’t realized until just that moment that they had been slowly getting closer and closer together. When her chest brushed against his she couldn’t help the gentle gasp she made, or the steady pounding of her heart when he didn’t move away.

One of his fingers brushed a lock of her hair away from her face and she wondered, in that brief moment when his skin made contact with hers, if he could feel the heat he’d created upon her flesh. Did he know what he was doing to her? The undeniable nervousness in his shining eyes said yes, he knew firsthand.

“If I never got to see you like this, if I never got to be alone with you again…I think I’d go mad,” he continued, his voice a softly rasping whisper. “If I never got to kiss you…”

“Then do it,” she begged, daring to place her hands delicately upon his chest. “Kiss me, now.”

His fingers trailed along her jaw as he lowered his lips to hers, and she held his hand there, as she felt the roughness of the stubble on his cheek with her other. His lips were soft upon hers at first, and alluring. He was clearly allowing himself to enjoy every tiny moment of their kiss, and it was so  _ romantic _ of him, but she couldn’t resist the insatiable pull she felt within herself. She wanted  _ more _ .

Her fingers threaded themselves into his hair and pulled him closer, holding him there, securing him before her. The feeling of his hand travelling down her side and slipping around her waist almost made her moan. It felt like the world was finally giving her everything she’d ever asked for, and she felt equal-parts thrilled and stunned that it had been right in front of her this entire time.

When their embrace finally ended, they looked at each other through half-lidded eyes filled with stars.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Ben whispered.

Rey chuckled and let her head settle on his chest. His arms wrapped protectively around her and she felt as comforted as she had that day on the playground.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Ben.”


End file.
